


From Beneath You it Devours

by leialovesfaith



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-13
Updated: 2015-09-17
Packaged: 2018-03-01 08:24:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 72,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2766293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leialovesfaith/pseuds/leialovesfaith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Willow was holding a book. She closed it and walked over to where they were sitting. "Mircalla Karnstein," she started. "Heard of her?"</p><p>"Nope," Buffy shook her head. "I have heard of coffee though. Andy?"</p><p>"At your service," he smiled, handing her a cup.</p><p>Faith groaned. "That's disturbing." She turned back to Willow," And yes, Mircalla Karnstein daughter of one Count Karnstein of Styria, a duchy of Austria. Born 1680. Turned 1698. Killed almost as many slayers as William the Bloody. Was known for her alluring looks and had a special liking for young girls. Cut a pretty destructive path across Europe for a couple of centuries and then boom- dropped off the face of the earth, presumed dead, around the end of the nineteenth century." Faith took a drink of coffee. "Also was supposed to be like able to turn into some giant black cat or something."</p><p>Buffy eyed her incredulously. "Uhh…"</p><p>Faith shrugged. "Slayer handbook."</p><p>"Seriously?" Buffy turned to Giles. "I mean really… how is it that everyone but me was…"</p><p>Giles held up his hand to stop her. "Yes, yes. You were never properly trained. We know. However, there are more pressing matters at the moment." He nodded at Willow to continue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The entire gang was waiting for them when they finally rolled into the library. "What's the what, Red?" Faith asked, slinging her leg over the arm of the couch in the study.

Buffy suppressed the eyeroll she could always feel coming when Faith put her feet on some piece of furniture. "Yeah. Super important meeting? At eight o'clock in the freakin morning?" She couldn't however suppress the yawn.

It was already nine. The rest of the Scoobies had already congregated. The meeting had actually been called at nine but there was no point in belaboring that point. Faith would be late. So would Buffy. So they just told them it was at eight and showed up an hour later. It made more sense.

Willow was holding a book. She closed it and walked over to where they were sitting. "Mircalla Karnstein," she started. "Heard of her?"

"Nope," Buffy shook her head. "I have heard of coffee though. Andy?"

"At your service," he smiled, handing her a cup.

Faith groaned. "That's disturbing." She turned back to Willow," And yes, Mircalla Karnstein daughter of one Count Karnstein of Styria, a duchy of Austria. Born 1680. Turned 1698. Killed almost as many slayers as William the Bloody. Was known for her alluring looks and had a special liking for young girls. Cut a pretty destructive path across Europe for a couple of centuries and then boom- dropped off the face of the earth, presumed dead, around the end of the nineteenth century." Faith took a drink of coffee. "Also was supposed to be like able to turn into some giant black cat or something."

Buffy eyed her incredulously. "Uhh…"

Faith shrugged. "Slayer handbook."

"Seriously?" Buffy turned to Giles. "I mean really… how is it that everyone but me was…"

Giles held up his hand to stop her. "Yes, yes. You were never properly trained. We know. However, there are more pressing matters at the moment." He nodded at Willow to continue.

"So, a couple of months ago there was a big ole demony uprising at Silas University… in Austria, anyway… pretty sure it was a hellmouth and I'm more than sure that a cult of really old vampires were sacrificing young girls to it." She sat down and opened a webpage before turning the computer towards the rest of them. "This girl here – Laura Hollis, she documented the whole thing. Apparently it started out as some journalism project or whatever when her roommate went missing." She noticed both women yawning and trying to talk to each other with that stupid slayer eye contact they used. She hurried to finish before she lost them. "Anyhoo, the first few videos were all about Laura's new roommate, Carmilla. And how they hated each other… yada yada yada. Long story short, Carmilla is a vampire. Somehow these college students were able to trap her and tie her up and she pretty much confessed everything."

Willow pressed play on the video and the gang scrambled to get a closer look. Once the video was over, she pushed pause.

Faith shuddered slightly. "You think that's the same chick?" she asked. "Cause I don't remember a lot about old vampires or whatever, but seriously… they've got her tied up with a few pieces of garlic and some rope. It sounds like she's just been reading the same damn books I read."

Buffy nodded. "Also her name is Carmilla."

Faith sighed. "Okay, well… I'll explain that one to her later," she told the group since they were probably thinking the same thing she was. "But I'm just saying… I ain't so sure someone that easily caught is a scary old vamp from the late seventeenth century."

Buffy stuck her tongue out at her fellow slayer. "As much as I hate to admit it, Faith's right. Xander could get out of those bonds."

"Offended," Xander piped up.

Buffy shrugged. "I'm just saying…"

Willow opened another video. "I took the liberty of cutting some footage together."

What played was a fast, violent, strong vampire.

"Editing?" Dawn tried when it was over. "I mean I can make anyone look fast and strong if you gave me thirty minutes and iMovie."

Giles took off his glasses. "Regardless, something did go down at the university. A place, in and of itself, quite familiar with the occult. However, what you haven't seen is the end…"

Willow pushed play before he could finish.

He cleared his throat. "Yes, Right, Well, uh...not the kissing, Willow."

She smiled shyly. "Oh, sorry. I thought you'd want to see how…"

"I mean what happened…"

He missed Faith roll her eyes at Buffy and Buffy giggle back because he was too busy cleaning his glasses, which for obvious reasons were incredibly dirty.

They watched the recap of the battle. The "resurrection" of the fearless, apparently semi-moral vampire, and the final clip questioning how smart it was to feed a centuries old vampire to whatever the hell was in the bottom of that pit at Silas.

He nodded. "Since this aired, the demonic activity has certainly picked up in the area."

"So where's the chick?" Kennedy asked. "The one that posted the video? Or the wussiest vampire on the planet? Either one?"

Buffy chuckled even as Faith interrupted.

"Changed my mind. She's a vamp," Faith volunteered.

"Changed your mind? Seriously? Just because she has questionable fashion choices," Buffy started, shaking her head… "Actually, if we went on fashion alone, than you're a vampire."

"And if we went on ditzy, blond, airheadness – that other chick is a slayer…" Faith rolled her eyes. "She's a vamp. She was just trying to get in the bubbly girl's panties…"

The rest of them looked at her as if she'd grown a second head. "Seriously? This Karnstein chick was supposed to be some sort of seductress. I remember her because – hello – lesbian vampire…" She trailed off when the others just kept staring. "Okay, whatever. Is there a point to this meeting? If I wanted to watch lesbians on the Internet, I could probably find something a little more…"

"What Faith is trying to say," Buffy cut her of, "is why are we here?"

"We need you to speak to them." Giles answered. "Actually, both of you," he motioned between the two oldest slayers. "We were prepared to send you to the university but we weren't sure what your cover would be. Obviously you're too old to be students…"

"What the hell, Giles?" Buffy squeaked, interrupting. "Too old. I don't look older than…" She chanced a look at Faith. "And neither does Faith. We are not too old for…"

Willow broke in. "Of course you're not… And you don't need a cover anyway because…"

Faith cleared her throat and interrupted this time. "So then what? B and I just show up and say hey lame vampire girl, we have to stake you now. Sorry bout that but your honey was a dumbass and put that shit on the web. Had to have seen this coming, really. Hope the pillow princess was worth it." She winked at Buffy.

"If you'd just…" Giles tried to interrupt.

"How about we just tie her up with our shoelaces and put her in the basement? Maybe we could stop by the grocery and grab a few cloves and duct tape." Buffy added. "Or we could just send Andrew and Xander because they could probably take her."

"Still offended," Xander grumbled around a muffin.

"Ditto." Andrew added.

"You aren't listening…" Willow tried again.

Faith shrugged, cutting her off. "Hey, B. It is a free vacation. I mean it's Austria, so like there's not shit there or anything, but it beats the fuck outta Scotland."

"Oh!" Buffy squealed. "Maybe we could take a detour. Like through Hawaii. Or Morocco."

Faith rolled her eyes. "I find it disturbing that I attended school way less than you and yet still managed to form a working knowledge of world geography. Remind me to show you where Morocco is when we get finished in here. Cause they ain't even…"

"Enough!" Giles leaned forward. "Will the two of you stop being insolent for five seconds and listen to us?"

They both turned towards their semi-retired watcher. Buffy put her best contrite face forward. Faith at least tried to fake it.

"Yes," the answered in unison.

"They are here," Willow filled in. "In the next room. The girls. And a few others."

"You fucking let a vamp in the castle?" Faith asked. She visibly bristled before shaking it off and turning to her fellow slayer. "Why do we even bother?" She asked Buffy.

"Good question," Buffy answered. "Is she a vampire?"

Willow nodded. "As far as we can tell. They asked to speak to you specifically. It's almost like they knew they were on our radar. Anyway, they got here this morning. Which is why we called a meeting. And why the two of you had to get up so early."

Dawn and Kennedy started giggling.

"Bite me," Faith growled. "Could we've maybe just skipped this merry little meeting and…" She shook her head. "You know what, fuck it. Come on, B. Let's go see what Teen Scream and her merry band of sorority sisters want so I can go back to bed."

Buffy shrugged. "Sounds good to me," she smiled, following her out.

* * *

"Did you see all those books in the library?" LaFontaine asked. "Hundreds. Thousands. I swear they had titles like the Demonic Ecriptium. What does that even mean? Is it even more scary that I've already seen that book in our own library?"

Laura nodded. "I think our library would be impressed with their library. Like if they were sentient beings and could communicate. I wonder if theirs will suck us into a watery grave or a flaming vortex?"

"How long does it take for jetlag to disappear? I'm unnaturally tired. And these scones are horrible. Aren't scones supposed to be better in Great Britain?" Perry interjected. "You'd think they'd be more hospitable. At least give us a place to rest and shower. It's almost like they left their manners on the other continent."

"I cannot believe I choose to come on this stupid trip," Danny interjected.

Carmilla was silent. Nervous. She'd overheard the conversation in the other room. Vampire hearing - sometimes it was necessary. And sometimes it was a curse. She was sort of still seething about the lame comment. Also the giant Amazon tagging along. But that was a different story. At least the others would be safe here. Herself – well that remained to be seen.

Before Laura could eat her third horrible scone, the door to the study opened and in walked the two… well, by Laura's estimation sort of disappointing slayers. One of them was as tiny as her. And the other one… well, she figured her girlfriend wasn't the only broody woman on the planet.

The little one, who was still in pajama pants, with what looked like pieces of sushi on them for whatever reason, and a tiny tank top, spoke first. "So, I'm Buffy. The Vampire Slayer." She looked at Faith and shrugged. "Basically we're…"

LaFontaine nodded, even as they were interrupting. "We know. One girl in all the world. But you died. And then Kendra was called. And then Kendra died, and Faith was called," they nodded to the dark slayer. "And then giant snake, stabbing, prison, more death, first evil, lots of slayers, giant hole in California, school in Scotland, and here we are."

Buffy pouted and crossed her arms.

Faith, the other slayer, who was also still in maybe pajamas or maybe just had thrown whatever the hell she found on the floor on this morning – which looked like boxers and a tank – mouthed impressive. She put her hand on Buffy's shoulder. "Sorry, babe. I know you like to do the spiel. I can make them shut up and you can come back in here if you want?"

Buffy scowled, but shook her head. "Well it's ruined now."

"You can tell me later," she whispered in her ear. "You know I love it when you…"

"Excuse me," the only real threat in the room, if she could be called that, interrupted. "Could we maybe get to the point?"

Buffy ignored her and turned to Faith. "Definitely vamp," she mouthed.

Faith nodded back.

"Yes," Carmilla added. "Thank you. I am a vampire. Now that we've established that, if you would just…"

"We would just what?" Faith asked. "Refrain from turning you to a pile of dust? Cause that's where I think this is probably gonna go, if you get me…"

"No!" Laura squealed, jumping in front of her.

Faith raised her eyebrow at that, catching the vamp's glare.

Carmilla sighed, and moved Laura to the side. "I hoped that you would understand my coming here of my own freewill means that I have information and that we need help. I don't imagine that many vampires cross your threshold."

Buffy watched her carefully. "Not many that can stand in sunlight. How do you do that?"

Carmilla, who was standing by the window, opened the curtains more fully and stood directly in the light. "I'm not your average vampire."

"No shit, hot stuff." Faith interjected. "You spent nine days tied up with some rope and a few pieces of garlic. You're like the worst vampire ever. Unless, like I was saying you only did that to…"

"Regardless," Carmilla started. "We sort of got off on the wrong foot here. My name is Carmilla Karnstein."

Buffy sidled closer to her. "I've honestly never seen a vampire walk in sunlight. Can you do other tricks?" She put her hand on Carmilla's arm.

Carmilla quirked her eyebrow at the tiny slayer. "I've got a few up my sleeve but I'm betting the angstier half of this little equation would be offended if I showed you."

"No shit, you vapid..." Faith muttered under her breath, even as she pulled Buffy closer to her. "Stay here, B. Jesus. What is it with you and broody, poser vampires. Give a chick a break."

"Sorry," Buffy mouthed.

"She's not the only one," Laura huffed, crossing her own tiny arms.

It snapped Carmilla out of whatever she was thinking. "Of course not, cupcake." She kissed her on the cheek.

"Again," Danny started. "Why am I here?"

"Is there someplace they," Carmilla motioned to the other girls with them, "could go? This is sort of a long story and they've heard it enough. There's nothing supernatural about them. Well except that one – I'm pretty sure she was raised by a tribe of ginger warrior women."

Before Faith could comment, Buffy walked over to the door and yelled "Will!"

Everyone else winced.

"B, we have an intercom." Faith tried, apologizing with her eyes to the others.

She shrugged. "It's faster."

Willow and Xander came running in. "You rang?"

"Can you take our guests to their rooms or whatever? Maybe get them some real food? Show them around? Do whatever it is you do when we have guests and stuff?" Buffy asked, giving her best I know you love me, because I'm Buffy smile.

Faith shrugged when Willow caught her eye, as if to say, she's as much yours as mine.

"Sure, sure," Willow smiled. "Just follow me. We can show you your rooms and then we have all sorts of things that you would probably be interested…"

* * *

Faith shut the door. If this all went to shit, she liked the odds now. Her and B against the pussy-whipped vamp and her tiny plaything. Should be easy enough. "Okay what's the sitch?"

Carmilla eyed her closely. She was rocking back and forth. Obviously itching for a fight. She sighed, even if it was only for show. She turned to the sunnier one.

She recounted, with Laura's help, what had exactly occurred at Silas. She went through every detail, what they could see on the web, and what they didn't show. She explained how her "mother" was thrown into the pit… into the light. And now. They listened to the two of them until they were finished.

"So you need us to vanquish this…Lollipop-y thing?" Buffy asked.

"Lophiiformes," Carmilla corrected.

Buffy scrunched up her nose. "Right. We need to destroy that. So we'll just let Willow get with the research and figure out how to send it back to the fiery pits of hell or whatever, and Faith and I can go back to bed."

Faith smiled. "Sounds like a plan to me."

Carmilla shook her head. "No. You can't destroy it. Not now. It's…" She put her hand on Laura's knee.

Faith noticed that the girl had been quiet, which she was guessing was a bit uncharacteristic based on the little she'd seen of her videos. That and the fact this Carmilla chick was seemingly comforting her, and… "What aren't you telling us?"

"We needed the others to leave," Laura said quietly. She made eye contact with Buffy because she was less scary.

This peaked Faith's interest. "So there's more. Right. There's always more, isn't there? And what don't they know?"

Neither girl spoke. Carmilla zeroed her gaze onto Buffy's stomach. Buffy caught her looking and put her hand over it. Protectively. "Fuck," Carm muttered.

"What?" Faith jumped up. She'd noticed her staring.

"Two Months?" Laura asked Buffy.

Buffy nodded.

"Guess we're not the only ones with a secret," Carmilla smirked at Faith.

"Fuck," Faith echoed, sitting down.

"Where were you two months ago?" Faith asked, rubbing her forehead.

"Fighting the Lophiiformes." Carmilla answered. "You?"

"Stopping a blood sacrifice of five virgins in Rome," Faith groaned. "At something called the fucking 'Winter Festival.' Like there was gonna be snow and bunnies and shit. The fact that it was May should've maybe clued us in that it wasn't..." She shook her head. "Basically a bunch of goddamn undead vampires and…" She stopped and glanced to Buffy. "Guess we should've figured that out a little sooner, huh?"

Buffy was busy staring at the young girl, much younger than her, in front of her. She frowned slightly. "We haven't told the others yet. Mostly because we don't think they'd believe us. I wasn't sure Faith would believe me. But… we were sort of, well… out of commission for about two weeks after the fact. She didn't really have a choice because she knew no one else was…" She shook her head.

"Same," Laura added. "Pretty much anyway."

Carmilla frowned. "She was so sick. I couldn't figure out what it was. But then one day, after listening to her throw up for the fifth time in one hour, I realized she hadn't had her menstrual cycle. I went to the pharmacy arguing with myself the whole way, but… yeah… so…"

"Fuck," Faith muttered again.

Buffy patted her on the knee. "Okay, so what do we know? Two pretty much identical vanquishings. Both resulted in strong vampire women falling in a giant hole. And voila. Two pregnant women who just happened to be there." She turned to Carmilla. "Are you pregnant? I know it's rare but I have heard of one vampire giving birth. Actually I think she was human when she conceived, but I don't…"

Faith shook her head. "Long story." She turned to the vampire. "I'm assuming that's a no."

Carmilla shook her head. "You?"

"Missing the right equipment." She rubbed the scar over her stomach lightly. She jerked when she saw Buffy wince. "Another long story," she sighed again. "Look, all we have gathered is that the theater where we fought those vamps in Rome was built over the temple for a Roman goddess – Bona Dea."

Carmilla raised an eyebrow at this. "She was a secret goddess, right? Of fertility?"

Faith nodded. "Give me five minutes," she said, jumping up.

She was back in two.

"Basically this is all we have," Faith said, handing the papers to the vampire. "We've had to old school research it because we didn't want anyone to know. We weren't sure what we were dealing with but, we knew we needed to be certain before we told anyone else."

The Bona Dea is a very ancient and holy Roman Goddess of Women and Healing, who was worshipped exclusively by women. Her true name is sometimes said to be Fauna, which means "She Who Wishes Well." Fauna was considered Her secret name, not to be spoken-especially by men-so She is usually referred to by the name the women called Her: Bona Dea, or the "Good Goddess".

The Bona Dea is an Earth Goddess who protects women through all their changes, and is believed to watch over virgins and matrons especially. She is skilled in healing and herb-lore, and snakes and blood are sacred to Her. She blessed women and the earth with fertility, while at the same time, in a seeming paradox, She was considered by the Romans to be a pure virgin, chaste and inviolate.

She was purely concerned with women; and that this focus, which by its nature includes female sexuality and childbearing concerns, Underworld connections, healing, divination, and other typically chthonic attributes of the dark Earth Goddesses, was so sacred and so exclusive that that purity of purpose, and the sanctity and respect it commanded, was symbolized by making Her virgin, much like Artemis. Her relationship to Artemis remains unclear, though it has been speculated that both, together, formed a Sappic bond that no man could break.

The Bona Dea had a festival on the first of May that commemorated the date Her temple was founded; at the ceremony prayers were made to Her to avert earthquakes. She also had a secret festival, attended only by women, that took place over the night of the 3rd and 4th of May. It was held during the Faunalia, and was referred to as the sacra opertum, ("the secret or hidden sacrifice"): at this ritual sacrifices were made for the benefit of all the people of Rome, something proper to the realm of a Mother or Earth Goddess who is concerned with the well-being of all of Her children.

Her association with Artemis, and the preservation of femininity has left many skeptical to her role in conception of the female child. At any rate it was the divine female life-force within the Earth and within Woman that is worshipped.

"Shit," Carmilla muttered, as she finished reading. "You do realize that Artemis is also a goddess of…" she closed her eyes. "And our battle was..."

"The third of May," Buffy whispered. "Ours too. Why did you come here?" She asked them. "I mean why search us out?"

Laura smiled softly. "I had a dream about you," she turned to Buffy. "You specifically. When I described you to Carm, she said you were the slayer. And that we probably needed to find you."

Faith raised an eyebrow at that.

Carmilla shrugged. "She's famous."

Faith shrugged back. "Yeah…" She turned to Buffy. "Have you had any dreams? Of them?"

Buffy shook her head slowly, even as she was realizing… "Not specifically. I mean I've dreamt about…" she shuddered. They watched her expectantly. "Just the baby. Or actually… babies… that makes sense now." She exhaled. "A lot of sense. I was worried I was having twins. I'm not." She turned to Laura. "How old are you?"

"Twenty," Laura sighed. "Just turned." She hopped up suddenly. "Holy crap. I'm twenty. I cannot have a baby. No one has a baby at twenty. My dad is gonna kill me." Her breathing became labored. "I don't know anything about babies. They sleep and eat. And poop. And cry. Oh god they cry. Why would someone give me a baby? I can't even…"

Carmilla rose up quickly and ran to her. "Shhh, cupcake. Just breathe. It's gonna be okay. Deep breaths." She rubbed her hand up and down her back. "This happens about every three hours," she said over Laura's head. "I feel unrealistically guilty."

Buffy smiled softly.

Faith nodded. "B does it too. Not the holy crap I'm twenty, cause she wishes…" She dodged the book Buffy threw at her head. "But the holy crap I'm pregnant with a mystical love child bullshit – at least ten times a day."

"They have to have a purpose," Carmilla stated, leading Laura back to her chair. "I mean, the babies… there has to be a reason. We went to the doctor. All's well and it's just…"

"A normal pregnancy. Yeah," Faith finished. "Us too." She sighed heavily. "I know you don't want to hear this, but…" She crouched down in front of Buffy. "We're gonna have to tell the others."

Buffy shook her head. "No! They may want to experiment or hurt her… Cause it's a girl. I know she is."

Faith nodded, seemingly having heard this before. "I'm aware." She rubbed her knees. "I'm not gonna let them touch you or the baby, B. As far as I'm concerned she's mine. Until someone tells me differently, I'll protect her like she is. Even if someone tells me differently… she's yours and I will always…" She closed her eyes. "We have to tell them." She made eye contact with Carmilla.

"I agree," Carm said softly. She took Laura's hand. "I know you're scared but we can't figure this out on our own. We need help. Nothing is going to hurt you. I promise."

Laura frowned at her. "And the baby? What about her?"

Carmilla sighed. "I would never hurt either of you. You know that."

Laura side-eyed her. "What if she's not yours? What if she's some rando frat boy's that happened to be standing near me when your mother died?"

Carmilla bristled. "Well, biologically speaking… the chances of her actually being my offspring are sort of…"

Laura sprang up. "Whoa. Do not finish that sentence. I mean it. I don't know who you'd think she belongs to, if not you? I didn't notice anyone else in the room with us those two weeks. I mean LaF stopped by a few times… but they don't really have that kind of equipment either. So..." She crossed her arms, and stuck out her bottom lip. Faith was duly impressed by the B level pouting the munchkin had going on. "Don't even finish that sentence. I mean it. It's going to suck a lot for you if you do."

Carmilla pulled her to her. "I know, sweetie. You're right. I was just being silly. And anyway, it doesn't matter who she biologically belongs to – she's mine. I promise I'll take care of you both."

Laura huffed, but relented. "I'm hungry."

Buffy nodded. "Oh! Me too. We've got Andrew. He cooks! A lot. He'll make whatever you want." She turned to Faith. "Can we wait on telling everyone until after breakfast?"

It amused Faith how short B's attention span could be. At least now she had a partner in crime. She smiled at her. "Sure." She motioned to the door with her head. "Why don't you guys…"

Before she was finished, Buffy had pulled the younger girl into the hallway squealing something about chocolate chip pancakes and chocolate sauce.

* * *

"So now that they're gone…" Carmilla started.

"Yep," Faith finished. "Guess we need to talk." She shut the door behind the two girls. "Long time no see, Karnstein." She whispered, even though everyone else was out of earshot. She crossed her arms and leaned against the door.

Carmilla raised her eyebrow, mirroring Faith's gaze and posture. "You've grown up," She started.

"You haven't," Faith finished, raising up and locking the door behind her.


	2. Chapter 2

_"Hello, mon chéri," the woman said. She sat next to the little girl._

_"That's a weird word," the little girl said, looking up at her._

_"It's French."_

_The little girl stared at her. "I don't know what that is."_

_"It's a language. Like English. But different."_

_She smiled slightly at that. "Like Spanish? Cause that's what Maria talks sometimes. She lives in my building. She's seven. That's a whole year older than me. She says that makes her smarter than me."_

_"Well, I'm a lot older than seven. And I can tell you that that isn't true. Some people are smart. Some people aren't. I have a feeling you're really smart."_

_The girl shrugged. "Maybe. I want to be a doggie doctor when I grow up. A vetra...veterr..."_

_"Veterinarian."_

_"Yeah that. Or maybe a fireman." She looked the woman in the eyes. "They have to be smart, don't they?"_

_"Very."_

_She finally took her backpack off her tiny little shoulders and plopped on the couch. "Do you know where my mom is?"_

_"She's gone away... I'm going to stay with you for a while." The woman studied the little girl's face. "Is that okay?"_

_The child shrugged her reply. "Okay. Can I have a snack now?"_

* * *

Buffy managed to wrangle Andrew into the kitchen, though their new guests joined them at first.

"Yeah," Willow was saying,"We had to read  _The Sound and the Fury_  in high school. It wasn't  _Absalom_  but if I remember correctly, Buffy didn't come away unscathed."

"Hello, fighting demons, anyone?" Buffy interjected. "Who has time for Faulkner?"

LaFontaine visbly shuddered. "Not I. Not anymore anyway."

"I'm sorry for asking," Willow started,"...but why do you guys still attend that school?"

"That's a valid question," Laura said. "Actually why do we still go to school there?"

Perry shrugged. "Leaving is a big hassle."

"The tribunal," LaFontaine and Danny muttered at the same time.

Buffy raised her eyebrow at Laura.

"I don't know. Apparently there was handbook. I didn't get it."

Buffy nodded sagely. "Well doesn't that sound familiar."

Once everyone had eaten, LaFontaine followed Willow to the 'non-violent' library. Perry had hooked up with Andy and was busy helping him organize laundry downstairs. Danny got excited about the mention of a Weapons Room and followed Kennedy out giddier than Laura had seen her in a while.

"So this is our private kitchen," Buffy said, waving her arm around. "We have a lot of girls here and well… it's just easier not having to beat them for stealing my brownies."

Laura laughed. "I feel you. You're from California, right?"

Buffy nodded.

"It must be weird living here." She looked around the room slowly. "Not that living in a castle isn't cool or whatever. I mean it's just a bit…"

Buffy nodded again. "Yeah. There are moors here. I had to look up what that was." She frowned. "I wasn't the best student in high school."

"Kinda had a lot on your plate, I hear."

"Something like that." Buffy smiled. As far as slayer hearing went, she knew they were alone. "I hope they don't kill each other," she finally whispered.

Laura shrugged. "They look like sisters. How weird is that?"

Buffy nodded thoughtfully. "I was definitely thinking the same thing." She took a bite of her pancakes. "I figure it's all the broodiness. It's a vampiric trait, but Faith has it in spades." She smiled at the girl. "Uh, about Faith… the others don't know about us."

"Oh," Laura said. "Okay. Is there a reason they…"

Buffy nodded. "It's sort of complicated but basically we've tried to kill each other more times than you could probably count. I mean no one was more surprised than me. Except Faith maybe." She thought for a moment. "Or maybe not. She seems to have known more than I do."

"I'm totally terrified," Laura spoke after a pause in eating. "Not of you," she clarified, quickly. "Of what's going on. I mean, last year I was just this normal girl living a normal life and then bam!" She gestured. "Seriously." She eyed her stomach. "And I'm afraid my baby is the spawn of Satan. Provided he exists or whatever."

Buffy frowned at that. "Yeah, the jury's still out on that one." She noticed the girl's horrified look. "Oh not on the father. I just mean whether or not Satan exists. I'm pretty sure he does, but I think he is just a lower level hell…" She realized too late she was probably freaking the girl out. "It doesn't matter." She put her hand on Laura's knee. "I sort of dread telling the gang because well… me and Faith… and anyway… Willow is like the best at all things mystical and research. She'll have it figured out in no time."

Laura nodded slightly. "When you found out… did you want to… you know… not keep it?"

Buffy studied the girl for a moment. "I sort of thought about it… and to be honest… you know if it doesn't turn out the way we think it will… I guess that's still an option… it's just…" She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "I never thought I would get a chance, you know. One girl in all the world and all. So I guess I'm just hoping…" she didn't finish.

Laura nodded. "Lafontaine has been like manically researching vampires since the whole hell pit thing."

Buffy raised her eyebrow at the abrupt change in conversation.

"She doesn't age. She's going to be eighteen or whatever forever… and I'm not… it's…" She put her head in her hands and groaned. "I didn't want it to be a thing. But it's totally a thing. It's like the only thing." Her eyes got big as she realized what she said. "Please don't tell anyone I said…"

"I dated a vampire," Buffy cut her off.

Laura looked up at that.

"Two actually. It does come with its own host of problems."

"It obviously didn't work out," Laura frowned.

"Well, no. But…" Buffy didn't know what to say. "What has your friend found?"

"They think there's a way for her to become…" she looked down at her hands. "…human," she whispered.

"Well technically, yeah," Buffy interjected.

Laura looked up hopefully.

"But…" Buffy frowned a bit. "It's not really easy. Or pretty. Or guaranteed. And well she has to be willing." She noticed the girl's face fall. "Which I'm sure she is… I don't know her. She seems to love you."

Laura shook her head violently. "Nope. No. We aren't using that word yet. No way. That makes this all real and not some really extended dream or something."

"Is that what you want?"

"I just want things to be easy."

Buffy frowned at that. "Don't we all." She smiled at the girl. "Eat your pancakes. We've got a full day ahead of us. Complete with mystical poking and prodding probably."

"That sounds pleasant."

"Yeah, then I'm telling it wrong."

* * *

Faith moved to sit in the window seat across the room. Carmilla watched her before taking a seat on the couch across from her.

"They know anything?" Faith asked. She was speaking lower than normal, even though she was pretty certain no one was within hearing distance. She figured a house full of slayers and it was better to be safe.

Carmilla wanted to roll her eyes but refrained. She decided snark was the way to go anyway. "Obviously. I've told them everything. We've just been pretending this whole time. I thought it would be fun to look you up and fuck with you a little bit."

Faith did roll her eyes. "Nuthin like biting sarcasm to make me nostalgic for the good ole' days," she muttered, crossing her arms. She nodded towards the doorway. "Gotta admit, sorta creeps me out that you're playing house with someone ten years younger than me."

"Well, as you've so astutely observed, I don't age." Carmilla answered. "Your pet dated a few of us, if I remember the stories. Angelus. He was a raging lunatic, by the way. And William. She's got a track record." She frowned suddenly. "Actually… I'm a bit concerned about you being in a relationship…"

Faith held up her hand even as she bit her lip. "Yeah. You don't get to do that. But raging lunatic doesn't really scratch the surface on that one. He's reformed or whatever. So was Spike before."

Carmilla nodded. "Hellmouth. Sorry," she frowned.

Faith shrugged. "Ain't no love lost for me."

"I came to see you, you know… when you were in prison."

Faith sighed and looked away. "Yeah. I heard some stories about a giant black cat and people's nightmares or whatever. I was a bit…"

"You were broken," Carmilla finished. "You didn't even know I was there. I stayed for as long as I could. You just kept saying her name over and over. Or B. You kept saying B. I couldn't do anything."

"She died." Faith whispered.

Carmilla nodded. "Yeah, I know." She stood carefully. "I should've been more…"

Faith shook her head. "I wasn't your job. Just some fucked up kid that…" She looked away.

_Twenty-four years ago_

_Carmilla was pacing the floor of her dorm room. Her mother, towering over her. "I don't like this," she said. "We haven't done this. Not children. Girls yeah, but Mother I just…"_

_"I'm sorry, darling but it has to be done," her Mother answered. "There really is no other choice. The girl is marked as a slayer anyway. You know as well as I do that life never lasts long or ends well. We'll be doing her a favor."_

_"I just don't…"_

_"Enough!" Her mother commanded. "This isn't up for discussion. She lives in Boston. Her mother is a drug addict so it should be easy. Faith Lehane," she pushed Carmilla towards the door. "Go now."_

_Carmilla sighed and grabbed her bag. She was heading to Boston. But she sure the hell wasn't about to serve up this little girl to her mother. Fucking slayer or not._

* * *

She moved to sit down next to Faith. She gave the girl a wide berth. She always had. She knew what normal personal space was. And she knew Faith was anything but normal. "I've told them everything about my past except…" She looked away. "I still worry about you. I know you're an adult and technically like twelve years older than me or whatever, but…"

Faith rolled her eyes. "Thanks."

She shrugged. "Well, you've aged well. So there's that." She tried smiling but she couldn't. "I just couldn't tell them about you. I still worry that I'm putting you in harm's way. It seems ridiculous seeing as you're one of the original slayers."

"Yeah, that title's all B. You die twice and you earn it. I'm just the chick who was called as a stand-in until…" She shook her head. "Nah. Complaining about my sucky sitch is old hat. It's good. I mean, we're good and all." She bit her lip before making eye contact with Carmilla. "Every time shit has almost hit the fan, I dream about a cat. I don't know if it's my subconscious or…"

Carmilla smiled. "I keep tabs. Maybe, I should've intervened more…"

* * *

_"Faith, please listen," Carmilla started. She put a bit of distance between herself and the teenager. "If you'll let me explain."_

_"Explain, what? That you're a fucking vampire? I'm a slayer. Do you know what that means? A Vampire Slayer," She enunciated. "It means I am supposed to KILL you. That's my job. My calling." She paced back and forth. "You must think I'm an idiot. You still look fucking eighteen. Do you know how hard it was explaining to my friends why my mom isn't always around or why she doesn't age?" She bit her lip. "I trusted you," she whispered. "Where is my real mother?"_

_Carmilla looked away at that. "She was a drug addict. No one missed…"_

_Faith nodded, already knowing. "Right. I sorta remember her… Like a shadow in my mind or something. And you killed her?"_

_"She left you alone. For days. You were six. What was I supposed to do?"_

_"I don't know… turn her in to Children's Services," she growled. "Not fucking drink her blood." She gripped the stake in her hand. "I'm supposed to kill you."_

_Carmilla held up her hands. "Then kill me. " She closed her eyes. She didn't open them until she heard a wrenching sob._

_Faith was lying on the floor, crying._

_Carmilla walked slowly over to her. "I'm sorry, my Knallkörper. I'm so sorry." She bent down and put her hand against Faith's back._

_The younger girl wretched up suddenly and threw her off. "Go! Get the fuck out of here and out of my life." She was shaking. "Go! I hate you!"_

_Carmilla sighed but nodded. "Ich liebe dich, little firecracker," she whispered. She told herself Faith had whispered I love you too. She'd pretended she did anyway._

_The truth was, she hadn't._

* * *

"You love her?" Faith asked.

Carmilla frowned. "What is love?"

"Don't get all philosophical on me. It was just a question."

"I do."

"Still a little creepy."

Carmilla shrugged. "Yeah, well…"

"What about the baby?" Faith asked.

Carmilla raised her eyebrow. "What about it?"

"You know you can't…" Faith sighed. "She's not gonna stay young and spry forever, either."

"I am aware. I also know there are ways that…"

Faith nodded, all too familiar with what she was talking about. "Yeah, well those are fifty/fifty. Provided you survive the rituals, there's the whole going insane thing you have to worry about. I'm just asking if it's worth it or whatever."

"Everyone I've ever loved has left me," Carmilla whispered. "Ell. You. I can't watch it happen again. I just can't." She sighed. "If that means I have to risk it, then I risk it. What choice do I have?"

Faith bristled beside her. "Maybe you'll get it right this time around."

"That's not fair, Firecracker. You told me to leave. It broke my heart. I didn't want to leave you. You have to know that?"

"It's fine," Faith muttered.

"I wanted to turn back. For you. I was all set… but…"

* * *

_The woman was distinctly English. That much Carmilla was certain._

_"Diana Dormer," she stated, her hand raised._

_Carmilla took it and squeezed a bit harder than she probably should have. "Carmilla. Carmilla Karnstein," she said._

_"I'm well aware of who you are. I'm also well aware of your role in Faith's life as it were, at least up until now. I think we can both agree that it's time the two of you parted ways, so to speak."_

_"I don't think we both agree," Carmilla started. "I've taken care of her since she was…"_

_Diana held up a hand, stopping her. "A child. Yes. I'm also well aware of her backstory." She tutted. "She needs guidance. Someone to teach her. And someone to keep her alive. She's a slayer. Do you think you will able to train her for what she is going to have to do?"_

_Carmilla wanted to growl at the woman. "No one says she has to do anything. That's your stupid counsel and their stupid rules. Slayers die. We both know it. I can't let…" She shook her head. "I've found a way. A ritual… I can change… I just…"_

_"Ah yes, the Spiritus Ortus…" She mused. "Let's imagine that works and you survive it. She's still a slayer. There's no way she can escape it. Practicing or not. Have you wondered how many things will try to hurt her… hurt you because of her." She frowned. "Your existence puts her in danger. Your meddling has already put her in danger."_

_"Meddling?" Carmilla scoffed. "She was being raised by a heroin addict. She wouldn't have survived childhood if it wasn't…"_

_"Yes, again, I am still aware." She frowned again, sadly this time. "Please, Ms. Karnstein, think about what you are doing? Is it for her? Or you? I can keep her alive. Can you say the same?"_

_Carmilla wanted to scream YES. She wanted to tear this woman's throat out. She wanted to grab Faith and run as far as she could until there was no one left but the two of them. Instead she just turned and walked away._

_She knew how it was going to play out. In a way, she always had._

* * *

Faith listened to her tell the story. Carmilla had this way… of telling stories. It always made Faith sort of wistful. Even if the topic was unpleasant.

"You know," she finally said, after Carmilla had finished. "I think you're the reason I'm smarter than Buffy."

Carmilla smiled at that. "I will go to my grave saying that you are genius. Do you know in fifth grade that your IQ score was…"

Faith groaned. "…Through the roof. Yeah. Don't be spreadin that around and shit."

Carmilla nudged her shoulder. "Your secret is safe with me, Firecracker."

Faith sighed. "Speaking of secrets…"

"I'll tell them whatever you want me to." She pushed a piece of hair out of Faith's eyes.

When Faith closed her eyes, she felt six years old again. "Maman," she whispered, so quietly, Carmilla almost thought she'd imagined it.

Until the girl… woman feel into her arms. "Mon petit chou," the vampire whispered into her hair. "We'll figure it out. T'en fais pas."

**"** Mille fois merci," Faith chuckled to herself. "B would freak if she knew I spoke French." She pulled away and wiped her eyes. "And German."

"What about Sumerian?"

Faith shuddered. "Take that to your grave. If Giles ever found that out…" She shuddered again.

Carmilla nodded. "Yeah, there are a lot of dusty tomes in that there library you slayer people have."

"Dusty,  _boring_  tomes," Faith corrected. "And trust me. I would never get to leave if they knew." She put her head on the vampire's shoulder. "So whatever happens or whatever... I'm kinda like glad you're here and all."

"Me too," Carmilla whispered.

* * *

Buffy took her master key from her pocket. "Why is this door looked?" She whispered.

Laura shrugged her reply.

She was afraid maybe the two women were killing or already had killed each other. She opened the door hastily. Maybe that's why they didn't hear them come in.

Buffy was pretty sure that if anyone had asked her what she expected to find on the other side of the study door, it was not a crying Faith being held by the immortal seductress vampire who was busy whispering some nonsense language in her hair.

She caught Laura's eye. The girl looked as confused and incensed as Buffy.

They both cleared their throats obnoxiously loud and at the same time.

"And here we thought you two were killing each other."

The two women broke apart abruptly.

"B..."

"Cupcake..."

"Save it," Laura said.

"Don't even," Buffy echoed.

"Fuck," both dark-haired women muttered at the same time.

"She's my..."

"...mother."

"...daughter."

They both blurted out.

And then, almost like it was scripted, the two mystically pregnant women standing before them looked at each other and back at their partners before fainting dead away.

Luckily, slayer and vampire were fast enough to shoot across the room and catch them.

"Well, we're in for it now." Carmilla said, laying Laura across one of the couches.

"Yep." Faith agreed, situating Buffy on the other. "We could flee and tell them they dreamed it?"

"Good plan," Carmilla said. "But uh..."

Fleeing was out of the question. Because apparently fainting together wasn't enough. They both had to wake up at the same time as well.

"Great," they both muttered, sitting down next to them.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Uhhh…" Laura started, rubbing her forehead and swiping Carmilla's arm away. "…so  _what now_?"

"What the hell, Faith?" Buffy asked at pretty much the exact same time. She stood up quickly. "And the room's spinning," she said, stumbling. "Nope, don't touch me," she told her secret… well, whatever the hell she was. "Mother? Seriously? She's like sixteen."

"Technically, eighteen," Carmilla started. She tried again to put her hand on Laura's knee.

"Back off, vampire," Laura said. She was smart enough to know not to stand up, but she scooted against the other side of the couch.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "I'm sorry. Eighteen. And a damn vampire, if you haven't forgotten. So unless she was turned after you were born…" Reality seemed to dawn on her and she spun quickly to look at Faith. "Did she drug you?" She spun back around. "Did you drug her?"

"B, listen," Faith started. "It's a little more complicated than that."

"Faith was a target. Of my mother. When she was a child." Carmilla spoke as if talking to a small child. Mostly because she sort of thought the blonde was a little slow. And she dreaded telling the story, honestly. She'd never actively spoken about Faith aloud. She told her mother that Faith died. And then she ran. Or rather they both did… for years.

"You didn't feel like this was pertinent information?" Laura asked. She shook her head slowly. "Of course you did. That's why you suggested them after I told you about the dream, isn't it? The slayers. That's how you knew it was Buffy. Because of Faith. I didn't even question how you knew they lived here. Wow… I'm kinda dense."

Buffy shook her head. "There's no way you could've guessed this little revelation." She stood up a little more steady on her feet and moved to the other couch, sitting next to Laura.

Carmilla didn't have a choice but to move. She sat down by Faith, across from them. "I never spoke about Faith. Not to anyone. It was too dangerous. Mother was specific. Faith Lehane, six years old, Boston. I was supposed to deliver her and I… I've lied for years… I had to keep her safe."

"And you?" Buffy asked Faith, who was be uncharacteristically quiet. "Screwed up childhood? You never thought to mention, 'oh hey B, also my mom's a friggin vampire?'"

Carmilla frowned at that. Screwed up was probably an understatement, but no way this tiny little ball of indignation had any right to say anything. Even if Carmilla wasn't around, she had still been around. She knew everything about Buffy Anne Summers. More than she ever wanted to.

Faith sighed dramatically, a sigh she only reserved for Buffy. "How would that've gone over, sunshine? You think you and your little Scooby gang would've welcomed me in then? Right…"

"It wasn't like we welcomed…" Buffy realized what she was saying, and shook her head.

"Right," Faith drawled. She felt Carmilla bristle beside her. "Rein it in," she whispered.

"Faith, I didn't mean…"

She held her hand up to Buffy. "Save it."

"I don't understand," Laura interrupted. She was studying the two women closely. More than a little freaked out. Carmilla had a 'daughter' or whatever she considered the woman who was physically thirty years old. It was enough to make her head hurt all over again. "You've been in contact with her all these years? How did you hide her existence? You'd think your mother would know who the slayer was."

"Not contact. No. But she did… my mother…" Carmilla started. "When she found out I'd lied, she…" She didn't finish. She didn't want to say out loud what she did. What she sacrificed to keep Faith safe. She was pretty sure that the tiny slayer would turn her into a pile of dust before she could finish her sentence. "I took care of it… it doesn't matter."

"What did she do?" Buffy growled. She'd decided in the few minutes since she'd learned this new revelation that she didn't like the vampire. "Maybe a better question is what did you do?" She caught Faith's eye. "Where is your real mother?"

Faith hesitated and that was all Buffy needed. She stood up.

"Sit down, B," Faith said, rising as well. "You don't…"

"I don't what? Want to threaten your mommy? I think I kinda do, Faith." She was angry. She wasn't even sure why. She was more than certain that the woman Faith claimed was her 'mother' had killed the woman who'd given birth to Faith.

"What's going on?" Laura asked. She noticed the way Carmilla had looked when Buffy asked the question. "Where's her real mother?"

"I…" Carmilla started. "I…" she looked down at her hands and then away from them.

"Sit the fuck down, Buffy," Faith said. She crossed her arms. "You have no fucking idea what you're talking about. So get off your high horse and sit your ass down."

Laura held her breath. She thought that the woman was going to sit down at first, but then Buffy moved, quicker than Carmilla ever had… She jumped up. "Whoa… okay," she said, grabbing Buffy's arm. "I'm mad at them too, but let's not like hurt them or anything."

For whatever reason, it startled Buffy and she nodded slowly. She moved away from the rest of them and went to rest against the table on the other side of the room. She crossed her arms.

Faith watched her, shaking her head. "You don't get to make judgment calls about things you don't understand. And before you say anything, not everything in my life is your business. It never has been."

Buffy rolled her eyes, but didn't answer her.

Laura was watching her girlfriend. She was tense. She'd never seen her protective of anyone but… it was weirding her out. She figured she could be a trooper though and power through… at least until she found out what the holy heck was going on. "Okay, well before we have half the castle in here, maybe the two of you could explain what's exactly going on."

Carmilla caught Faith's eye before turning back to Laura. " You know I don't know what Mother had planned for her. I never knew what she…"

Laura nodded. "I know. I don't mean about that. I just mean… like where did you live? How did you fool people? How did you convince a little girl to lie for you?"

Carmilla closed her eyes. This story wouldn't be as easy to tell as the story of Ell. She'd had time… not enough, but still time to at least deal with what happened to Ell. Even seeing Faith, a grown woman now, tore at her heart. Yeah, it was going to be hard.

* * *

_Carmilla hadn't felt guilt like this in decades. It was tearing at her. Eating her. She lay down next to the little girl, whispering softly in her ear. "Sleep, mon petit chou_. _Maman is here."_

_She'd been whispering it for weeks. It wasn't the first time she'd noticed that she had… well, hypnotic gifts, but she hadn't used them since before…since before she was interred in a goddamn coffin of blood. She knew there were vampires who could seduce humans. Make them believe anything… it was a way of subduing victims, she assumed. At least that was what it was used for._

_It certainly wasn't meant to trick a child into believing that a vampire was their mother._

_She stood up slowly, so that she didn't wake the little girl. "What am I doing?" She mumbled to herself as she closed the little girl's bedroom._

_This wasn't the plan. She learned years ago how to survive. And it definitely wasn't with a kid hanging onto her ankles. She didn't even like kids. But there was something about Faith that just…_

_"Ugh," she mumbled. She grabbed the bottle of liquor she hid behind the couch. She didn't even know why she drank. It never worked. But it fooled her into being warm for a moment. And warm was as close to normal as she could feel sometimes._

_She was glad she wouldn't have to explain to anyone why she'd ran away with the little girl. She wasn't sure she could. There was a point… in the first few weeks… where she had planned to leave her with someone… a church. Nuns. Nuns were good. Nuns wouldn't hurt her. And they'd hide her, if Carmilla was insistent enough. She'd even made it as far as the church door when Faith had looked up at her with those ridiculous puppy dog eyes that she had._

_"Why are we here?" She'd asked her. Her little hands were shaking around the stuffed bunny Carmilla had bought (stolen) for her._

_It was almost like she knew. Knew Carmilla was a coward. Knew she was going to abandon her._

_Carmilla watched the way her lip shook. The way she bit it… afraid to cry. The way she'd stared at her, even though she was a child, like she could read her damn soul._

_Carmilla shrugged her shoulders suddenly. "Just thought it was a cool church," she said, scooping Faith up. "I was wrong," she finished. She blew a raspberry against Faith's cheek._

_"Gross, Mommy," Faith giggled. She wrapped her arms around Carmilla's neck. "I love ya."_

_"You too, firecracker," she whispered back._

* * *

"…it's ridiculously easy to seduce a human," Carmilla finished. "Even easier if said human is a child."

Laura bit her lip. Seduce?

"I haven't used that gift," Carmilla supplied.

Holy crap, I hope she can't read minds, Laura thought suddenly. Apple. Apple. Apple. She repeated in her head.

Carmilla smirked. "I can't read your mind. No more than anyone else, anyway. I just know you, cupcake."

Laura nodded. Apple, apple apple.

"Okay," Buffy said. "I get why Faith believed it. Whatever. You haven't answered my question though. Where is Faith's real mother?"

Carmilla closed her eyes. She knew she had to answer her, she just didn't…

"Dead," Faith answered. "Heroin overdose. I was living in a foster home when she found me." She crossed her arms back at Buffy. "Happy now?"

"That your mother… I'm sorry… mothers were a heroin addict and a vampire? Ecstatic," she deadpanned.

Carmilla hid her shock at Faith's statement. Why was she standing up for her? She shook her softly and instead studied the smaller woman. She was sitting against the table still, tiny little arms crossed and she was mad. Infuriated, actually. She could almost feel the power rolling off of her. "I'm sorry but how is any of this your problem? Don't think I don't know who you are," she said. She didn't stand up. She knew better than to threaten the slayer, but… "After Faith found at who she was, figured out who I was… she told me to leave," her voice got quieter for a moment. "…and I did. But, I kept tabs on her. I watched her. I've always watched her. And… you," she spat out, her voice getting louder. "…you were…" She caught the woman's eyes.

Buffy pushed off the table. Pregnant or not, she wasn't about to let a vamp walk into her home and accuse her of anything. "I what?" She asked.

"Why are you with her?" Carmilla turned to Faith. "Is this my fault? Why are you punishing yourself like this?"

"I…" Faith stuttered, surprised by the question. How could she even explain what she felt for B? She didn't know how.

"Carm," Laura said. "Don't…"

"No Laura, you don't understand." She grabbed Faith's hand. "You're not…"

Faith shook her head, lost as usual in her mother's eyes. "I love her," she whispered quietly.

Laura held her breath, afraid of what Carmilla was going to say. Buffy stopped mid-step from crossing the room. It had obviously surprised her as well.

"Okay," Carmilla nodded, in an even more surprising admission. "Okay," she repeated, squeezing Faith's hand.

Buffy smiled softly at Faith. "I love you too, you know."

Faith nodded, embarrassed. "Yeah."

The tension was getting to her, so Laura, afraid that everyone was going to start spewing admissions of love in the room, clapped her hands together suddenly. "Okay, so what do we tell the rest of them?" She asked.

Faith smiled at her. She decided in that moment, she really liked the younger girl. "We're probably gonna have to tell them everything." She winked. "And I don't think it's gonna be as much fun as you think it will be."

Laura smiled back. She noticed that Carmilla had not let go of the woman's hand. She figured she'd fought an ancient evil and survived so she could roll with this… at least for the time being. There were a lot of firsts they were dealing with anyway. Meeting her girlfriend's adult daughter probably didn't even rank. "Well darn it," she answered her. "And here I thought they'd throw us a party," she winked back.

Buffy spun on her heels suddenly and walked over to the door. She pushed the intercom button. "Will, we need you guys. Bring our guests as well."

Faith nodded. "Okay, well… I guess we're gonna tell them now then?"

Buffy huffed. "Let's just get all of this over with," she muttered, waving her arm around.

Faith frowned.

* * *

Once the rest of the introductions were out of the way, and Buffy was sure that everyone at least had a working knowledge of everyone else in the room, she shut the door behind them.

Andrew and the motherly redhead were passing out snacks. Buffy waved them off.

"Whoa, Buffster," Xander noticed. "When do you pass up cookies?"

It definitely caught her sister's attention as well. "Yeah… I can't remember the last time you didn't eat a free cookie. Mostly because there hasn't been a last time. Are you okay?"

Buffy nodded distracted. She was still angry. And she couldn't figure out why. Realistically she knew why Faith hadn't told her. And Faith was right, not everything was her business. Except here was Faith's business, biting her in the ass. Again. "I'm fine," she answered.

She waited until the two sat down before addressing the room. Everyone was staring at her. As much as Faith would disagree, she hated being the center of attention. But she knew if she didn't get all of this out now, she might never.

"Faith and I are together!" She blurted out, and then threw her hand over her mouth.

Even as Faith was muttering… "Fucking A."

The gang from Silas (save those in the know) just looked kind of confused.

The Scotland gang looked… unaffected?

"Yeah…" Xander said. "And?"

Willow was nodding beside him. "You're not exactly good at sneaking around, guys. Did you think we didn't know?"

"Uh, yeah." Faith couldn't believe it. How did they know?

"I need therapy for what I hear I night," Dawn said. "You know my room is right next freakin door. And I don't even have slayer hearing. I mean come on, Buffy. They wouldn't let me say anything cause 'it'll embarrass them, Dawnie. Your sister deserves happiness, and blah, blah, blah…' And this whole time you thought we didn't know?" She started laughing. "You had a hickey on your neck last week. Were you not even a little surprised none of us asked you about it?"

Faith rolled her eyes at her… girlfriend? "Guess we aren't as cool as we thought."

Buffy nodded.

"Dude, tell me we didn't call a meeting because the super girls are screwing," Kennedy piped in. "Seriously. Way to scar our guests."

Giles cleared his throat. "As much as I'm loathe to admit it, Kennedy is right. Is there another reason you've called us all in here?"

Faith raised her eyebrow at Buffy. B _et they don't know this, princess,_ she seemed to be thinking.

It made Buffy smile at least.

" _And I'm pregnant. And I haven't had sex with anyone but Faith. So it's either hers or like some hell demon's. So we kinda need you guys to figure that out."_  She rushed out and then watched their faces this time and couldn't help but feel a little bit of satisfaction at the fact their faces weren't as schooled now. "Plus, Laura…"

Faith put her hand over Buffy's mouth before she could finish. "…Can speak for herself," she finished for her.

Everyone turned to look at Laura, who definitely wasn't expecting it. Carmilla moved and sat down beside her, putting her arm around her. Laura smiled softly. "Uhh… ditto?"

They watched the slow understanding spread across everyone's faces then.

A room full of shocked humans. Carmilla had seen a lot of things in her day, but never the faces that were now staring back at the four of them. Mouths hanging open. At least three redheads who had turned even paler than before if that were even possible. Watcher man who seemed to be rubbing the glass out of his eyeglasses.

The little slayer's sister fell slowly into the chair behind her, clutching her hand to her mouth. The Xander guy looked like he was just confused. Even the cookie boy seemed like he was going to faint.

That just left the Amazon…

…who broke the silence. "Seriously? Why am I here?"

Buffy ignored the tall girl and walked further into the room. She figured now was the best time to just tell them everything and then they could fill in the blanks. She was tired and just wanted to get it over with.

She noticed Willow and Giles were still standing. "You two might want to sit down for this," she started.

Giles was shaking his head, like he couldn't hear her.

"There's more?" Willow asked quietly.

"Yeah," Buffy said, making eye contact with Faith. It wasn't exactly her place to out Faith and her supernatural heritage.

Faith nodded at her to continue. It was better coming from B.

Buffy sighed."Apparently Faith's mother is still alive."

Surprised faces morphed into puzzled ones.

"Huh?" Xander asked.

Buffy nodded. She waved her hand towards Carmilla. "Also… she's a vampire."

Cue new shocked silence. Times a thousand. Everyone stared between the two women. Realization dawning slowly on their faces.

"Whoa…" LaFontaine whispered. "Didn't see that coming."

"No shit," Kennedy said.

Giles nodded his head slowly, as if he were remembering something. "Diana Dormer… she told the council that Faith's mother would come back for her one day. To be ever-vigilante. When I tracked her down, I found that she'd died from an apparent vicious neck wound. I didn't know that she was later resurrected as a…"

"What?" Buffy squealed. "You said she died of heroin overdose!"

"Wait?" Xander asked. "So who's your mother?"

"My biological mother is dead," Faith sighed, shooting Giles daggers with her eyes. "Carmilla raised me."

"After you killed her," Laura whispered.

"I had too," Carmilla started. She looked at Faith. "She wouldn't have survived if I hadn't…"

Laura nodded. Perry patted her leg sympathetically.

"Ah," Giles interrupted. "That makes more sense."

"Much more," Buffy growled. "Do you think it's okay to lie to me, Faith? I asked you what happened to her. Why would you…"

"She's my mother!" Faith interrupted. Everyone in the room but Carmilla jumped. "What the fuck do you expect me to do, Blondie? Let you fucking stake her?"

"She's a murderer," Buffy fumed. She moved to push passed Faith.

"Well then she fits right into our merry gang doesn't she?" Faith growled back. She grabbed Buffy's arm. "Back off, B," she growled.

"Let go of me!" Buffy struggled.

Everyone else in the room was tense. No one knew what to do or even where to start. Laura had a death grip on Carmilla's arm. Carmilla removed her girlfriend's fingers, smiling sadly at her, before standing up.

Faith felt her, even though her back was to Carmilla. "Sit down."

"Do you want to know what I found, Buffy?" Carmilla asked. "When I got to Boston? What I saw?"

"Don't," Faith said. "Just shut up."

"Because Faith doesn't even know," Carmilla said. "No one does. But I'm tired of whatever this is… this anger or whatever. And if it will get your head in the game I'm willing to tell you."

Faith sighed and looked down, releasing her grip on Buffy.

It made Carmilla's heart constrict. "But only you… and not right now. We have more pressing issues to deal with."

"No matter what you found," Buffy said, "It didn't give you a right to kill the woman."

Carmilla nodded. "No. It didn't. But I did. And she's dead. And here we are. So let's just move along, shall we?"

Buffy held her stare, but Carmilla turned away. "So," she said, looking at Giles. "You're the watcher, right?"

He nodded.

"A little help on the mystical pregnancy thing would be nice," she urged.

"Right. Right." He finally said, snapping out of his stupor. "Right. Willow. Let's go see…"

She hopped up. "On it," she scurried to the door. When she noticed no one else was following, she turned around. "Let's go people!" She clapped her hands together. "Those books won't read themselves!"

"She's never been to Silas's library then," Danny muttered to LaFontaine.

"Word," LaFontaine answered.

 


	4. Chapter 4

Laura quickly learned that research, without the impending threat of being eaten by a subbasement archive that was inexplicably alive, was mundane at best. Specifically it was boring because she could not read most of the books in the freaking room in the first place. She had no real skills to contribute to this search, since she figured investigative journalism wasn't really a skill they particularly needed right now.

Heck, Perry had given up an hour ago and joined Andrew to help him whip up something to feed them. She kept gazing at the door longingly. And every time she looked up, half the room was doing the same thing.

She was surprised by Danny trudging along with the research. Of course, she sort of thought the girl had a crush on a certain slayer's sister. Danny'd never been that impressed that Carmilla could read Sumerian. But apparently Dawn was just the bee's knees because she could.

Bee's knees? She shook her head. She needed a break. She chanced a glance over at her girlfriend/roommate/whatever. She was sitting on a couch with her long-lost daughter. There was no way to deny the fact that is was weirding the rest of them out. The two women were in their own world. And though they were definitely working diligently, they were too involved in their own brooding, and Laura thought possibly each other's, to even notice what was going on with the rest of them.

And that included her and Buffy.

"That's the symbol for under, right?" Faith whispered. It was obvious she didn't want anyone else to hear her, but it was so quiet in the room… tension would do that… that everyone's head popped up just the same.

"Good job," Carmilla whispered, before she noticed everyone else watching them. The smirk Laura always thought was only for her worked its way onto Carmilla's face. "You've done it now, firecracker," she whispered.

"You have got to be kidding me," Dawn piped up first.

"What's wrong?" Danny asked. Laura mentally shrugged at Danny's concern. Some things never changed.

Dawn smiled at her before turning to Faith and giving her the death glare. "I'm totally able to forgive the fact you tried to kill my sister. Stole her body. Threatened my mom. I'm even over the fact you are sleeping with her… but I swear to God, Faith… if you can friggin read Sumerian and you've never told us… do you even know how many hours we've spent in this library while you were…" She threw up her hands. "Ugh. You can totally read it, can't you?"

Mr. Giles, their watcher (whatever that was since Carmilla was sort of vague about it and had answered her question with  _uh he watches them, duh_ ) cleared his throat. "Ahem. Is that true, Faith?"

Laura watched Carmilla smirk again. She decided to focus on Faith's face instead.

"I can't even read English, G. Give me a break. I don't know anything about Sumerian."

And holy moly, Laura thought. What a crappy liar.

"Faith you are the worst liar on the planet. It's sad you still try," Willow added. "But ditto on what Dawn said. I cannot believe you've kept this from us."

"How is this surprising?" Buffy asked the room.

The rest of them held their breath. It was no secret that Buffy was capital A Angry right now. It was almost visible. Laura couldn't specifically blame her or anything. In fact, she understood why.

But then Buffy just started laughing. It started off as a giggle, but sort of broke down into a complete hysteric around the twenty-second mark.

"Uh, B?" Faith stood up carefully. "Are you okay?"

She shook her head. Then she nodded. She was still laughing. "Of course you can read Sumerian. And of course I'm pregnant. And so is your mother's twenty-year-old girlfriend. We couldn't make this stuff up if we tried." She wiped at her eyes.

Her friend Xander, who'd been sitting with LaFontaine, trying to draw diagrams of the two battles digitally, spoke up. "Buff… you sure you're…"

She popped up suddenly before he could finish. "I'm good. Just freaking golden actually. But it's stuffy in here and I can't read any of this crap. And for once, I think it's a free ticket to bail. So that's what I'm going to do." She made eye contact with Laura. "Can you read Sumerian?"

Laura shook her head slowly, hoping to god the slayer was giving her an out too. Cause she was getting antsy. "I don't even know what I'm looking for. This book is Greek. I don't read Greek." How long had she been staring at it?

"Let's take a walk," Buffy said, taking her hand.

Carmilla took that moment to intervene. "Wait… uh, that's not really a good idea."

"Carm, this is boring and I'm just sitting here. Maybe if I get some air I can…"

"Uh, if they get a break so do I." Kennedy piped in.

"Me too," Xander said.

LaFontaine shrugged, when he looked at them. They were probably in hog heaven over there.

Buffy put her hands on her hips. Laura had to admit her stance and her glare were both intimidating. "Show of hands who's pregnant?"

Laura raised her hand, ignoring Carmilla's eye roll.

"Right," Buffy said, hand also raised. "Just us. So we are taking a break." She caught Carmilla's eye. "And pregnant or not, I'm still a slayer. Nothing will hurt her when I'm around. Trust me. I'm twice as strong as you."

That peaked Laura's interest.

"B, you're being obstinate." Faith interjected.

"And you're being weird." She grabbed Laura's hand. "We're going outside for a bit."

Laura shrugged at Carmilla who'd switched to brooding and shooting death glares at Buffy. "Whatever, cupcake," she mumbled, sitting back down.

Laura frowned, but it sure the heck wasn't enough to get her to stay. She let Buffy lead her out of the library.

* * *

"Holy crap," Laura said, when they got outside. "Thank you. I was about to start crying I was so bored. I don't even know what we're looking for."

Buffy shrugged. "I know. Me either." She waved her arm around. "So these are our 'grounds' or whatever. It's actually really pretty. Want to explore?"

"Is anything going to jump out and try to eat me?" Laura asked.

"No," Buffy smiled. "Not while I'm here. You know those things that go bump in the night?"

"Yeah. I sort of live with one," Laura answered.

Buffy smiled. "I'm the thing they're afraid of."

"Oh," Laura said. "That's actually… kinda cool."

Buffy shrugged again. "You get used to it."

* * *

After about thirty minutes, it was evident that the rest of them were getting restless as well.

"Oh my god," Kennedy suddenly spoke up. "Can I go find Buffy or something?"

"Absolutely not," Giles answered, not looking up from his book.

"What about me?" Xander tried.

The watcher didn't even answer him.

"You guys haven't found anything?" Willow asked Faith.

"Well besides from the passage here that talks about a vampire and her smoking hot slayer daughter knocking up two midgets… nope."

The rest, excluding Giles and Carmilla, gawked at her.

She shrugged guiltily. "Jokes," she mumbled, looking back down at the stupid book in her lap.

"Not funny," Giles answered, still not looking up.

A few more minutes passed before Xander raised his hand like a schoolboy.

At this Giles did look up. "Is there a reason you have your hand up?" He finally asked.

"Can we take a break? I've got a few questions and uh… I can't really concentrate."

Giles sighed but nodded. "Fine. I need tea anyway." He looked around the room. "Anyone else?"

No one answered.

He walked out mumbling something about getting too old and "bloody children. The lot of them."

When he was gone, Xander turned back to the broody pair. "I think I speak for almost everyone in here when I say this… but really?"

Both Carmilla and Faith sighed in sync.

It was weird.

"What?" Faith asked.

"Okay first of all – did she teach you how to dress? Cause seriously you guys are like…"

Faith eyed him incredulously. "That's what you wanna know?"

They all nodded sheepishly.

"Yes," Carmilla answered for her. "Moving on." She looked back down at her book.

"How did you guys stay hidden for so long?" LaFontaine asked.

Dawn nodded. "Yeah. Did it not occur to anyone that your mom was like perpetually a teenager or whatever?"

"Where'd you go to school?" Kennedy asked. "Did you go to school?"

"Did she teach you Summerian?"

"Did you ever see her drink blood?"

"Did you have a puppy?" Xander added.

Faith rolled her eyes.

They continued to throw questions at the both of them. Carmilla closed her book and crossed her arms menacingly unaware that Faith was doing the exact same thing.

"Also, that's weird," Danny piped up.

The rest of them nodded their agreement.

Faith noticed and quickly unfolded her arms. "Look. I didn't know any different. As far as I knew she was my mom. I mean think about it… I know your parents have aged or whatever, but were you like really aware of it?"

They shook their heads slowly. "So there you go. I never really noticed, I guess. She was just always there. She was my mom, okay?"

They nodded.

"Right," Willow answered. "But it's just… how did you two survive? I mean you just take a child and then what… fake a birth certificate or whatever?"

"Among other things," Carmilla finally spoke up. "She went to school when she could. When she couldn't I taught her."

"Explains why she can read Sumerian," LaFontaine said. "Sounds like you taught her more than I ever learned in school."

"School was stupid," Faith muttered quietly. "Still is."

Carmilla frowned beside her.

* * *

_Faith opened the door to her fourth house this year and threw her backpack down on the floor. She stalked into the kitchen, still mad._

_Some boy at school had called her a latchkey kid. He said his mom said Faith's mom left her at home by herself sometime._

_It wasn't true. Her mom never left her alone. Sometimes she had to leave for a few days (she never told Faith where) but there was always some neighbor lady that her mom paid to watch her. And she called her at least once every night. Sometimes more._

_And then he'd said some other things. And then some of the other kids had joined in. She took it as long as she could. What she wanted to do was hit him in his stupid face. But she didn't. She just hid in the bathroom until recess was over._

_She opened the refrigerator and was slamming things around inside. She didn't notice her mother standing in the doorway until she slammed it, obviously knocking over half the items in her fury._

_"What did that refrigerator do to you?" Her mother asked._

_Faith jumped. "When did you get back?"_

_Carmilla frowned at the question. Normally when she came back, the eight year old would run and jump in her arms. Asking her if she brought her anything. If she missed her._

_But right now she was leaning against the table, her arms crossed, scowling._

_"This afternoon, buttercup. How was school?"_

_"It's stupid," Faith muttered. She'd started rummaging around the cabinets. She was throwing things onto the floor._

_Carmilla walked into the kitchen slowly. "Care to elaborate, Mäuschen?"_

_Faith slammed the cabinet door, still empty-handed. "No. And why do you talk like that? When I say those words at school, nobody understands me. And they call me a freak. They said I don't have a real family. That you aren't ever here and I always have to stay with smelly ole Mrs. Jackson. Where's my dad? Why do we always have to move and stuff?"_

_Carmilla frowned deeply and sat down at the small kitchen table. She ran her fingers through her hair. "Want to pick up that mess?"_

_Faith crossed her arms again and scowled at the woman. "No. I don't."_

_Carmilla nodded. She'd figured as much. Truth be told, as far as cleanliness went, she wasn't the best role model. "Fine. I'll do it." She made a big production of standing up. Normally guilt was a way to break Faith. She couldn't stand to see her mother sad._

_But it wasn't working this time. Faith never moved from her spot. Even as she watched Carmilla pick up everything she'd thrown on the floor and put it away._

_"What else did they say?" Carmilla asked once she was finished. She sat back down._

_"They called you things. Names." Faith whispered. "I didn't know what they meant. I had to look it up in the dictionary when we got back to class."_

_"Oh," Carmilla started. She was feigning indifference. "And what did they call me?"_

_"Eric said his mom and Josh's mom said you dressed funny. Like a prostitute. He said they said you were dirty." Faith was whispering now. She was embarrassed for a myriad of reasons she didn't even understand._

_To her surprise, Carmilla laughed. "Well Eric's mother is a fatass and Josh's mother is a moron and a fatass. So I don't really expect either of those little shitmonsters to be very smart or very kind. Most people are vicious, Knallkörper. I'm not a prostitute. So no worries." She went to pat the little girl's cheek, but Faith jerked away._

_"It isn't funny!" She yelled. "I hate them. I wanted to hit him. He called me trash."_

_At that Carmilla stopped smiling. "Did he now?"_

_"Yes," Faith spat out. "He said I was trashy. And gross."_

_"Eric Johnson, right?" Carmilla asked._

_Faith nodded._

_Carmilla grabbed the little girl's hand again. She pulled her between her knees and hugged her around the waist. "They don't understand you, sweetheart. They are jealous." She kissed the side of her head, and put her chin on Faith's shoulder. "And stupid. And their words mean nothing," she whispered in Faith's hair. "You're beautiful. And smart. And sweet. And you have a mother who loves you more than she did yesterday…"_

_"…and less than she will tomorrow," Faith finished. "I know." She frowned and turned to make eye contact with Carmilla. "Why did they say those things then? If they aren't true?"_

_Carmilla pulled her closer. "Because they are insignificant. Worth less than the thought you are giving them. They will grow old. Miserable. And full of hate. It's best to ignore those types of people. They are poison."_

_Faith nodded, sniffling softly. "Then why does it still hurt, Mama?"_

_"Because you're human," she whispered softly. "But it will fade. Most pain does."_

_After dinner, and a ridiculous amount of ice cream, Faith got ready for bed. She ran back into the living room where Carmilla was reading a book by Nietzsche. Faith tapped it playfully._

_"I thought he was stupid," she said, pointing at the book. "You said he made women sound small."_

_Carmilla shrugged. "Know thy enemy, sweetie," she said, closing the book. "Are you ready for bed?"_

_Faith nodded. "Will you tell me a story?" She loved her mother's story._

_Carmilla smiled and stood up. "Sure. Let's get to bed and I'll tell you about the little girl who learned forgiveness."_

_She told her daughter a story about a little girl. One who'd been teased and who rose above the belittling to become a great leader and powerful woman. Also there was a dragon because for some unfathomable reason, there always had to be dragons or 'it's not a real story, Mama.'_

_So she'd taught her daughter a lesson on forgiveness. And then she'd slipped out of the house and knocked on her neighbor's door._

_"Mrs. Jackson, I know it's late, but I have to run out. It's an emergency. It should only be an hour and I wouldn't ask except…"_

_"No worries dear," Mrs. Jackson answered, grabbing her coat. "I'll make sure she's safe and sound until you get back."_

_Carmilla nodded and waited till the woman was inside before speeding off on foot. It was faster._

_One of her many talents as a vampire was her ability to materialize. She used that talent tonight._

_Though it was well passed the bedtime of any normal child, she had a feeling the little shit would still be awake. She wasn't wrong._

_When she appeared in his bedroom, he started to scream. She put her hand over his mouth easily._

_"You know who I am, kiddo?" She asked._

_He nodded slowly._

_"Good. Good." She said. "I need you to listen up. Can you do that for me?"_

_He nodded again._

_She could smell his fear. Normally, that would be enough to remind her he was just a child. Tonight, she didn't care. "Tonight, I watched my little girl cry because of something you said. You know you said something bad, don't you?'_

_He nodded yet again._

_"Good. So here's the thing. You have no idea what you're talking about. Your mother is a moron and that I don't blame on you. But hurting my little girl… well that I kind of do."_

_She leaned back a bit and started in his eyes. "You know you hurt her feelings?"_

_He nodded slower this time._

_"I'm gonna take my hand away, but if you scream, you will regret it. Got it, bucko?"_

_More nods._

_She removed her hand slowly. He didn't say anything, but his eyes told her enough._

_"I'm going to leave soon, but before I do, I need you to know something… I don't like bullies. Not at all. I certainly don't like ones who hurt my little girl. And do you know what I do to bullies?"_

_He shook his head._

_"I feed them to my cat," she whispered._

_His face turned puzzled. "I'm not afraid of a cat."_

_At that revelation, she jumped up quickly from where she was sitting and used another talent, which was specifically hers alone. It took seconds to turn into a giant panther. She jumped back on the bed and growled, baring her teeth._

_And little Eric Johnson screamed his head off._

_Too bad a cat can't laugh, she thought, as she disappeared._

* * *

Carmilla watched their expectant faces. There was nothing she could tell them. Even if there was, she wasn't sure she would. "It wasn't easy," She finally told the room. "It was never easy."

"Yeah, but what about…"

"There's nothing else to say. Not right now anyway." Carmilla answered. She couldn't share why it wasn't easy. She couldn't tell them that every pain Faith felt, she suffered. How she'd seen new worlds being born. Watched great men die. She couldn't explain why none of that mattered. While the birth of industry, technology… none of it even registered like that one decade with Faith.

No one said anything for a moment. They obviously had a lot of questions and she couldn't blame them. She just didn't know if she wanted to answer any of them. Even thinking about it…

"I guess it's just weird," LaFontaine said specifically to her. "Thinking about you. A mother. I just don't get it."

Danny nodded her agreement. "Seriously. There's not a motherly bone in your body."

Carmilla sighed and closed her eyes. "I don't expect you to believe me. And I don't really care if you do."

Faith had heard enough. "She was a good mother. She took care of me. She loved me. She taught me. I was lucky." She whispered.

Carmilla blinked slowly but didn't say anything. She could feel how shocked the rest of them were. Faith had apparently built her walls very high since Sunnydale. It hurt her that she didn't trust anyone.

It killed her that Faith had become her in some ways. Hard exterior. A façade of badassness to cloak what she was feeling. It infuriated her that they didn't know Faith. Not the real one. That they'd never taken the time to try.

Carmilla sighed and watched the woman stick her nose back in the book, effectively ending the conversation.

She remembered something she'd read a few years ago:  _If you've never wept and want to, have a child_. She moved to touch Faith, and noticed the way she bristled slightly. She pulled her hand back. Her heart breaking all over again. She thought suddenly about Laura, outside right now, carrying a child. Maybe carrying her child.

She wasn't sure she could do it again.

Faith shivered suddenly before Carmilla could question herself further.

"What is it?" She asked her.

"I think I've found something," she announced to the room. She made eye contact with the red headed witch. "From beneath you it devours…"

"The first," Willow groaned.

Faith nodded but then began shaking her head. "Yeah. But that's not all of it." She turned the page. "From beneath you it devours. From inside you it creates. One born of light. One born of darkness. One meant to control. One meant to die."

"Shit," Dawn whispered.

Faith read silently to herself for a few seconds and shut the book quickly. "We should probably get Giles back in here." She caught Carmilla's eyes and slid the book over to her.

Carmilla opened the book slowly and read to herself where Faith had stopped.

_Daughters born of women. Born of destruction. Born of death. Love will have its sacrifices. As daughters are born, mothers will die._

She shut the book quickly. Yeah. She wasn't ready for this.

"What else does it say?" Lafontaine asked.

She stood up and handed the book to Dawn before turning around and grabbing Faith's hands. "You. Come with me," she said, pulling her up.

"Double shit," she heard Dawn exclaim, as she shut the door.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I've gotten several messages about this story. Truth be told, I've been busy with... well, who cares, huh? Apparently, someone featured it on Autostraddle though. (And a big shout-out and thanks for that, by the way.) And I felt guilty not finishing it. I actually really have enjoyed writing it and... well, yeah. So if you are still reading, or still give a damn... here is chapter 5.
> 
> All mistakes are mine. And it's super AU. Especially with second season Carmilla.

Faith followed the vampire outside quietly. It was an overcast day, but then again, it was always an overcast day.  Carmilla was pacing, her face offering a particular frown Faith knew all too well.  

“What’s your instinct telling you?” Carmilla suddenly asked.  She’d stopped pacing, but her eyes were wild.

Faith watched her carefully.  “Run?”  She finally shrugged. “Always has been.”

Carmilla frowned at that, but seemed to calm down.  “That’s my fault too, isn’t it?”

“No,” the slayer answered. “Teaching me to survive isn’t really a fault, is it?”

You know ours is the darkness, right? The baby born of darkness? It won’t be yours. You’re the good in the world.” She sat down on the step Faith was currently occupying.  “This is my fault,” she sighed.

Faith shook her head.  She briefly pondered the fact that having her mother back made her feel like a child in some regards, before dismissing the thought. “I wouldn’t exactly say I was the good in anything.  And we don’t know that. The darkness bullshit. Prophecies are always iffy and weird and full of doublespeak or ironic meaning or whatever.  We should probably let the Super Researchers do their job before we have a real freak out.”

"Why do you do that?" Carmilla asked.  Faith didn't reply, so she sighed and continued. “I don’t know how to do this,” she finally said.

“Do what?”

“Be a parent,” she whispered.

Faith shrugged again.  “You did okay the first time,” she whispered back.

Carmilla smiled sadly.  “I was terrified every day.” She quickly shook her head. “I don’t mean of you. Just… I was always afraid I was going to mess up.  Or you’d be hurt. I tried to protect you from everything and sometimes I couldn’t.  I can’t explain to you what that feels like…”

Faith nodded.  “I’ve made it through okay.  I mean… I’m still alive and kicking.  Fightin’ the good fight.”

Carmilla nodded back.  “I thought you were going to die.  In Sunnydale.  I thought…”

Faith raised her eyebrow. 

* * *

 

_“Miss Karnstein?” the man asked.  “Am I speaking to Carmilla Karnstein?”_

_Carmilla’s cell phone had just ringed in the middle of a lecture on Kierkegaard and she was almost thankful.  She’d learned that she knew more than any of these stupid professors._

_“Yeah,” she answered, hesitant._

_I work for Tobias Black Investigations,” he began.  “I’m calling about…”_

_“Faith,” she finished for him.  Her stomach dropped as she sped away from the lecture hall.  “Is she okay?”_

_“She’s in Sunnydale Memorial.  Intensive Care. I’m sorry, I…”_

_Carmilla hung up the phone.  She could get there faster if she didn’t have to worry about it._

_The first thing she noticed was the hospital seemed entirely too large for such a small town. But then she remembered it was Sunnydale and yeah… it made more sense.  She was standing in front of the ICU’s nurses’ station, tapping her hand impatiently against the desk._

_“May I help you?”_

_“I’m looking for Faith Lehane.  I was told she was a patient here.”_

_The nurse raised an eyebrow at her.  “Relationship?” She asked suspiciously._

_“I’m her mother,” Carmilla said calmly._

_This caught the attention of the other nurse who, up until that moment, had been on the phone. They both stared at her._

_“I… uh… I’m sorry?” The first one settled on.  “Come again?”_

_“I am her mother,” Carmilla spoke slowly._

_“Listen,” the second nurse started.  “I’m not sure what you’re getting at… but… we can’t just let you in to… her father just…” she made eye contact with her colleague, “…died, I guess.  And she has no other family.  There was certainly no mother listed.  Especially one…”  She didn’t finish._

_Carmilla reached into her bag and pulled out an envelope.  “Birth Certificate.  Photographs.  My identification as well.  Faith Lehane is my daughter.”_

_Both women studied the documents before them.  The identification said that the woman, Carmilla Lehane was thirty-three years old.  They shared twin looks of surprise._

_Carmilla knew what they were thinking.  She raised an eyebrow back and crossed her arms menacingly._

_They handed her the documents.  The second nurse shrugged.  “Right this way, mam.”_

_Carmilla followed her into the room.  She wasn’t prepared for what she saw and she faltered momentarily._

_The nurse put her hand on her arm.  “Are you okay?”_

_“I… uh,” Carmilla shook her head, not taking her eyes off Faith.  “What happened to her?” She asked softly._

_“Stab wound,” the nurse answered.  “Abdominal. Followed by what has been assessed as injuries suffered from a fall. She was found on the back of a palette truck.  From what I understand, the driver said he heard a loud noise like a...” she paused, frowning, “...like a thud.  The doctors assume she fell from a window or balcony onto the truck bed.”  She frowned again.  “I’m sorry,” she said.  “Her injuries are quite extensive.  The head wound alone…” She didn’t finish._

_Carmilla nodded very slowly.  “Thank you.”_

_The nurse nodded back.  “If you…”_

_Carmilla shook her head.  “Thank you,” she spoke with finality._

_The nurse took the hint and left her alone._

_Carmilla walked slowly to the bed.  There was a chair near the corner of the room and she moved it next to the bedrail and sat down. She couldn’t take her eyes off Faith’s face. She looked so young.  So broken. She pulled back the blanket draped over the girl and lifted up the gown.  The wound to her stomach was bandaged, but she could still see the damage. She lay the blanket back down softly and took Faith’s hand._

* * *

 

“How long were you there?” Faith asked her. “You weren’t there when I woke up. No one was.”  She hated how small her voice sounded.  “You know what… fuck it.  It doesn’t matter.” She moved to walk away.

Carmilla grabbed her arm.  “I stayed as long as I could.  They were supposed to call me if..." she shook her head. "...when you woke. By the time I found out what happened, you were already in Los Angeles.  And by the time I got there, well you were…”

Faith nodded.  “Prison.  Yeah.”

She nodded back.  “You were safe there.”

Faith rolled her eyes. She’d heard that line before. “Jesus, is that what everyone thinks of prison? That it’s fucking safe? Some big bitch trying to slice me open with a ceremonial knife. Yeah… Nothing safer than that.”

It was Carmilla’s turn to roll her eyes. “Please.  The only danger in that place was you.  And we both know it.  Don’t play the pity party.  You know it’s unattractive and unlike you.”  She surveyed the grounds.  She had to admit they had some nice digs.  “Where do you think your little micro maniac took Laura?”

If Faith was offended, she didn’t show it. “There’s no telling, honestly.” She turned to face her.  “Look, I get you don’t like her or whatever, but she’s not bad.  In fact, she’s… she won’t hurt your girl. Who seems nice and all.  Kind of dumb posting that shit on the internet, but...” She ran her fingers through her hair.  “She won't hurt you either. I mean I wouldn’t let…”

Carmilla held up her hand.  “I wasn’t suggesting that.  I don’t think she’d hurt Laura.  And I’m not afraid of her.”

That caused Faith to laugh. “Oh, shit,” she smiled. “You totally should be. She’s tiny but scary as fuck. Seriously.  She’s been dead twice.  Come on.”

Carmilla scowled.  “I get it.  You know why I don’t like her…”

 

* * *

_Carmilla sighed dramatically as she sat the letter she was just reading on the table. Faith had been truant. Again.  It was the third letter in as many months. And it came with a certain caveat of “impending investigation and consequential expulsion,” if not rectified immediately._

_Her first reaction was to respond with her own letter inquiring why expulsion was the go to punishment for truancy.  Obviously a child who did not want to attend school would not be sad about not having to go. However, the word investigation, followed with Children’s Services, kept her from following her first instinct._

For a vampire, a decade is over in a metaphorical blink.  Her basic responses to everything that concerned Faith had been run, hide, ignore. But the girl was getting older, unrulier. And the more Carmilla was gone…

_She was interrupted from her musings when she heard the front door open. Before she rose to investigate, she heard two sets of footsteps.  And a certain, “shhhh…”_

_She bristled, but stayed put._

_“My ma is literally never here.  But you know…”_

_Silence. And then._

_“It’s cool, babe.”_

_Carmilla growled. It was a woman's voice.  She didn't know if that was surprising or not.   She could hear them coming closer and sent up a silent prayer to whatever was listening that they weren’t headed to her daughter’s bedroom.  If she had to kill her, the linoleum was a hell of a lot easier to clean._

_She crossed her arms and waited for the inevitable fallout.  She didn’t have to wait long._

_“I’ll be right back,” she heard Faith say.  “Kitchen’s that way.”_

_Great, Carmilla thought.  Now I can kill her before Faith even comes back downstairs._

_She walked through the door and jumped when she saw Carmilla sitting there.  “Whoa.  Faith didn’t say she had a sister.” She walked over to the table. Her hand outstretched. All bravado and bad-girl.  She was pretty.  Blonde hair.  Definitely a rocker chic.  If Carmilla had to guess... drums.  Drummers were the worst._

_And how old was she?  Nineteen? Twenty?  She couldn’t believe how much she was going to enjoy this._

_“I’m Ronnie.”_

_Carmilla cocked her eyebrow, but didn’t uncross her arms.  She nodded._

_Ronnie pulled her hand back.  “Uhh… so, yeah. Your sister…”_

_“She’s not my sister,” Carmilla cut her off.  She kicked a chair away from the table.  “Sit.”_

_Apparently Ronnie wasn’t as stupid as she actually looked, because she smelled the first scent of fear._

_“Uh maybe I should…” she backed towards the door._

_“Sit. Down.” Carmilla said.  “Don’t make me ask again.”_

_Ronnie nodded and scrambled to the seat._

_Carmilla put her forearms on the table and leaned towards her.  “I’m gonna talk.  You’re gonna listen.  You do that… And you’ll get out of here with all your organs intact.  You don’t and they’ll be finding you for weeks.  You got me?”_

_The woman swallowed and nodded again._

_“My daughter is fifteen years old,” she started._

_“Daughter?” She sputtered, almost standing._

_“I said sit!” She growled.  “And don’t interrupt. Are you stupid?”_

_Apparently she wasn’t because she shook her head but stayed quiet and sat back down._

_“Good. So listen carefully. My daughter is fifteen years old. And you aren’t. That alone could get twenty to life. Not that I’d let it get that far, mind you.”  She steeled her gaze. “She’s also more naïve than she lets on. What did you tell her? You were gonna listen to music? Show her something?”_

_Ronnie didn’t answer until Carmilla nodded and gave her permission.  “Uh… yeah.  I mean I’m in a band or whatever and she likes music and I thought that…”_

_“You thought if you could get my fifteen year old daughter alone, you could take her upstairs and what…” She didn’t finish, because she really wanted to Ronnie to finish for her._

_“Nothing. I swear.” Se threw up his hands. “Like nothing. I was just gonna…”_

_She jumped up all of a sudden and grabbed her arm.  “You were going to what?  Do you want to answer that, Ronnie?” Her named rolled off her tongue.  “I’d think real hard,_ Ronnie _about what you’re going to say here.  Because,_ Ronnie _,” she spat out her name a third time, “if you don’t answer correctly, I’m going to…”_

_“Hey,” they heard, coming from the hallway before she could finish (and before Ronnie could piss her pants).  “What are you…” Faith rounded the corner.  “Mom! What are you doing…”_

_Carmilla dropped the girl's arm.  “Ronnie has something to say to you.”  She shoved the girl. “Don’t you Ronnie?”_

_She nodded. “Uh yeah.  I’m sorry.  I just remembered that I got a gig.  In like New York or something… uh yeah, I just gotta…”  She ran past Faith and out the door._

_Faith turned to follow her but Ronnie slammed the door to the house.  She crossed her arms and rolled her eyes at her mother. “What do you think…”_

_Carmilla wasn’t sure when she’d been this angry before.  It was rolling off her.  She could feel the anger. Behind her eyes.  In her head. “Sit. The. Fuck. Down.” She shoved the chair towards Faith. “Now.”_

_“No.”_

_Carmilla had her back to Faith when she heard her say it.  She spun around and grabbed her daughter’s arm. “That’s it,” she started. “We’re leaving…” She didn’t get to finish the statement._

_Faith grabbed her head with both hands, her face twisted in pain._

_Carmilla caught her right before she hit the floor. Her stomach lurched. She knew what was happening. Her daughter had just been called._

_She blinked away the tears she felt forming, even as she caressed Faith’s head. They sat on the floor. Faith cried, her head in her mother's lap.  Carmilla couldn't do anything but stroke her hair and cry with her._

_Faith wanted it to just stop._

_And Carmilla wished it had never started._

* * *

 

“Yeah,” Faith nodded.  “I’m not really a fifteen year old kid now, am I? So you can stop with the whole…” she waved her hand around.  “Protective mom stuff or whatever it is you're doing.  I know what I’m doing.”

Carmilla really wanted to disagree with that. She didn’t think Faith knew at all what she was doing.  The tiny slayer had a track record of broken hearts and broken bones.  She didn’t care how many times she’d died or faced the big bad. She didn’t trust her. The wound in her daughter's stomach was a sickening reminder of just how much.  

She was about to speak when she heard someone come up behind them.  It was one of the other slayers, Kennedy, she remembered.

“Hey, Buffy sent me out here to find you two.”

“You her lapdog?” Faith questioned as Kennedy stepped over them so she could face them. Faith waited for her to turn around.  She rolled her eyes. “They back, messenger-girl?”

Kennedy put her hands on her hips. “Well yes, Faith. I am her lapdog. And her messenger. Her lackey or whatever…” She rolled her eyes back.  “Or maybe I didn’t wanna fucking research anymore. And yes, they’re back.  Guess they took a little jaunt around the grounds and then Buffy said they got hungry.  The cookies came back out.  We told her about the prophecy and what else we found. Then Buffy freaked out as Buffy is wont to do. And she ordered someone to come find you. I’m faster than Xander. The end.”

"So you've found something else?” Carmilla asked.

“Well we is probably not accurate.  But yeah.  Will did.  And your pal, Laf." She ignored Carmilla's eye roll. "Some variations on the prophecy. Different meanings of dark and light and all that.  Will doesn’t think it means one baby is bad or whatever.  More like they’re part of some sort of, I don’t know… she said like a yin-yangy kind of thing.  Two haves of a whole. Meant to defeat something or whatever.” She shrugged.  “I wasn’t particularly listening to specifics.To be honest, kinda still freaked out they gave the two Super Secret Laying Slayers a baby. And you and your chick too.  Not that I know her.  And you're like really old, so I guess that's different.  But seriously, a baby.  I mean..."

"Kennedy..." Faith growled.

Kennedy nodded. "Right It’s all a bunch of riddles anyway. But yeah… so nobody is having Rosemary’s baby or anything.  So you two McBrooders can heave a big ole sigh of relief and get your asses back to the library before your honeys come looking.”

They both nodded at her.

Carmilla caught Faith's eye.

"Don't ask.  And yes, she's pretty much always like that. But she's cool.  I mean she's my friend.  They're sort of hard to come by here."

Carmilla nodded.  "I gathered that.  But that makes me like her.  So I'll ignore the rambling."

"She gets that from her girlfriend," Faith stage-whispered.

"But the slayer-hearing is all mine," Kennedy trilled in front of them.  "Seriously.  Get moving. Or her highness, Queen B, will have me on night patrol with the newbies again." She shuddered and ran ahead.

Faith elbowed Carmilla.  “The yin/yang though. That's good news, right?”

Carmilla nodded back.  She was distracted.  She hadn’t missed the whole “meant to defeat something…” part of that speech.

When they got back inside, Buffy was waiting outside the library for them. 

Faith walked up to her.  “Feeling better?” She asked.  She put her arm around her.

Buffy smiled at her.  “A little.  Cookies help everything.”  She kissed her cheek, before she turned to Carmilla.  “I would like to speak to you.”

Faith bristled.  She knew Buffy would't let this go. “B… can’t it wait until…”

“It’s fine,” Carmilla answered.  In fact, it was more than fine.  She actually wanted a chance alone with the blonde as well.  Might as well be now.

“But I think…”

“You heard her, Faith.  It’s fine.”  Buffy turned back to her girlfriend.  “I won’t hurt her. I know that you… love her. I promise.”

Faith frowned at that.  “I know it’s just…”

“Go inside, Faith,” Carmilla said.

Faith watched their faces, before finally nodding and leaving them alone.

Buffy crossed the hall and stepped into the study. Carmilla followed her.

“That was impressive,” Buffy told her. “She never listens to me like that.” She shut the door behind them.

If Carmilla was nervous, she didn’t let on. She just moved to sit down. “I’m her mother.” She watched the slayer. She had her back against the door. “Sit down and I’ll tell you what you want to know.”

“I thought we didn’t have time for that?” Buffy challenged.  She moved to sit down anyway.

“We don’t.  But we’ve got to at least tolerate each other now.  And we can’t really do that if we can’t be in the same room together.  Whether you or I like it, we are sort of in this together.  So we’re going to have to learn how to be civil.  If that means I have to answer your questions. So be it.”

“Why did you kill her mother?”

Carmilla sighed.  “I answered that.”  When the smaller woman stared, she continued.  “Look, I know your background.  Where you come from.  I know just about everything about you.  And you don’t know anything about Faith.  Not her life. Not what she saw. Where she came from.  She would’ve died there.  Or worse. I didn’t have a choice.” She closed her eyes, thinking. Maybe it was true. Maybe it wasn’t. She wasn’t even sure anymore.

“You’re a vampire.” Buffy stated flatly. “Vampires don’t care about humans. They never have.”

“You dated more than one.  They didn’t care about you?”  Carmilla laughed.  “That makes you stupid,” and then she frowned.  “And completely unworthy of being with my…”

“They had souls,” Buffy spat out. “They were different.” She stuck out her lip.

Carmilla had to admit it was an amazingly effective pout.  She was starting to get why her daughter found the tiny ball of indignation attractive.

“So do I,” Carmilla stated.

She received a certain satisfaction from watching the blonde.  She was opening and closing her mouth.  “You…” she sputtered. “But how… they, Angel and Spike… they had to… it was…”  She shook her head. “Were you cursed too?”

Carmilla laughed.  “From the moment I was bitten.  But no.” 

“So then how?”

“How can I walk in sunlight?  Turn into a panther? I told you I wasn’t your average vampire.” 

The blonde stayed silent.  She obviously wanted more.  But Carmilla didn't have time to explain it all.  And didn't particularly care to give her an edited version.  In fact, the less this little slayer knew about her heritage the better.  At least for right now.

“Do you love her?” Buffy suddenly asked.

Carmilla wasn’t expecting the question. “Faith?”

Buffy nodded. 

“More than I’ve ever loved anyone. Ever.” She answered truthfully.

Buffy regarded her for a few moments. Carmilla knew she was studying her. Looking for the lie. She wouldn’t find it. Every word was the truth.

Finally the slayer nodded slowly. “Fair.”  She eyed her.  “It doesn’t mean I like you.  I’ll tolerate your presence but… once this is over, I want you gone. What you did to Faith… how you left her… I can’t forgive that.” She stood and walked to the door. “We’re needed in the library.”

Carmilla stayed seated. She was suddenly tired of this conversation.  Tired of the blonde in front of her.  “I could say every single one of those words to you.  Every single one.”

Buffy stopped, her hand on the doorknob.

“I get that you are the center of this little universe here.  I see how they fawn all over you.  I don’t care. I know who you are. I know what you’ve done. So tolerate away, blondie.” She stood and moved past her.  “But if you think you’re getting rid of me that easily…” she turned around, catching the slayer’s eye.  “…you will be sadly mistaken.”

She left the blonde standing behind her. She could feel the indignation rolling off the woman. 

She wished she gave a damn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't promise how regular these will be. But I will try to be way better with the updating. I know it's not cool.
> 
> Thanks for reading.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I've been a sucky updater, I thought I'd go ahead and upload this chapter too. 
> 
> But I need to say that Laura is hard to write. Not because I don't understand her character, but just because her background sort of consists of well... protective dad. That's it. Where's her mom? We don't know. Has she always known she was gay? Uhh... Why does she want to be a journalist? How did she end up at Silas with no freakin knowledge of what goes on there? Does she have any background relevant to what's going on in Carmilla right now? Who knows. But the completely lack of backstory, yeah... that scares the hell out of me honestly.
> 
> All mistakes are mine. I may or may not have edited this after taking an Ambien. (If there are any flying monkeys or talking rabbits or whatever dropped into the narrative, ignore it. I'll edit out the stupid tomorrow when I'm awake.)

"You're saying it was a giant fish?" Giles asked for the third time.

Laf nodded again.  "A giant Angler fish.  It probably sounds pretty cool. But trust me, it's not."

Laura shook her head vehemently.  "Not cool at all."

"You're right; it doesn't sound cool at all." Dawn groaned.  "I'm going to have start researching giant Angler fish gods, aren't I?"

Giles and Willow both absentmindedly nodded at her.

"Ugh. That means that every single book I've already been through, I'm going to have to go back through." She smiled at Danny. "You guys should have led with Giant Fish.  And I definitely need a new skill besides best researcher," she pouted.

"Sorry," Danny frowned.  "In your defense you really are the best researcher I've ever seen."

Laura and Laf both tried not bristle at that statement.  They could research circles around that skinny girl.  

"Bet a library never tried to kill her," Laura said.

"Nope," Dawn smiled.  "Just a hell-god.  Some monks.  About a million demons. Including one who," she singsonged, "made us all sing and dance until we almost died.  Cause he wanted to take me to hell to be his bride."

The Scotland Gang looked up terrified, and she clamped her hand over her mouth.  "Not a song.  Just an unfortunate rhyme.  Sorry." She muttered from beneath it.

They nodded slowly.

"Hell bride rhyme aside, that sort of sounds cool." Laf said.

Giles, Xander, Dawn, and Willow shook their heads.  "It wasn't," they all blurted out the same time.

"And of course, the First Evil," Dawn continued. "And a letterman's jacket.  But that's a long story."

Laf nodded in awe.  "You win."

"Yay.  I win super researcher award.  That sounds like I lose.  A lot." She grabbed the book she'd just closed.  "New skill.  I need it."

"You could learn to cook," Andrew said.

She stared at him for a moment.  Laura got the feeling there was some weird history there. "I'd rather research."

Xander patted Dawn on the knee.  "Aw. You can learn how to translate all of this digitally," he waved his hand around the room, "and then we could spend more time together."

"If I learned your skill then someone else could do what you do, and then my sister will just kill you and.." She frowned again.  "And crap... then I'd have two jobs," she answered incredulously.  "No thanks, bucko."

He frowned back.  "Glad your priorities are in order."

She shrugged and turned back to read. 

Laura prided herself on her investigative journalistic skills.  Case in point, it was totally obvious that Xander and Dawn were dating. Even without the cutesy banter the two kept exchanging, and the odd... well, eye, Xander kept throwing at Danny, Buffy's huffing and puffing, and general death glares at the guy gave it away. (Plus maybe Buffy had told her earlier when they took a walk. But she'd have totally figured it out without Buffy's help). She was thinking about how she was going to let Danny down easily when she had to tell her that the Slayer's sister and the guy with one eye were an item.  

Buffy had left soon after Kennedy.  She told Laura she'd be right back.  Laura figured the research was getting to her.  Laura had tried to keep up with everything they told her.  Basically either one of the babies was evil or it wasn't.  So one was supposed to defeat the other, or they were supposed to combine forces and defeat something else.  They seemed to believe it had to do with something called The First.  And once they explained more about _that_ , she'd decided she wanted to stop listening for a while.

At this point, Laura was more concerned with explaining her predicament to her father.  To say he was overprotective would be putting it a bit lightly.  When she'd come out to him in high school, he'd breathed a big sigh of relief and said, "Well, at least you can't get pregnant." When she'd frowned and protested that maybe she might want kids one day, way, way, way in the future, he'd just laughed and said, "at least you can't accidentally get pregnant," then patted her head. 

And of course... his flippant attitude just double-sealed her current fate. In fact, it was almost like fate was real.  And it hated her.  A lot.  Cause here she was... a bonafide lesbian.  Pregnant.  With a mystical baby, who may or may not be the next anti-Christ.  At this point, the most she could hope for was that her freakin' lesbian Vampire girlfriend was the other mother... father... parent... she didn't even know and that she didn't get pregnant just standing next to stupid Kirsch at the pit.

Danny was staring at her oddly from across the room.  Laura tried to smile at her.  Danny tried to smile back, but Laura could tell she was freaked out.  Perry hadn't stopped dusting, straightening, cleaning since they'd told her about the baby.  No one batted an eyelash at the fact either.  Which was even weirder to Laura because that meant that the people in the castle were more than used to strange behavior.

Laf looked like they just got an early Christmas present.  She recalled words like "minimally invasive" when they first discovered something was strange about Carmilla.  For the first time since she'd found out, she wrapped her arms protectively around her waist.

The whole prophecy mumbo jumbo and the rest of the information they’d bombarded them with overwhelmed Laura. So when the library door opened, she had to fight the urge to run and jump into Carmilla’s arms.  A good thing, seeing as only Faith and Kennedy walked back in.

Faith must’ve noticed everyone staring. Laura was glad she made eye contact with her first.

“They’re talking in the study.” She shrugged.  “I’ll give ‘em ten minutes and if they’re not back, I’ll drag them out.  So no worries.” She winked at Laura. “All’s good.”

Laura smiled back.  She was incredibly sleepy.  Ever since they’d come back, Perry had been mother hen-ing her to death.

“I just wish you’d eat something besides processed junk food.  It’s really not good for the baby.”  She was clucking her tongue. “I could make you a fruit salad?”

Fruit salad sounded terrible.  Laura shook her head.  “I’m fine.  Just exhausted.”

“Why don’t you go upstairs?  Lie down?” Perry asked.

Willow nodded beside her.  “It’s fine.  You don’t have to stay in here all day.”

“Thank god,” Xander muttered, popping up.

“Not you,” Giles said, not looking up. He turned to Laura. “But if you’d like, please go ahead. We can send someone up if we find something.”

Laura didn’t want to leave.  At least not until Carmilla was back, standing in front of her. She liked these people, but she’d learned the hard way that trust was something you should reserve for people you’ve know longer than a day.

Faith was sitting in a chair next to the couch. “Take the couch,” she offered with a sweep of her hand.  It was obvious she could read Laura’s discomfort.

“Thanks,” Laura smiled at her. “I just don’t want to…”

Faith nodded back.  “You’re safe.” She looked around the room. Everyone else had put their noses back in their books.  Or at least they’d pretended to.  She leaned over so she could whisper.  “Are you okay?”

Laura nodded, sleepily.  She looked toward the library door.  “Are you sure they’re…”

Faith shrugged.  “I don’t think they’re in there becoming besties or whatever. But…”  She sighed and set the book she was reading on her knees so she could fully face the girl.  “Buffy’s angry.  And my…I mean Carmilla… well, she’s... Carmilla. They’re kind of like dogs that need to pee on the furniture.”

Laura giggled and bit her lip to keep from laughing.

Faith raised her eyebrow.  “Funny?”

She nodded.  “Just imagining them peeing on the furniture in the there.” She closed her eyes.  “God, I’m so sleepy, I'm delusional.”

Faith winked at her. “Take a nap. Maybe when you wake up, we’ll have this all figured out and you’ll be carrying around one less worry.”

“Really?”

It was Faith’s turn to laugh. “No.  Not at all.  But at least you won’t be sleepy?”

Laura nodded at the question. She decided she liked Faith.

When Laura was in high school, she had a history teacher.  Her name was Ms. Read.  And she was probably the most aptly named woman on the entire planet. For an entire period, every day without fail, Ms. Read would read to the entire class.  Straight from the textbook.  It was the most boring experience of Laura's life.  

But it was also where she learned she could pretty much sleep anywhere.  In class, she could sit straight up, hide her eyes with her hair, and sleep.  She suspected it was a learned skill that half her class had also acquired, because more days than not, the only sounds she could hear (provided she was awake, herself) was the drone of her teacher and the deep breathing and snoring of the rest of her class.  

So sleeping on a couch in the a room full of people didn't really bother her in the least.  

* * *

 

The arguing, or whatever the heck was going on that woke her up however, bothered her a lot.

She kept her eyes closed.  One - she just really didn't want to open them.  She figured if she stayed still, maybe they'd stop and she could go back to sleep.  Two - if they didn't, she wanted to make sure she knew what the heck they were fighting/arguing about before she added herself into that lovely mix.  She focused on trying to decipher the voices without moving.  

"If you would all just calm down, perhaps..."  Definitely English guy.  Mr. Giles.  Unfortunately, he didn't get to finish.

"Absolutely not," that was definitely Buffy.  "Have you people been doing drugs?"  Her voice was shrill.

"Buff..." that was the witch.  Willow.  "Just listen.  We think that we can..."

"Can what?" Buffy asked, cutting her off too.  Buffy was the queen of interruption, Laura silently noted.  "She's a kid." She also noticed her voice had gotten quieter.  "If you absolutely just have to run these tests, run them on me.  I'm stronger.  And there is no way we are putting her..."  Laura couldn't quite make out the end of what Buffy was saying. She knew she was talking about her, but she wasn't sure what she meant.

She debated 'waking up.'  

"She's asleep," Laf said.  "You have to speak up."

Laura decided it might be better to stay 'asleep.'

"How invasive are they?" She heard Carmilla ask.  Laura expected her voice to be closer to her.  But maybe she was on the other side of the room because she didn't want to wake her?

"She's your girlfriend," Buffy spat out.

"B..." That was Faith.

"She is," Carmilla interrupted.  "And she's carrying a child that was conceived in the most unnaturally possible way.  So we have to know everything we're dealing with. We came here for help.  Not to hide and wait for the devil's spawn to be born.  If the babies' prophecy, or whatever, is certain... if your people can figure it out... we'll know what we need to do.  And we'll be able to stop another damn near-apocalypse." 

Carmilla's words hurt.  At this point, Laura didn't want to get up.  She wasn't sure what Carm was getting at, but if she thought...

"That's not exactly  your decision to make," Danny angrily interjected. "Shouldn't Laura have a freakin say."

"No one fucking asked you..." Carmilla started.

"Of course she should," Willow cut her off. "Look we aren't suggesting doing anything harmful to the babies.  We just need to run the tests."

"B, I think Red's got a point."

"Of course you do..." Laura didn't have to see Buffy's face, to imagine the look she had.  Her voice was dripping sarcasm by this point.  "You have never, and I mean never, trusted magic.  Every time we've even discussed using it, you've always said. 'Magic's gonna bite us the ass, B. You know it.'" Laura thought it was a pretty good impression. "But now... because Mommy thinks it's a good idea, you're all good with these tests.  And the word tests by the way... we all know that is the biggest understatement of the century.  You want to figure out what's going on with these babies, you better find another way.  You are not going anywhere near Laura... or you know what, you're not going near me either... not with that..." she paused.  "...whatever that thing is.  Not with your spells.  Not with your needles.  No witches.  No hypnosis.  Figure it out.  You have six million books in this library.  If you can't chant a spell and see what's going to happen or whatever... well, then we're waiting and seeing."

"And what happened to letting Laura decide?" Carmilla asked.

Cue to wake up, Laura thought.  Angry.  And maybe a little scared.  "I'm with Buffy," she spoke into the room as she sat up.  

Her eyes widened when she saw what Buffy was referring to as "that."  It was a long, cylindrical tube with some type of smaller tubular apparatus on one end.  There were carvings on it and it looked old and completely not old.  Like something a magical and very mad scientist would use to extract...  Her eyes got big as she realized what they wanted to do with it.

She stood up.  "I'm way, way, way with Buffy."  She glared at Carmilla.  "I didn't come here for them to run scary tests on me." She turned her head sideways, examining the instrument or whatever.  "Or experiment on the baby. Or..." she waved her hand towards the tube.  "...yeah, nope.  That's not happening.  Not ever."

"Laura," Carmilla started walking towards her.  She stopped when Laura crossed her arms.  Carmilla held up her hands.  "Okay.  Just listen.  We don't know what we're dealing with.  We have to interpret this prophecy.  To do that, we are going to have to... work with the... the fetuses."  Her face fell.  Most likely because she knew she'd just used the exact wrong word.

"Well... as you've stated I'm the one carrying the _fetus_.  So Devil Spawn or not... she's mine."  

Carmilla frowned.  "You were awake this whole time?"

Laura crossed her arms.  "Long enough."  

* * *

Buffy watched the girl storm out.  She thought it was impressive given the circumstances.  Then she realized Laura probably had no idea where to go, and moved to follow her.

Her girlfriend did the same.

"Let me," Buffy said.

"And why would I do that?" Carmilla challenged.

"Because she's mad at you?" Buffy challenged back.  "And she's not mad at me?" 

Lafayette raised their eyebrow.  "She's got a point.  You know how Laura gets when she's angry.  You know how you get when Laura's angry at you.  Might be best to..."

Carmilla's scowl shut her up.  

Buffy made eye contact with Faith.  

"They're right," Faith sighed.  "She probably would rather talk to B.  I mean she did hear you say..."

Buffy didn't have time to study how Carmilla just deflated at Faith's words.  She watched the vampire nod silently and go sit beside the other slayer.  She nodded at Faith before turning to the rest of them.  "Research.  Figure something out." She gestured to Willow's instrument.  "And put that thing far, far away from here."  She made eye contact with Kennedy.  

Kennedy grabbed it.  "On it," she answered.  She noticed Willow's face. "What? She's the boss?  I'm sort of with them on the whole 'don't mystically violate their bodies or whatever.' Call me a feminist."

Buffy was through the door before she had to deal with whatever fallout that statement caused.  She rolled her eyes at the raised voices and wished she could just go back to bed.

* * *

 "Laura," Buffy called after the smaller girl, who was storming down the hallway.  

Laura stopped and turned around.  

Buffy smiled at her.  "That's the dormitory.  Trust me when I tell you, you don't want to go that way."

Laura tried to smile, but wasn't really successful.  "I'm sorry.  I'm not really that dramatic usually.  I just... everything is sort of freaking me out right now.  I mean with the baby, which is just a whole big bucket of weird on its own... I've now got to add," she sighed.  "Well, everything else."

Buffy nodded.  She knew what the girl was talking about.  She inwardly groaned at what she was about to say.  "Look, I don't particularly like your girlfriend or whatever but..." she sighed.  "...she's kind of freaked out. I don't know how much you heard, but she wasn't trying..."

"She wasn't about to let them use that super-scary tube on me? Cause it sure sounded like she was." Laura countered.

Buffy shuddered at that. "She just wants answers.  They all do.  I can understand it.  I want them too.  But," Buffy put her hand on her stomach, and smiled at Laura.  "I want this more." She put her hand on Laura's shoulder and led her into the dining hall.  They sat down on one of the benches.  "I know it's different for you.  You're younger than me.  You haven't even gotten a chance at life yet."

Laura frowned, but mimicked Buffy's movement from earlier, and put her hand on her stomach as well.  "Have you had a chance at a normal life?  Ever?"

Buffy was startled by the question.  "I guess..." she faltered and looked down at her hands.  "No... not really."  She smiled softly and looked down at her stomach.  "But maybe she will give me a chance."

Laura nodded.  "Maybe." She looked down at her own stomach.  "I feel like she's kind of taking mine away," she rubbed it.

Buffy shook her head.  "I hate to say it but you're life was taking a left turn from normal before her," she motioned with her head.  "You think it's a girl too, huh?"

Laura nodded.  "Yeah. I dreamed she was anyway."  She looked back up.  "I know that my life this past year was a bit... different or whatever.  But I wasn't expecting this.  I am not ready for this.  Not like at all ready."

"Were you ready for vampires? Supernatural Universities?  Sentient Buildings?"

Laura frowned at that.  "Well no..."

Buffy nodded.  "I've seen more than most people could possibly dream of seeing.  Even if they were really, really screwed up," she winked.  "And I keep messing up.  Like over and over again.  But I have learned a few things here and there." She put her arm around Laura's shoulder.  "One, most things in life, even death honestly, can be overcome."

Laura looked confused.

So Buffy smiled and cleared her throat and tried again.  "I just mean that we don't ever know what's coming.  We can't even imagine it.  So I've kind of stopped trying.  I figure it's better to just kind of deal with what life throws at me.  One day at a time or whatever. And then it's easier. And two, sometimes life's a little surprising," she smiled more clearly.  "But that's not necessarily a bad thing; in fact sometimes it turns out for the best.  At least it has for me." She patted the girl's knee.  "About the test.  I don't think they'll hurt you.  I didn't mean that.  I just don't want to do anything that is unnecessary and potentially... well like damaging or whatever."  She looked down.  "I'm not sure what the test would do to the babies.  That might not matter as much to you right now but..."

"I don't want them touching her.  I'm scared to death, honestly.  But she's mine.  Even if she's no one else's.  She's mine.  And I don't want them hurting her.  I can't help but feel that I..." she faltered.

"Love her?" Buffy asked.

Laura nodded slowly. "Yeah. How can I not?" She frowned. "However, I'm also starting to wonder if maybe all of this was on purpose.  Like we were supposed to get pregnant.  We were supposed to come here.  You can't argue it's not odd that Faith and Carm are..."

Buffy nodded. "Yeah.  I think you're right. Wow you really are studying investigative journalism, huh?"

Laura distractedly nodded. "It makes you wonder why Carmilla's mother needed Faith out of the picture all those years ago, huh?"

Buffy spun around.  "What did you say?"

Laura nodded.  "Like maybe her mom knew something about this.  Especially if there were prophecies..."

Buffy sat there stunned.  "Oh my god," she put her hand over her mouth.  "That makes perfect sense," she mumbled.

"Question is - why was she so afraid of it happening?  What would removing Faith from the equation accomplish?"

Buffy stood up.  "I don't know," she said, taking the other girl's hand, and pulling her to her feet.  "But I bet my baby's grandmother does."

She watched Laura shudder.  "Holy crap.  That hadn't even crossed my mind.  Ew."  She swatted the slayer's arm.  "Thanks."

Buffy shrugged.  "Let's go back in there and find out the truth.  What do you say?"

Laura smiled and nodded.

Maybe the rest of the them didn't understand.  Maybe they didn't get it.  But Buffy and Laura had no real choice. Something felt the need to give them these children.  And they were going to protect them.  Now that they had each other, maybe it wouldn't be so terrifying at least.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like. Thanks for reading.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay... so please don't be mad. A story has to have conflict or well... what's the point? So there's conflict. But like I said in the summary, things aren't always what they seem.

Once Buffy and Laura left, a collective sigh filled the room.  A daunting task was facing them.  One Buffy and Laura had just made ten times harder.

"So," Laf said.  "I guess we go back to researching?"  They seemed a bit more giddy at the prospect than the rest of them.

Carmilla sighed. Research wasn't going to work.  And everyone in the room save the happy ginger, knew that. She turned to the witch.  "Are we going to find anything in here?" She gestured to one of the giant books laying on the table beside her.  "I understand their reservations as much as anyone, but if there's a faster way..." she could feel Danny rolling her eyes.  "... I mean that doesn't involve anything invasive," she stressed, "...it seems sort of pointless to take the long way round."

Several of the others nodded their heads as well. No one wanted to outright argue with the pregnant girls, but... it was evident everyone felt they were being a bit unreasonable.  Well... almost everyone.

"I think we need to stop talking about it and go back to doing what Buff asked us to do," Kennedy said.  The rest of them completely ignored her.  "Idiots," she mumbled.

Willow shrugged at the vampire.  "I guess you need to define invasive."  She sat down and closed another book.  "There are certain things I can do that doesn't involve actual physical experimentation."

"Such as?" Carmilla asked.

"I don't think I can read the babies' future," she answered.  "Not the way Buffy suggested anyway.  Trying to see anyone's future is iffy and messes with forces we should't mess with.  But... there are ways that I can read them.  The babies I mean.  It's sort of like a hypnotic state kind of thing.  I'd just need to concentrate.  And it's not exact.  If something or someone else is involved in all of this, they could very well cloud what I see.  So it would be conjecture at the most."

Perry was holding a book, turning it upside down, obviously trying to read it. It seemed a futile effort.  She finally set it down. "Well conjecture's better than nothing, right?" she asked.  

Carmilla and Faith both nodded.

"At least we'd have something," Faith added. "It's better than vague Sumerian doublespeak any damn day of the week."

"It would give us a place to start.  Perhaps Willow could ascertain the children's true purpose." Giles added.  

"I agree with Faith. Anything outside of these stupid vague prophecies would be helpful." Dawn said. She held up the book she was reading.  "This one has a passage about light devours.  And mothers' daughters who weren't.  I don't even know what that's supposed to mean." She picked up another book she'd been studying. "This one says they are meant to defeat an army. That one over there said they're meant to defeat themselves.  And that one said they were born to live and born to die. There's lines about devouring, and light, and destruction, and fear, and... the more I read the less sense anything makes.  Except maybe we should be really, really terrified." She sighed. "We can research all day long, but you guys know as well as I do we're just going to find more contradictions and nonsense."

Kennedy stood up and shook her head.  "So, I'm gonna be the voice of sanity for a moment.  I'm pretty sure they both stated before they left that you guys weren't gonna get that chance. And right now, all we do know is that two people in this castle are pregnant.  And those two people have a right to tell you what they want done in regards to that. So I can't, for the freakin' life of me, figure out why you guys are so set on going against their wishes."

"What choice do we actually have , K?"  Faith asked. Kennedy was her best friend and often times the bane of her existence.  She didn't understand the 'support Buffy's feelings at all cost' rant Ken had been on lately. "Sit here on our hands and hope to god that we didn't cause the world to end?  We have no idea why this happened.  We don't know who do it.  We don't even know how.  Basically we know jack shit.  I get Buffy's point.  But there's a lot at stake here. No one is talking about hurting them.  Or the babies. We want the same thing they do."

"Really?  And what is that, Faith? Cause I don't think you do. I think you and mommy, here, actually don't want that at all." Kennedy challenged. She didn't wait for a reply. "And when do we ever know anything?  Everybody in here knows as well as I do we basically just stumble on shit as we go."

Carmilla growled at her, but Faith held her back.

"No, Faith's right," Willow answered. "We have next to nothing to go on except a couple of vague interpretations of a prophecy. Just because it's hard to find answers, doesn't mean we should just go in blind, Ken."

Kennedy crossed her arms.  "This isn't about it being hard to find answers. This is about Buffy telling you not to do it. She said no."

Carmilla noticed the rest of them groan. It wasn't the first time she questioned exactly why the little blonde was always in charge of everything.  Based on her knowledge of their respective pasts, most of the people in this room had been as instrumental in saving the world as the slayer.  The near-hypnotic hold she had on them was mind-baffling.  

Xander held up his hand.  "Can I interject?"  Willow rolled her eyes, but nodded at him. "Even if you guys are right... we all know Buff is not gonna let you near them.  So basically we're just discussing a moot point. And as much as I hate researching, discussing something we aren't gonna be able to do seems even more pointless. I mean its not like we can knock them out or anything." He noticed Willow's face. "Wait a minute... I didn't mean..."

"Can you do it without their knowledge?" Carmilla asked.  "This 'seeing' or whatever it is that you do?"

Danny crossed her arms and scoffed.  "That sounds like a bad idea, vamp." She shook her head. "In fact, it's an incredibly stupid idea."

Kennedy nodded. "Agreed. A truly stupid idea."

"Well tough, K.  I don't recall Buffy needing a fucking bodyguard.  So you can fall in line." Faith growled.  "Can you do it, Red?"

The witch hesitated. "Uh... yeah, I mean I guess I can.  I don't necessarily need them to be awake to just look." She turned to Giles. "What do you think?"

"Provided it causes no residual harm, I don't see the problem." He answered.  "Besides Buffy's ire, I mean."

"Yeah," Dawn conceded.  "That could be a problem."  

Xander shook his head.  "Could be? It will be a mighty big problem.  Harm wise, I mean.  Buff's not gonna be cool with you just mystically poking around if she finds out."

"It's not mystical poking," Dawn told him.  "She's just looking.  It's like a trance, isn't it?  You close your eyes, do your spell thingie and see what pops up. And they're just taking a nap.  Right?"

Willow nodded.  "Mostly."

The rest of the room let that sink in.  Carmilla knew it was a risk.  She wasn't keen on angering Laura any more than she already had.  But she also wasn't keen on barreling heard first into another apocalyptic situation if she could help it. At this point, Buffy was being nothing more than a bad influence on Laura and she was less than thrilled about that.

 "I'm all for finding out the truth, but... Laura's not going to like this either, Carmilla.  She was pretty adamant about..." Laf said. 

"...about not coming near her," Carmilla scowled.  "And we're not."

Laf nodded.  They knew all to well when not to argue with the broody vampire.

Willow frowned again.  "Honestly, we... I mean I don't need to touch them or anything.  But..." She turned to Giles.  "It would just be easier if I could concentrate.  Focus.  The reading would be more exact if I could get them together and..."

"And just how do you propose to do that?" Ken asked.

"Well... we could wait till they were asleep.  Then maybe move them in the same room and then I could... or we could just give them... they're just exhausted anyway... a little white lavender tea and..."

It was the second time the entire room got quiet.  

Kennedy finally threw up her arms.  "No way that I'm cool with this," she stated, standing up.  

Faith narrowed her eyes at her.  "Where are you going?"

She shook her head.  "To train.  Look I'll stay out of your way, but I'm going on record..." she shook her head.  "Whatever," she growled.

"Wait," Danny called after her. "I'm coming with."

Kennedy nodded at her and led her out.

* * *

People could say what they wanted about Buffy, but she could read a room.  A couple of coups would do that to a girl.  When she opened the library door and noticed the hemming and hawing from her friends (especially Wills who was sometimes more obvious than a walking billboard,) she knew something was up.

She looked around the room slowly.  "So... where's Ken?"

"Working out," Willow squeaked out.  "You know how she gets when she's stuck researching for too long."

Buffy turned to Faith.  "What's going on?"

Faith shrugged. The lack of eye contact was beyond evident.

Buffy studied Faith a bit longer.  Willing her to look at her.  It wasn't working.  She knew immediately they were up to something.  She made eye contact with Laura.

"Is Danny with her?" Laura asked.

Carmilla frowned.  "You look exhausted, Laura.  Why don't you sit down?" She guided her to the couch.

Perry nodded.  "I made you some tea," she handed Laura a mug.  "You too," she told Buffy.

"Thanks," they both muttered.

Buffy sat down beside her.  

It wasn't until the second swallow that it dawned on Buffy. Unbelievable she thought. She caught Faith's eye even as she felt hers closing.  She hoped Faith got the message.

* * *

 Carmilla and Faith caught their respective others before they fell.  Andrew and Perry ran up and grabbed the mugs and set them down before backing away slowly.

As soon as she laid Buffy back she felt sick  She watched Carmilla do the same for Laura before she put her head in her hands and sat down.  "Buffy knows." The eye contact Buffy made with her told her everything.  They'd just fucked up.  Royally.

"Great," Xander groaned.  "And I'm out too.  You guys have fun with this one, but don't say I didn't warn you..."  He shook his head.  

They watched him go before Faith spun to Willow. "Make this count.  I mean it."

"Right.  No pressure.  You were all onboard five seconds before they walked in the room but now..."

"Yeah, but you said Buffy wouldn't even know.  Faith's totally right.  I saw her eyes.  She knew.  And we're toast when she wakes up." Dawn squealed.

Faith shook her head.  Fuck.  She... she just wanted to know what was going on.  She got why Buffy didn't want them looking too deep. But it wasn't just about Buffy.  Or Laura.  Was it? she thought.  No... it wasn't, she told herself. 

"Do what you gotta do, Red." Faith said.  She sat down and took Buffy's hand. She squeezed it.  She had a sick feeling it was the last time she was going to get to do that for a while.

Willow nodded and scurried over.

Carmilla frowned at Faith. She moved next to Laura and copied her movement. Faith just shook her head at her mother. Carmilla was beginning to wonder if they'd just made a huge mistake.  And at what cost?

* * *

 Laura opened her eyes slowly.  That's weird, she thought.  I don't remember falling asleep.  She quickly scanned the room.  And I really don't remember falling asleep here, she panicked.

She was in a living room.  It was small.  Modern.  A couple of chairs and a couch. A dining room table. She was beyond certain she'd absolutely never seen this house before.  Before she could completely hyperventilate, she noticed a door leading outside.  It was open.  She stood up slowly.  "Hello?" She called.

"Out here," Buffy replied.  She was standing at edge of a porch, her back to Laura.  She turned her head.  "They put a spell on us."

Laura hurried over to her.  "What?!?" She shook her head.  Did she just say spell?

Buffy nodded.  Laura couldn't help but notice how calm she was.  "A sleeping spell.  It was in the tea."

"Okay," Laura spoke slowly.  "So... why are we awake?  And where exactly are we?"

"We aren't awake," Buffy shrugged.  "As for where we are... I have no clue why... but..." She turned and walked back inside.  She gestured towards the mantle in front of them.

Laura looked to where Buffy pointed.  There were a few photographs scattered across it.  One was the slayer and her sister.  Another had her friends and her watcher and someone she didn't recognize.  There was also one of Buffy and an older woman.  She noticed the older woman in another photograph with Dawn as well. So apparently Buffy knew where they were.  It didn't really make Laura feel all that better.

"Okay, can you maybe go back and explain the asleep part?" Laura asked. "Cause I don't really feel asleep."

Buffy sat down on the couch.  She patted the seat next to her and waited for Laura to follow suit.

"This is my house," Buffy started.  "My old house, I mean.  In Sunnydale.  California.  It's not here... there anymore."

Laura was trying to keep up. She wondered why her head was spinning if this was just a dream? "Your house?"

"It was my mom's house. In Sunnydale.  It's gone. I mean Sunnydale's gone.  The entire town.  It vanished. So this house doesn't exist."

Laura nodded like she understood. Obviously she didn't.  "Right.  Okay.  So we're in a house... in a town that doesn't exist."

Buffy nodded again.  "Yep."

Laura looked around the room more fully.  She turned around and peered through the blinds into the front yard. "Is anyone else here?"

Buffy shook her head.  "Not that I'm aware.  You've been out a little bit longer than I was so I looked around.  I mean I didn't go far cause I didn't want you to freak out or anything, but... no.  No one's here.  Ergo... we're dreaming."

Laura figured she had no choice but to believe her.  "Okay... so why are we like dreaming together or whatever?"  She could buy the dreaming part. Even the 'there was something in the tea' part.  Shared dreams though?

"That I don't know.  I'm pretty sure whatever they're doing right now, they hadn't planned on this happening." She leaned back and groaned, covering her face with her hands.  "This is why I hate magic.  I can't believe Faith... or any of them really... were okay with this."

Laura put her hands on her stomach.  "Oh god... what are they doing to our bodies?"

Buffy patted her arm. "I don't know.  I doubt it's as bad as you think.  At least physically.  Willow's probably doing some sort of magical digging or whatever."  Her eyes flashed angrily.  "The exact thing I told them not to do."

"Is this common though?"

"The complete disregard for my wishes?" Buffy asked.  "No.  Not usually."

"No," Laura shook her head.  "I mean that's good to know I guess, but I meant the dream. Like the shared dreams?"

Buffy shrugged again.  "Sometimes.  I've had a few.  They've normally only been with Faith though; so I'm not sure what the purpose of this is."  She stood up.  "Usually we have them when a big bad is coming. Normally it's some sort of code about how to defeat whatever is trying to destroy the world, or me... Let's look around.  Maybe there's something we're supposed to find or some message.  I don't know."

* * *

 After a thorough search of the house, they both came to the same conclusion that there was nothing inside of use.  Buffy's nostalgia aside (she'd briefly mentioned her mother's passing) Laura couldn't figure any reason they'd be there. She trusted the slayer though.  And Buffy believed they were missing something.  She didn't think Willow sent them there, which meant that there was something there they needed to know.

Buffy was standing near the mantle again.  Holding one of the photographs.  "I didn't think I'd ever see this again," she said sadly, putting it back.

"Maybe we should look outside?" Laura finally asked. She understood the woman's pain; she really, really did.  But there were more pressing matters to attend to right now. Like what the holy hell was going on?

Buffy nodded her agreement.  She moved to the kitchen, close to opening the back door when she heard giggling.  "Do you hear that?" She turned to Laura.

Laura nodded.  "It's coming from out there."

To be honest it sounded like children, but she hid behind the slayer anyway.

* * *

 "Well that's new," Buffy said when they'd stepped outside.

In front of them was a swing set.  The kind she had as a small child.  Pink metal, with an attached slide.  In the middle of the set were two swings.  And two little girls swinging.

"Uhhh..." Laura started. Those little girls were not in the photographs she'd just seen.

"It's just a dream," Buffy whispered.  She wasn't sure if she was easing the other girl's fears or her own.

It took a moment for the little girls to notice them, but they finally looked up at the same time.

"Hi," Buffy smiled softly.  "I'm Buffy.  And this is..."

"Laura," the girl finished for her.  

Both of the little girls were brunette.  They were not identical but the resemblance was more than striking.  One had green eyes; the other had blue.  They were both wearing purple shorts and t-shirts with cartoon unicorns on them.

"Hi," the girl with green eyes stopped swinging and shyly smiled.  "I'm Tara."

Buffy stepped back on instinct, clutching her chest.  "What did you say?"

The little girl immediately stopped smiling.  It was obvious she knew she'd upset the woman.  "Tara.  That's my name," she answered more quietly than before.

Buffy's heart was beating so fast she felt like fainting.  She wondered if you could faint in a dream.

"Are you okay?" Laura whispered, still staring at the little girls.

Buffy ignored her and squatted in front of the little girl.  "Where'd you get that name?" She tried to project an air of calm she was't at all feeling.

"My aunt's friend.  Before I was borned. She was my aunt's friend." She looked down.  "Everybody said she was a really good person."

Buffy silently agreed. She frowned and looked at the other girl, who was kicking her feet in the dirt.  "And what's your name?"

She looked at Buffy.  "Rachel," she said quietly.

"Oh my god," she heard Laura exclaim behind her.

Buffy turned around and looked at the other girl. "What?"

Laura was shaking her head.  "That was my mom's name."

* * *

 Laura wanted to wake up.  She wanted to wake up right now.  She thought if she kept pinching herself it would do the trick.  Whoever said you couldn't feel pain in a dream was wrong, she thought as it was safe to say the pinching wasn't working.

She waited for Buffy to make the next move. Finally the slayer stood up and held out her hands for the little girls to take.  "Let's go inside."

The girls nodded and hopped off the swing.  

After a few moments of trying to, and finally succeeding in catching her breath, Laura followed them inside.  Several things were running through her mind, but the most important was how much she was going to murder her girlfriend and her friends for allowing this to happen. She shook her head.  Maybe Carm didn't know?  Like maybe she just thought that... Laura couldn't come up with an excuse.  That hurt as much as anything.

She found the three of them in the kitchen.  Buffy was rustling through the refrigerator.  Laura noticed a plate of cookies on the table.  

Buffy pulled out a carton of milk, sniffed it, and then shrugged.  "Least we have food."  She grabbed two glasses and poured the little girls both a drink.  She motioned for Laura to sit across from them and then followed suit.

Buffy waited for the little girls to take a drink. "How old are you?" She asked them.

"Five," Rachel answered through a mouthful of cookie.

Buffy looked at Tara.  "You too?'

Tara nodded.  "We have the same birthday."

Okay, Laura thought.  Maybe they're not... "Are you twins?" She asked.  It was the first thing she'd said to either one of them.

The little girls started giggling.  "Nope.  We were just borned on the same day." Tara said.

Rachel nodded. "I'm her aunt," she giggled again.  "I can tell her what to do."

Tara frowned. "Can not."

"Can to."

Laura's stomach bottomed out as she glanced at Buffy.  They held each other's gaze for a few moments. Laura knew the woman wanted to ask more.  Laura nodded back to her.  Obviously they needed to know everything they could.  

Buffy smiled at both girls. "Do you know who we are?" 

The little girls looked at each, before shaking their heads.

This startled both the women.  Maybe they were wrong.  Maybe it was a shared delusion?  

"Where're your parents?" Laura asked. "Do you live here with them?"

Rachel shook her head.  "We live in a big house.  This isn't our house.  We just woke up here," she frowned. "I miss my mommy."

Tara frowned as well.  "Me too."

"Is your mommy's name Faith, Tara?" Buffy asked quietly.

The little girl nodded.  "Yes.  Do you know her?"

Buffy bit her lip.  "I used to," she said.  She looked at Laura.

"What's your mom's name?" Laura asked the other little girl.

"Carmilla," she said. "She's Faith's momma too.  And she's Tara's grandmama."

Tara giggled. "But she won't let me call her that.  I have to call her Auntie Carm.  But she's not my aunt."

Rachel smiled.  "Sometimes she calls her Oma, but then mommy tickles her until she stops. And I call Faith Auntie Faith cause it's not fair if Tara can call mommy Auntie Carm."

Tara shrugged.

Laura hoped like hell you couldn't vomit in a dream.  She chanced a glance at Buffy's face and realized it was probably a futile wish since you couldn't definitely cry in one. 

"Who else lives there with you?" Buffy asked.  "In the big house?"

"Aunt Dawn and Uncle Xander," Rachel said.

"And Auntie Wills.  And Poppa Giles.  And Laf and Lola."

"And Andy," the girls said at the same time before squealing "Jinx!' and bursting into another giggling fit.

"So you don't have any other mommies... or daddies?" Laura shuddered at the question.

The girls stopped giggling at that.  They both shook their heads slowly.  

"What about Kennedy?" Buffy asked.  "Does she live there?"

The girls looked at each other... a moment passing between them, before shaking their heads.

"One time, ..." Rachel started.

"Hush," Tara whispered back. "We're no 'posed to talk about that."

Laura glanced at Buffy from the corner of her eye. 

"We won't tell anyone," Laura tried.  

Buffy nodded her agreement.  "Promise."

"We had other mommies too," Rachel whispered.  

Tara bit her lip.  "We aren't 'posed to..." she wasn't really talking to anyone.

Before Laura could think better of it, she reached across the table and rubbed Rachel's hand.  "We promise we won't say anything.  It's okay to tell us."

Rachel watched her for a moment and Laura wondered what the little girl was studying.  Laura smiled softly at her, hoping it would work.  

Evidently it did.  "One night when we were asleep these ladies came to our room.  They said they knew us."

Tara slowly nodded agreement.  "We couldn't see them real good. But they said that they knew our other mommies.  We said we didn't have other mommies, but they said we did.  They said they'd been looking for us everywhere.  They said our mommies said they wanted us to come home."

"And they said that they were really sad that they couldn't see us.  They told us that our other mommies named us.  And that our other mommies were super sad cause momma and Auntie Faith took us away," Rachel added. "They told us they could take us to our other mommies."

Tara patted her hand. "We wanted to go. But then Oma and Momma came in the room.  And they were mad.  Really mad.  And then they started getting loud. And then they were screaming and they were yelling and they were fighting..."

Rachel shuddered.  "And it was really scary.  Mommy was so mad.  And then Auntie Willow came in and she said all these funny words and the ladies were gone."

"And you didn't see what they looked like?" Buffy asked.

Rachel shook her head.  "One had dark hair.  She and Auntie Faith were fighting."

Tara nodded.  "Momma called her Kennedy."

Laura frowned.  "What about the other lady?"

"She was really tall," Tara said. 

"With red hair," Rachel finished.

"What did your mommies say then?" Buffy managed to ask. 

They both shrugged. 

"Auntie Faith said they were bad guys." Rachel said.  "And that we didn't have other mommies."

Tara nodded.  "And Oma said girls and girls can't have babies."  She frowned at Buffy. "Whose house is this?"

Buffy sat back slowly.  "It's mine," she started.  "Well... it used to be mine."

"How did we get here?" Rachel asked Laura.

Laura sighed.  "I don't know.  We don't know how we got here either.  We were just asleep."

"So were we," Tara told them.  She looked at Rachel, almost as if she were communicating silently with her before she turned back to the two women. "Are you the bad women they told us about?"

Buffy sighed.  "We aren't bad.  Your... mommies," she hesitated on the word, "...they haven't told you everything..."

The little girls both nodded.  They seemed older than five in that moment.  "I think this is a dream," Rachel said quietly.

"So do we," Buffy answered.  

Laura nodded beside her.

"They really did lie to us, didn't they?" Rachel asked Laura.

Laura nodded slowly.  "Yeah.  They did. I'm sorry."

Tara's eyes widened.  "Please don't tell them we came here.  'Kay?  Promise."

Buffy frowned even more.  "We won't, sweetheart."

The little girls shared another moment between them.  Both women realized there was more than meets the eye between the two girls.  

"We aren't alive in your world yet, are we?" Rachel asked.

"I don't think so," Laura answered.

Tara looked at Buffy. "We're in your tummies."

Buffy nodded.  "I think _you_ are anyway." She looked at Rachel.  "Rachel's in..."

Before she could finish, both girls jumped up and ran over, crawling in their laps. 

The women shared surprised expressions, even as the little girls wrapped their arms around their necks.

"Please don't forget." Rachel whispered to Laura.  "Don't forget us when you wake up."

Tara nodded against Buffy's neck.  "You have to 'member.  They make you go away.  You have to 'member that."

Laura rubbed the little's girl back.  "We won't forget," she answered.  She caught Buffy's eyes.

Buffy nodded.  "We promise," she sighed into her little girl's hair.

Laura couldn't help but to remember what Buffy had said earlier about the message, the big bad.  She wrapped her arms tightly around the little girl in her lap.  

"We have to wake up," Rachel said.

Tara nodded. "They're making us..."

* * *

 As Willow finished the ritual, the others watched her.  She sat back and sighed.  "This just got a lot more complicated."

"What did you find, Red?" Faith stopped pacing.

She shook her head.  She was trying to control her breathing. She just needed to process what she'd...

"No!" Buffy and Laura screamed.  Both jumped up.

Everyone in the room startled.  Faith and Carmilla ran over to their sides.

"Are you.."

"Laura, are you..."

Buffy grabbed Laura's hand.  She was panting heavily. She squeezed hard. She needed Laura to understand. "We're fine."

Laura nodded.  "Fine." She hadn't forgotten.  Don't tell them.  Remember.

Faith's stomach flipped.  She noticed the look on Buffy's face. She grabbed Carmilla's hand and pulled her back. No reason for anyone to feel cornered.  Faith could tell that Buffy was surveying the room.  She just wasn't sure why.

"B..."

Buffy shook her head quickly.  "Where's Kennedy?"

Faith raised an eyebrow at that. "Huh?" Why was she looking for Kennedy?

Carmilla tried to inch closer to Laura.  At this point the younger girl had placed herself completely behind the blonde slayer.  Almost as if she were... scared?  "Laura, sweetheart..."

Laura shook her head swiftly. She still held Buffy's hand.  The slayer squeezed it again. "I'm fine."

Buffy turned to Willow. She swallowed the immense anger she was feeling and tried to control her breathing. "Where's Kennedy?" 

Giles cleared his throat.  "Perhaps we should all sit down and..."

"What's going on?" Faith interrupted him. "Why are you asking about Ken?"  She knew something wasn't right.  She was afraid, terrified about how this was going to play out. 

"Nothing's going on," Buffy answered.  She was hyper-aware.  "What are you talking about?" 

Carmilla noticed Laura looking around the room as well.  Almost like she was counting.  It dawned on her suddenly she was looking for someone too. Her stomach dropped when she figured out whom that was.  She crossed her arms.  It was almost a challenge.

Laura noticed it.  

"They both left," Carmilla finally offered.  "To train, the slayer said."

Don't do what I think you're going to do, Carmilla thought. 

It was subtle, but Laura sighed.  It was a relieved sigh.  She was looking for the redhead.  And the slayer was looking for the witch's smartass partner.

The magnitude of that weighed heavily on Carmilla and Faith.  They shared a look.  Something had happened.  They had to play the next few moments carefully.  Both Buffy and Laura were freaked.  Even if they were trying to hide it.

What was bothering them both was why their partners were looking for Kennedy and Danny. Before they could process what that even meant, both women walked in, blocking the door Buffy and Laura were backing out of.  

"Hey," Kennedy started.  "What's up?" 

Buffy turned around and made eye contact with the slayer.  Kennedy raised her eyebrow. No words were exchanged but she studied Buffy's face a few seconds. Then there was a small shift in her stance, and she moved in between Buffy and Laura.  

As soon as Kennedy put herself between Laura and the rest of the room, Carmilla watched Laura turn to Danny.  She didn't hear Laura say anything, but she did see Danny move closer to the smaller girl.  The entire exchange between the four was subtle.  

Buffy dropped Laura's hand behind her back, and took Kennedy's.  Again, it was subtle.

But absolutely everyone noticed.

No one said anything.  Everything in the room shifted. 

"Do you trust me?" Buffy finally whispered.  For a moment no one even knew who she was speaking to, until Kennedy slowly nodded.  "We aren't safe here.  And we can't trust anyone in this room but the two of you."

"What the fuck, B?" Faith growled.

"Laura," Carmilla said.  She moved closer to the door.  "I don't know what you saw, but you have to believe that..."

Laura shook her head back and forth.  "Please don't let her," she whispered.

For a brief moment Carmilla thought Laura was talking to her.  Then as Carmilla watched her take Danny's hand, and she realized she was talking _about_ her.

Danny nodded, and pulled Laura behind her. 

"Kennedy," Willow started.  "What...what are you doing?"

Buffy shook her head at Kennedy. "Please trust me. Please."

Kennedy nodded and ignored her girlfriend.

"Laura stop..." Carmilla reached out her hand, trying to grab her.

"B..." Faith moved to do the same.

Most of the occupants of the library took a collective breath.

"We've got to go," Buffy rushed out.

"How?" Danny asked.

* * *

 No one answered her.  No one had to.  As soon as the word's left her mouth, they'd disappeared.  All four of them.

The sight of seeing someone you care about vanish was overwhelming.  The entire library sat stunned.

"Whoa," Lafayette finally broke the silence.  "Uh, show of hands who saw that coming?" They asked the room.

No one answered them.

Giles was blinking at the empty space.

Perry, Dawn, and Andrew hadn't moved.  All three of them were opening and closing their mouths.

Willow backed up until she fell into a chair.  

Carmilla was frozen in place, the hand she'd tried to grab her girlfriend with now over her mouth. She might have been crying, but she literally could not move.  She knew if she did everything that happened would be real.  

Faith shifted beside her, moved to run out of the library, and then fell to her knees, sobbing.

Xander walked into the library.  "Hey what's going..." he didn't finish.  He didn't have to.  He bent down and put his arms around Faith, who was the only one in the room making any sound.  He shook his head. "I told you so," he sighed.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said, don't be mad. Or at least too mad. I'm not completely evil or anything.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Italics indicate flashbacks.
> 
> Takes place about a year later. Babies are around four months old.

 One Year Later

Laura woke and jumped from the chair where she'd fallen.  She was rocking the baby, she remembered, and had just closed her eyes for a minute. She looked down, and… now she wasn’t holding the baby.  Oh god, she thought.  She was about to scream for someone when Kennedy walked in the room.

“It’s cool,” she smiled.  “We wanted to let you sleep.  She’s in the other room with Buff and Danny.”

Laura nodded at her, swallowing down the fear she felt. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep, I’m just…”

“Exhausted?” Kennedy asked.  “Who wouldn’t be?”  She smiled at her and sat down on the bed across from her.  “Buffy thinks we need to leave soon.”

Laura nodded.  She had figured as much.  They’d only been here a day.  But she knew that it was better safe than sorry.  They’d only stayed in one place for a week.  And at the time they’d actually had to stay put. Giving birth put them both out of commission for a few days (well it did Laura anyway). But even still, it was too close of a call to ever let it happen again.

* * *

_“I’m telling you,” Kennedy started.  “These things are much safer for everyone involved.  It’s a wrap.  It keeps the babies safe. Keeps your arms free. Or our arms free. Whoever’s wearing it. I’m just saying that it’s a lot smarter than a stroller or whatever.  And a helluva lot easier to pack up at a moment’s notice.”_

_“I get that, Ken.” Buffy sighed.  “It also takes a degree in some sort of rocket science to tie it.  All I’ve managed to do is almost hang myself,” she groaned, unwrapping it from around her neck and throwing the offending object on the bed._

_Danny and Laura were sitting on the other hotel bed, watching them.  Danny was holding Rachel and Laura had taken Tara from Buffy. She could tell the tiny slayer was one step from losing her cool._

_Kennedy nodded. Equally aware. “I know.  And I know you’re stressed.” She picked up the patterned wrap and wove it around Buffy’s shoulders.  “It goes like this,” she smiled._

_Buffy watched her, flabbergasted.  “How do you know how to do that?”_

_Kennedy shrugged and looked at Laura.   “I read the instructions.”_

_Laura placed Tara inside the papoose, before turning to let Kennedy help her as well._

_It had been one week since the babies were born. And that meant that they hadn’t moved in one week.  It was the most time they’d spent anywhere since leaving Scotland.  Everyone was nervous.  If it hadn’t been for Buffy’s old boyfriend, Angel, and his really creepy company, they would never have made it this far._

* * *

_The first time they'd met him, Laura and Danny had both been terrified the night they’d poofed out of that castle in Scotland and landed in a law firm in Los Angeles.  Even more terrified when they noticed that half of said lawyers were distinctly not human.  But Angel’s firm had been what saved them._

_Apparently, Angel was always keeping tabs on Buffy.  And creep-factor aside, it came in handy when he got wind of what was about to go down in Scotland.  His shamans were able to transport the four of them out at the exact right moment, according to Buffy.  He told them he believed that someone had cast a spell on their friends.  On Faith and Carmilla.  Based on the research he'd gathered,  he believed that Carmilla’s mother was a lot more powerful than even Carm knew. And according to Angel’s shamans, her mother would need the babies one day.  To fulfill some sort of ritual with the First.  When Laura told him Carmilla’s mother was dead, he’d laughed. Apparently nothing is ever dead the first time you kill it anymore.  Besides, according to their research, Carmilla’s mother couldn’t die. Not without completing some mission she’d been tasked with completing eons ago. Based on what his seers could gather, she or someone with whom she worked, had infiltrated the castle around the moment they put Laura and Buffy to sleep. Had somehow managed to infect everyone present.  He wasn’t sure of the specifics, but he believed it completely. He said he had no doubt that Faith and Carmilla, and the rest of them, would hand deliver the girls to the Dean when the moment came._

_"Do you think they know?" Ken had asked.  "That they've infected by some sort of spell or whatever."_

_He shook his head.  "Not that I can tell.  I think they believe the opposite in fact.  That you were the ones that have been brainwashed."_

_Danny cleared her throat.  "How would we know we weren't?"_

_They_ _looked to him for clarification.  "You don't.  But The dream, vision, whatever, told Buffy and Laura what they needed to do.  And well, Willow wasn't expecting that.  Deep down though, it feels right.  Right?"_

_They all nodded._

_"Exactly.  I bet if you asked any one of them, they wouldn't be able to say the same."   He wrapped his arm around Buffy.  "And I know Buffy.  She wouldn't leave them if she didn't think she had to."_

_Buffy frowned and nodded.  "We don't have a choice.  They took that away from us when they invited whatever it was they invited into the castle."_

_Case closed as far as the rest of the group was concerned._

_Laura couldn’t help but like Angel.  Maybe because he was a vampire with a soul and he was good.  He really believed in redemption.  Something Carmilla sometimes didn’t see the point in.  And he loved Buffy.  That was also painfully obvious. She trusted him easily, and so did Kennedy and Danny, if nothing more than because Buffy trusted him._

_Since they’d first contacted him, he’d also had several meetings with the others. He’d been pretending for months that he was looking for Buffy and the rest. And he’d been sending them on wild goose chases when he could.  Kennedy had suggested he just give up the jig and tell those in Scotland that he was protecting Buffy and the others.  He mentioned that he’d thought about it, but wasn’t sure that Willow and whatever was controlling her, wasn’t strong enough to break in and just take them. He didn’t trust that he could keep them safe if the guys in Scotland were aware he was hiding them. So he helped.  And he lied._

_Laura didn’t understand why Danny and Ken weren’t affected.  Neither had Buffy actually and she’d asked him._

_“To be honest,” he told them, “at first I wasn’t sure.  But when I talked to Willow and Giles they mentioned that neither of you were in the room when Laura and Buffy were put under.  I think that’s when the real spell was cast.”_

_Buffy shook her head, “Xander wasn’t in the room either though.  And he didn’t leave with us.”_

_Angel had frowned at that.  “That may be a good thing. Let’s just file it away for the time being.”_

* * *

_As for coming back to L.A. eight months later, well...  Buffy thought it would be the safest place to give birth.  And no one else could really argue.  The girls had grown to like Angel.  Kennedy, of course, knew him but had never really dealt with him.  He helped her train and got Danny some lessons in weapons, and a few other dark arts sorts of things that Laura didn’t want to know about._

_Truth was if it were up to any of them, they would just stay in L.A.  Unfortunately, it wasn’t safe for the gang in Scotland to know about Angel’s involvement. And so for their safety, and his, they had to keep moving._

_Danny was just packing the last bag when Angel came rushing into the room. They were staying in an old hotel. One he used to own apparently. His shamans had cast a spell making them invisible and off the radar.  But as the others kept reminding Laura, Willow was powerful._

_“Just got a call from the firm.  Big magic is in town. Along with a strong slayer and an even stronger vampire.”  He frowned. “We’re going to transport you straight from here.  There’s a safe house, outside of Tibet.  You can lay low there for a few days.  The shamans there will be able to help with a masking spell.  So you don’t have to move so much.”_

_Danny frowned. “We’re going to have to do this until the girls are what?  Five years old? Keep moving?” She noticed Laura’s frown. “Oh, it’s not that. I’d do it forever if that what it took. It just seems like there has to be an easier way.”_

_Angel frowned. “We have to disrupt the timeline. What you saw, before the girls were born… we know that when they are five something happens.  That they need you.  So we can’t let them get them.”_

_Danny shrugged. “Tibet it is.  I wish I could take a passport so I could prove we’ve been to all these places one day.”_

_Laura pulled Rachel closer to her.  Carmilla was in the city.  Carm was in the city. It made her stomach ache. She wanted more than anything to just see her one more time so she could run up to her, have her hold her, tell her it was all a dream, a lie._

_Deep down she knew that couldn’t happen.  Wouldn’t happen.  Carmilla wanted her child. She wanted to do something to her. And whatever that was, Laura couldn’t let it happen._

_Angel nodded at them, warning of the upcoming transport.  All four women smiled at each other.  It was a ragtag traveling group to say the least.  Each one of them forced into a situation they’d rather not be in. Laura kissed the top of Rachel’s head, before closing her eyes.  They were protecting something though. And it was bigger than the four women in that room. It was bigger than the vampire helping them.  Bigger than the ones looking for them.  The babies, these beautiful girls, would change the world.  And it was up to the four of them to make sure that they changed it for the better, and not for the worst._

* * *

That day, one week after the girls had been born, was the closest the Scotland Gang had gotten to finding them. Angel relayed what happened a few weeks later, when he was able to rendezvous with them in Sweden.

_Angel met them in the lobby, and after the inordinate amount of hugging took place, he pulled away from Faith to stare at Carmilla.  “Mircalla Karnstein.”_

_“Angelus,” she answered. "Your reputation proceeds you."_

_He nodded at that.  "As does yours."_

__“Best we just forgot those stories.  Seeing as we are obviously not the same people we once were.”_ Carmilla nodded back.  She turned to Faith, “Angelus has done well for himself,” she quietly observed to her daughter._

_Faith nodded her head. “He’s using it to right wrongs, or whatever,” Faith answered. “He’s done a pretty good job.”_

_Carmilla nodded again_. _She guessed he had.  She remembered hearing about him when she was younger.  He cut a deep and painful path through Europe with his traveling companions, most of whom were now dead.  His soul was taken from him, she remembered when he was turned.  And then thrust back into him from some gypsy spell. She was quite thankful she was able to keep her soul intact. She chose not to dwell on what having a soul all along really meant considering her past indiscretions._

_But she could read body language, even an immortal do-gooder like Angel.  And she didn’t trust him.  He was lying about something. Unfortunately, she had no way of proving that._

_There was a tense moment that did not go unnoticed by the others.  But Faith cleared her throat, and drew the attention back to her. “Any word?  Sign?  We got Intel that they were in the city.  I couldn’t think of another place B would go besides here.”_

_Angel frowned. “Me either, honestly. I don’t know what would make them risk getting caught here.”_

_“So you haven’t seen them?” Carmilla asked._

_He shook his head.  “No.”_

_“And you’re not lying?” She asked._

_He studied her for a moment.  “I want to find them as much as you.  If Buffy needs help or if something is wrong, I want to make sure they’re safe.  But I can’t because I have no idea where they are. L.A. is a big city. I suggest we start looking.”_

_Faith waved her arm around the lobby.  “You got seers or whatever.  If they’re this close, maybe they can help us.”_

_He nodded, distracted.  “Yes, of course. Let me see what they can do.” He turned to wait for them. “I’ll just show you to my office.”_

_“How’d you even find them?” He asked._

_“The Academy here.” Willow answered.  “Someone spotted Kennedy and Danny leaving a baby store.  It was a coincidence but we are pretty certain it was them. They said they resembled the photographs.”_

_Angel shrugged. “Maybe it was.”_

_Carmilla paced herself while she was following them.  She didn’t trust this Angelus.  Reformed or not.  He wasn’t telling them everything._

_Right before she turned to follow the others into Angel’s office, she got a glimpse of someone.  A vampire. A vampire she used to know. The woman was dressed in the usual business attire of a law firm, but it was definitely her. She felt her heart skip a beat, wondering if she could have gotten so lucky.  Carmilla quickly grabbed a piece of paper and a pen from a nearby desk and scribbled something on it.  She made sure to hold the vampire’s eyes, as she dropped it into the wastebasket in front of her. She didn’t turn around to see if the woman picked it up or not._

* * *

 So Buffy and the others had no choice but to stay on the move.  One close call was one too many. Now they were always moving. Always hiding. Always carrying four backpacks and two babies in tightly wrapped papooses. Most places, they blended in. For whatever it was worth, apparently Kennedy was a genius when it came to different cultures. So even if they stood out physically, Kennedy had a way of blending them in with the crowd.  Sometimes people noticed them (how could they not,) but they were better at reading people’s faces now.  They knew when to leave.  And knew how to leave.

Angel’s shamans in Tibet had taught them quite a lot about blending in and moving on.  So much so, that at times, if they felt it necessary they could even use a spell that masked their true appearance.  To anyone who wasn’t aware, they just looked like four locals of whatever country, town, province, they were in.  That often came in handy until they had to speak.  If one of them didn’t know the language, they were screwed.

They’d been in Sydney for only a day, but Laura knew that if Buffy thought it was time to go, it was time to go. She smiled at Kennedy and started putting away her things.  Throwing out what she wouldn’t need, and packing what she would. 

“Guess I won’t have time for a shower, huh?” She asked Kennedy.

The other woman was about to reply, when they heard both Buffy and Danny in the other room.

“Who are you? What are you doing?!?” Danny screamed.

“Get away from them!” Buffy yelled.

Laura and Kennedy both jumped up, intent on running to the other room.  But then everything faded to black…

* * *

Faith seemed to have lost, well… faith after the one year mark.  By everyone’s estimation, the babies would be around four months old.  Provided they were born.  Provided Buffy and Laura were even still alive.  Even though they’d searched everywhere, a word she honestly meant literally, not only had they not found them, they hadn’t found a trace of them.  The slayer connection was gone. Willow couldn’t find them. None of their contacts, none of Carmilla’s, none of Angel’s, no one could trace them. 

And she’d never given a lot of credence to psychology. She always thought that most shrinks were nuts and the standards and rules they created to explain human behavior was at best a guess.  And she’d suffered through enough shitty human behavior to support her hypothesis. But that was before. Before her world had literally disappeared before her eyes. 

The word grief used to be abstract to Faith. She understood that people mourned. She’d mourned her watcher. Mourned the loss of her mother when she was called.  But life got in the way of mourning, especially when you’re running for your life. This time though, she wasn’t the one running.  And standing still made everything worse. 

So she, and everyone else in the castle had worked their way through the stages of grief and loss.  Shock had quickly turned to pain, which had quickly turned to anger. And though the anger had never really subsided, each day brought her closer to the inevitable realization that Buffy was gone.  And each morning she woke a bit more aware that she wasn’t going to find her.

When Buffy and Laura had waked in the library that day, Faith felt the world shift.  She didn’t know, at the time, what Red saw that had her so freaked out. What Buffy could’ve possibly seen to cause her to leave her home and everyone that loved her. The absolute shock they’d experienced at watching the four women disappear into thin air left them either speechless or broken.  They’d searched everywhere. Called everyone. It took a few hours for them to realize they were really gone.  And for Willow to tell them what she saw. 

* * *

_They’d gathered back in the library.  Tired. Shaken.  Willow waited until everyone sat down._

_“Something’s infected them,” she started.  She put her fingers against her temple and rubbed.  “I don’t know what.  Who. But something has.  It's the only explanation that's plausible.  Buffy would never leave willingly.”_

_Carmilla was angrily pacing back and forth.  Near the brink of rage, consumed with anger she couldn’t even direct at anyone. “And there’s nothing in any of these books?” She waved her arms around the room.  “Absolutely nothing that can tell you anything? We just have to sit here and what?  Wait for them to come back?” She scoffed._

_Willow shook her head at the vampire.  “You don’t understand.  They aren’t coming back.  They think we want the babies.  That we want to take them away.”_

_“How do you know that?” Dawn asked._

_Willow sighed. “When they were…uh, under or whatever… they went to Sunnydale.  To your old house.”_

_Faith rolled her eyes.  “Wow, really? The house that’s fucking gone, Red? That house?”  She was wringing her hands together.  Itching to fight someone._

_“Actually yes, Faith.  That house. It was a vision. Or a dream.  I’m not really sure,” she stuttered out.  “It doesn’t matter.  They saw the girls.  The babies. But they weren’t babies. They were children. Little girls.  They were named after…” She faltered here._

_“Named after?” Xander asked._

_“After Tara,” she whispered.  She looked at Carmilla then.  “And Laura’s mother. Rachel.”_

_Carmilla swallowed and looked away.  She hadn’t known Laura’s mother’s name.  She’d never asked._

_“What else?” Laf asked.  “What made them think that had to leave?  How did they leave? Why take Danny and your girlfriend?”_

_Faith looked up at the question.  She was wondering the same thing.  They all were._

_Willow shrugged. “Because the girls, in the dream, the girls told them that you two,” she motioned to Carmilla and Faith, “and the rest of us,” she said looking around the room, “lived with them. They told them that one night, when they were sleeping two women came into the room and tried to take them. One was named Kennedy and the other was tall and had red hair.”  Her lip was quivering._

_Carmilla wanted more than anything to strangle the rest out of her.  She sat down only when she felt Faith’s hand on her arm._

_“And?” Giles prompted._

_“And that we’d told them they didn’t have other mommies.  But the women said they did.  That their other mommies missed them.  That they’d come to get them.  And then you two,” she nodded to Faith and Carmilla, “stopped them.  And I apparently cast a spell and sent them away. We, the girls said, told them they were bad women.  And that they didn’t have other mommies.  One of them said that Carmilla told them that girls and girls couldn’t have babies.”_

_Carmilla sighed. She wondered what would cause her to lie to the little girl.  Her little girl? She wasn’t sure still believe the witch. Hell, she wasn’t sure she believed any of it honestly._

_“So what?” Dawn asked. “We’re supposed to keep them from Buffy and Laura?  After they’re born?”_

_Willow shrugged again.  “I don’t know. The girls told them not to forget. Not to forget what they said when they woke.” She closed her eyes.  “I guess they didn’t.”_

_Carmilla bit back a growl.  “So you’re telling me that these children, from the future, met them in a house that doesn’t exist, in a dream, by they way, and told them that we keep them away from their mothers. And they just automatically assume that this hallucination, or whatever it was that you gave them to make them go to sleep, was absolutely true.  Are you serious?”_

_The rest of the room awaited Willow’s reply.  She sighed again.  Faith could tell she was hedging. She knew Willow’s face. This was the ‘we may have really fucked up’ face._

_“What is it, Red?”_

_“I saw the same thing.  They didn’t know I was there.  But I saw all of it. I wanted to get a read and I did.”_

_Giles cleared his throat.  “Okay. So let’s think for a moment. What do we know?”_

_Faith rolled her eyes.  “How about they just fucking vanished?  Good place to start?” She growled._

_Willow shook her head.  “No. I know what I saw. I know that whatever it was, it was supposed to happen.  Will happen. I don’t know why the girls wanted them to remember?  I guess meeting your other mothers is… I don’t know. But… Look, I know that we can’t trust any of them.  Not anymore. I know that something… something happened that night they conceived, something infected them. It chose them. Buffy and Laura. And maybe Kennedy and Danny. But most importantly, at this point, I also know the babies are yours.  And you need to get them back.  As soon as possible.  I don’t know what will happen if you don’t, but it won’t be good.”_

_The words she spoke hung in the air for a few minutes._

_Surprisingly, Perry was the first one to speak.  “And Laura?  Buffy? Kennedy and Danny? We get them back too?”_

_They all turned to Willow._

_She shuddered, shook her head softly, and looked down.  “No.  Not right now. I don’t know why or even how I know, but no… we can’t trust them.”_

_Everyone let her words sink in._

_Faith shook her head.  “I don’t believe you.”_

_Willow looked up, catching her eye.  “Yes you do,” she frowned._

_Faith growled. She grabbed the book sitting in front of her and threw it across the room.  She wanted to scream, but instead just shook her head and stormed out._

_Red was right. She did believe her. She knew that whatever she and Buffy had, whatever they’d felt – it had changed.  She couldn’t trust her._

_It didn’t stop her from loving her._  

* * *

“Hey,” Carmilla said, opening the door to Faith’s bedroom.  She had two mugs in her hand.  She handed one to Faith. “Be careful.  It’s still really hot.”

Faith rolled her eyes.  “I’m not a child.” She took a drink of coffee and almost spit it back out.  “Fuck,” she muttered.

Carmilla shook her head and sat down in one of the chairs against the wall.  “I told you it was hot.  Why do you never listen to me?”

Faith shrugged and blew across the top of the mug, trying to cool the liquid. 

“Dawn and Xander just got in,” Carmilla started, taking another drink. 

They’d spent every week since the disappearance searching.  Willow sent them all over the world.  Any word of anyone that looked like one of the four was enough.  Most of the time it was a false lead.  A few times, they thought they were maybe close.  They were never sure though. And one time they almost found them.  Around the time they were to give birth.  They'd gotten word that someone spotted Danny and Kennedy and had transported immediately.  There first stop - Angel. But he hadn't seen them either.  Faith wanted to think that if B were in trouble, Angel would be one of the first persons she'd ask for help.  It didn't matter really, they'd scoured L.A. and there was no sign of them.  The rest of the times, all they had to go on were just vague descriptions that they weren’t even sure were real.  Dawn and Xander had gone to Argentina.  They’d received a tip from the academy there.  Two women with a baby. One of whom was redheaded and tall.

Faith didn’t have to ask anymore. “False lead.”

Carmilla nodded.  “Dawn said there was a tall redheaded woman. And a short blonde. And they had a baby with them. But she said they were definitely not Danny and Laura.  Or Buffy. Just a normal couple or whatever, visiting some friends in South America.” She rolled her eyes.

Faith nodded and took a drink of her coffee. She was pretty sure that Buffy and Kennedy weren’t a ‘couple’ anyway.  She knew her mother had doubts about Laura and Danny though.  Apparently there was a different history there. If she could be honest with herself though, how did she know B and Ken didn’t have a history? Hell, at this point, maybe they fucking did.  She wished she didn’t fucking care. 

Before she could voice those concerns however, Laf barreled into the room. 

“Do you ever knock?” Carmilla growled. “Oh wait, who am I kidding? Of course you don’t.”

Lafayette ignored her question. “Uh you guys need to get downstairs like right now,” they said, completely out of breath. 

Faith jumped up. “What is it?”

Laf shook their head, like they couldn’t believe what they were about to say.  “There was a loud knocking.  On the front the door. Then the buzzer started ringing. Perry and Andrew were in the hallway and… whoever it was, they just kept beating on the door. It made them nervous so they grabbed Will and…”

“Well, what?” Carmilla said, pushing passed her out the door. 

“They didn’t see anything.  Not at first.  But then they looked down…”  They shook their head.  “You guys really need to come downstairs.”

Faith caught Carmilla’s eyes, a look of complete disbelief.  “How?”

Laf shrugged, running after them. “I don’t know. But they’re both there. In the library.” 

* * *

When they got to the door, both women stopped, not sure what they were seeing.  Dawn and Perry were standing in the room, the rest of the gang standing around them. Both were holding babies. Neither woman moved to walk inside. Laf studied them, as they walked around them and back into the library.

Willow noticed their hesitation. “They were just lying there. In bassinets.  Like something out of a movie.  There was a note.  But all it said was the one in blue is Rachel and the one in green is Tara. Take care of them and protect them. - Love Sis."  I don't know who Sis could be.  Sister maybe?  Someone's sister?"  

The entire room shook their heads.  

Willow moved over to the women. “They’re yours. I can feel it. I don’t know how they got here or… but they’re here. This is what you wanted.”

Faith nodded solemnly at her. She was staring at the baby Dawn was holding.  She didn’t say what she was thinking.  This wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted Buffy back. She wanted that dream to be a lie.

She took a few steps towards them before stopping. She’d noticed Carmilla hadn’t moved from the doorway.

“I…” Carmilla started.  “I can’t…”  She turned to go, but Faith stopped her.

“Hey,” she squeezed her hand. “I know it’s not the way we wanted it, but… at least we have them.  Don’t you want to…” She motioned with her head towards the babies.  She turned to Willow.  "You sure these are the right ones, Red?  Like someone isn't trying to pull a fast one on us or something?"

Willow nodded.  "They're yours.  I can tell."

Dawn walked over to Faith.  “Here,” she said softly.  “Look at those little dimples,” she whispered.  She handed the baby over carefully. 

Faith had never held a baby before. She felt her head swim a bit, but shook herself out of it before taking the baby.  Dawn led her to a chair, whispering something to her.

Carmilla wasn’t sure what she said. She’d noticed Perry walking towards her.

“Do you want to hold her?” She asked.

Carmilla stared dumbly at her. “I don’t know what to do,” she whispered.

“Just support her head,” Perry smiled at her.

That wasn’t what she’d meant, but Carmilla nodded and took the baby anyway.  She’d held a lot of different lives in her hands over the years.  But never one so small.  So warm. She pulled her closer. She bent down, burying her nose against the sleeping baby’s neck.  She smelled so much like Laura; Carmilla felt like sobbing. 

The baby stirred, before she settled and nestled against her chest.  Carmilla sighed. Was this the way it was supposed to be, she wondered?  How could something feel so right and so wrong at the same time?

She moved to sit next to Faith. “This doesn’t feel real,” she told her.

Faith nodded back, lost in her own thoughts. “This is my baby,” she said quietly. She turned and looked at her mother. “My baby.  Mine… and B’s.” She swallowed, and blinked away a tear. 

Carmilla tried smiling at her. She didn’t want the woman to break. Couldn’t watch that. She looked at Tara instead. “You’re going to be an amazing mother.”

Faith bent over and kissed the top of Rachel's head, before kissing Tara's as well. “You kind of already are one,” Faith answered. “You’re a lucky girl,” she whispered to Rachel.

Carmilla shifted Rachel in her arms, and ran her fingertips softly over Tara's face.  “She looks just like I imagined you did as an infant.  Beautiful.” She sat back rocking the baby, before leaning back up suddenly.  “Oh my god,” she uttered.

“What is it?” Giles asked. “Something wrong ?!?”

Carmilla shook her head violently, before realizing she was moving the baby, and then abruptly stopped.  There was a sheer look of horror on her face.

“Carm?” Willow asked.  “You okay?”

“Oh my god,” she muttered again.

“You’re freaking us out,” Dawn said.

“I’m a…” she closed her eyes and tried to calm herself. “I’m a... Oh god..." she muttered.

"You're a what?" Faith asked.

"I"m a grandmother,” she moaned.

It took a moment for the room to react. Xander and Laf started giggling first. The rest of them joined in quickly after. 

Giles was laughing so hard, he had to take off his glasses and rub his eyes.  Carmilla eyed him specifically.  “Laugh away.” She gestured towards Tara, “because she sort of makes you a grandfather.”

He stopped mid-laugh.  “Bloody hell,” he said, putting his glasses back on.

Faith smiled at him, and elbowed her mother. “This could be okay,” she smiled slightly.  “We can do this.” She frowned suddenly though.  ‘Without them,’ she didn’t add.

Carmilla knew what she meant though. “We can, Knallkörper.”

As the rest of the room surrounded them and the obligatory cooing commenced, Faith saw Xander pull Laf over to the side. “Someone took those babies. I know Buff, and no way she’d let…” he was whispering, and with all the oohing and ahhing going on around them, she couldn’t make out everything he was saying. 

Laf was nodding.  “Laura either.”

“Is this a good thing?” He whispered. “Who brought them here? I know Buffy left but… the babies are still theirs.  They’ve got to be…”

“Got to be what?” Carmilla asked. She was listening as well. “Freaked out.  Upset.  Like someone took something they loved.”  She eyed the two of them.  “Basically they're feeling exactly what we’ve felt for the last year.  Right?”

They both nodded contritely.  “Right,” they added.

Willow noticed the tension.  “We’ll figure the rest out.  Now that we have the babies.  Something will change.  It has to. We’ll figure out who brought them here. And why.  And we’ll find them.  I promise.  But first,” she scooted closer. “I get to hold one.  I don’t care which but one of you are giving one up.”

Andrew scooted in.  “Me too.  I love babies.”

“I want to hold Rachel,” Dawn whined. “I’ve already held Tara.”

“Get in line,” Andrew said, shoving her.

Giles sighed, sitting down next to Carmilla as she held the baby over to Dawn.  Faith did the same to Willow.  “Well,” he started. “At least they’ll be in good company in a castle full of children.”

Carmilla nodded.  He was right about that.

 


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

 

The baby monitor woke Carmilla from a dreamless sleep.  It was loud.  Sobbing, heart-wrenching loud.  It hurt her to hear because she knew what would come next.  She threw her legs out of bed and pulled on a pair of pants.  The last time she'd meandered across the hallway, she'd been in panties and a tank top.  Unfortunately, half the castle came running as well.  A little more dressed than she was.  A lesson she wasn't willing to revisit.

She'd never really thought about it, but crying was the basic human response to an emotional state.  In all her years, in all the things she’d seen, she’d never noticed the nuances to crying.  Granted, most of the sobs she’d heard had been in sheer terror, but she was kicking herself for not picking up on it earlier.  She’d read voraciously for decades, but surprisingly (or actually not admittedly), Dr. Spock was out of her realm of interest.

 Before she could get across the hallway and keep the baby from waking Faith, said girl wandered into her room, half-asleep, rubbing her eyes.  “Jesus. Which one is it?” She muttered. “I just can’t… like, I just…”

Carmilla smiled sadly  “It’s yours,” she sighed.  “Or mine.  One in the same, firecracker." And she meant that. "But it’s okay.  Vampire constitution. Let me go.”  She led her over to the bed.  "Lay back down.  I'll get her right back to sleep and you can dream away." She kissed her forehead.  "Promise."

Faith was set to argue, but couldn’t find it in herself.  She was exhausted. She fell face first onto Carmilla’s bed.

Carm rubbed her head softly. She knew she risked someone else waking, but she couldn't leave her.  It took seconds for her to fall asleep though.   

* * *

She shuffled into the next room. Rachel was sleeping. Tara wasn’t.  For whatever reason, they weren’t even close to being on the same schedule.  Every other hour it was a cry.  Of pain. Hunger.  Anger.  Boredom. Sheer fucking torture. She didn’t even know anymore.  Rachel's disposition, if asked, was sunny.  She rarely cried.  Even awake.  Tara's wasn't.  

But she was the sweet one.  Rachel loved everyone.  Literally.  Anyone with a smile and she bounced right to them, not a care in the world.  Carmilla brooded over the fact that her child was the sociable one. She was a polar opposite to her.  She was... Jesus, she was Laura. But Tara didn't trust anyone.  Well, almost anyone.  It tugged at the heart Carmilla wasn't even sure she still had.

“Hush, Mein Schatz,” she whispered, picking the baby up.  “It’s time for sleep. And dreams.” 

Tara stopped crying and focused on Carmilla’s face. It fascinated her that in the four short weeks they’d been there, how much they’d changed. They focused more on sounds. Sights.  They were easily distracted.  And they could discern voices.  Faces.  The little girl in her arms recognized the one holding her immediately.  She snuggled against her neck.  Carmilla rubbed her back, peeked in on Rachel, and then settled the baby more fully against her chest.

They’d tried really hard to share in the child-rearing, as it were.  The old adage of “it takes a village” was an adage for a reason, the witch offered. And again, Rachel was more amenable to that arrangement. Content to lounge against Dawn’s chest. Happy for Perry, Andrew, hell the myriad of slayers running around, to cuddle her.  Tara required a basic lulling most of them lacked.  But Carmilla had a secret.  Hypnotic though it was.

She settled the baby's against her shoulder, and whispered softly. “When Oma was a little girl, she used to play in the flower fields behind her family’s home.  The colors were brilliant.  Bright red and yellow.  Purple and pink. When she dreamed of the heaven her mother told her was waiting, she dreamed of the field…” She moved to sit down in the rocking chair near the window.  “Of the flowers, at night, bright in the moonlight.  Calling to her.”

It didn’t really matter what she said. She could describe last night’s dinner or Hume’s _Human Nature_. Anything really. It was the stillness of her voice, the rhythmic calmness that did the trick.  Even if Tara didn’t sleep, she’d stop crying. She was mesmerized by her.  She felt the baby nuzzle against her.  She loved her daughter, sleeping in the crib beside her.  She'd questioned herself before they arrived, but quickly realized how much she resembled Laura.  The smile she had was a mirror image of her mother's.  She'd never felt that with anyone, that sheer basic love, but Faith.  

But the baby she was holding...  She inspired a different love.  Not more.  Not less.  Just different.  If Rachel was her daughter... Tara was... she couldn't explain it.  She needed her.  Faith loved them equally.  She took care of them.  Played with them.  Held them.  She kissed every tear her daughter had away.  And tickled Rachel until she squealed.  This feeling though...Carmilla couldn't find the words to do it justice really.  Couldn't put to words what holding this little girl meant to her.  When she rocked her late at night... when the rest of the castle slept the sleep of human ignorance, she whispered to her.  The little girl had a piece of her soul.  She didn't understand why.  It baffled her as much as anyone.  She tried not to think about the other slayer.  How she'd probably love to run a stake through her heart for comforting her daughter.  Or... maybe not.  Maybe she'd understand.  Be grateful.

Not likely, though. 

The baby watched her in the moonlight. She felt that flutter of understanding cross her little eyes.  It was equally hypnotic really. “If you sleep, I’ll take you there someday.  Just us. We’ll sneak away and play in the flowers,” she whispered, as the baby closed her eyes.  “Sleep,” she breathed out, placing her back in the crib.

She kissed her fingertips and placed it on the baby’s forehead.  She moved to Rachel’s crib and did the same.

* * *

Perry scurried up to her in the hallway. A few late night run-ins had taught her to announce herself early.  Neither the vampire or the slayer liked to be surprised. “I was coming. But then I heard you and I didn’t want to…” She frowned. 

Carmilla nodded.  “It’s fine.  I need less sleep.  Of course, I like sleep.  Ironic if you think about it, really."

Perry nodded.  “Sure.” She looked to Carmilla’s closed door. “Is Faith in there, perhaps? Her door was open and I looked inside, but she wasn’t in bed. I'm... well, we're all worried.  She’s utterly exhausted, poor thing.”

Carmilla frowned, but nodded again. As much as she felt completely alone without Laura, she’d learn to power through the hurt.  Pain was fleeting.  She knew this.  Several lifetimes had taught her that suffering was like breathing.  And she’d learned to compartmentalize it.  Tuck away in a recess hidden somewhere near a non-beating heart.  The children helped.  They didn't fill the hole, but they softened the edges.  It was a compromise she'd take if she had to.

Faith didn’t have the luxury of learning those lessons though. God, could any human learn that lesson in one lifetime?  Every single betrayal, every single loss left them bereft.  Swimming through a myriad of emotions that crossed both heart and face.  It was awful to watch.  As horrible as her own longing was, watching Faith was just as bad. Sometimes worse. It was the only thing she'd ever wanted to do where Faith was concerned.  Make the pain go away.  And she couldn't.  So she soothed her daughter's daughter's pain instead.  It wasn't much, but it was all she could do. 

“Go back to bed,” she finally told the redhead.

Perry nodded and turned to go.

Carmilla shook her ahead.  Momentarily ashamed of herself. “And thanks,” she whispered.  “For checking.”

“I’m happy to help,” Perry whispered back. “We all are.”

As Perry walked away, she held the doorknob to her own bedroom.  She almost didn’t want to go inside.  She wanted to let Faith sleep away her grief if for no other reason than it dulled the pain.  She'd stay awake for decades not to listen to the sound of Faith's heart breaking every day.  Sometimes she thought it was guilt.  And maybe it was.  But it was also love, she gathered.  

She turned and watched the redhead walk down the hallway; brooding over the situation they found themselves in now. Ask her a year ago, and she would never had predicted the alliances that were to form and break since then. She closed her eyes and sent up a prayer one more time, to something she hoped was listening, that Laura, hell even Buffy and the other ones find their way back to them.

Soon. 

* * *

They met Angel at a café outside of Paris.

It was always night.  Always clandestine.  Hidden. Laura was glad they were at least sitting inside.  She was sort of amazed at the amount of people that smoked in and around these places.  She always had it in her to scold them, like they were harming her daughter.  Their daughters.  And then she remembered they were gone.

Angel still was able to see them.  No invitations had been revoked.  Not as of yet, anyway.  But Carmilla suspected.  He wasn't sure why.  But he knew that she didn't trust them.  More baffling to him really was the air of respect they offered her.  He wasn't kidding when he said she was in charge.  Willow may have had the magical power.  But Carmilla had all the rest.  He'd watched the rest of them defer to her when necessary.  It made Willow wary.  Giles had questioned his whereabouts on more than one occasion. Even Dawn suspected he'd been in touch with Buffy.  Only Faith, who trusted him with her life, didn't question him.  But he knew it was only a matter of time.  She loved her mother.  And she trusted her as well. And truthfully, they were right. He’d had to take to lying, subverting, and sheer dark magic, to hide from her.

Buffy and Danny had described the woman who took the babies as black. Five six maybe.  Strong.  Buffy was certain she was a vampire. Danny said she had an accent she couldn't exactly place.  It didn't matter... she was in and out in a matter of moments.  The sheer audacity of the situation left them stunned.  But as far as descriptions go, it wasn’t really a lot to go on.

There was a fleeting moment of sheer terror.  They were worried this new person, whoever she was had taken the babies.  And no one would see them again.  It was admittedly an unfounded fear. She’d handed the babies to them.  Left them on the doorstep of the castle like packages from UPS. He said there was a note, but didn’t know what it said.  Laura didn't know how she felt about that.  Glad they were with them.  Terrified they were as well.

Angel had photographs on his phone. Faith sent them. Because again she'd never questioned his loyalty. It broke Buffy’s heart in a weird sort of way.  Win her over, and you had Faith for life.  Betray her and it broke her.  And she trusted Angel completely.   It divided Buffy's feelings and clouded her emotions but even after everything else, she couldn’t hate Faith.  Couldn’t find it in her to muster up more than a simmering, soft anger… but more at the situation than the people involved. How could she hate someone that she loved?  She dreamed about her.  Wondered if they were slayer dreams.  She often hoped not.  Faith wouldn't speak to her.  She looked through her.  Like she was invisible.

“I printed the photographs.  I can’t send them to you.  I think Willow is tracking my cell.”  Or the cellphone he used with them.  He’d gotten everyone here new ones.  Untraceable phones.  Constant contact.

Danny and Kennedy were sitting at their own table closer to the entrance.  Kennedy’s natural stealth had rubbed off on the girl.  Living in the shadows would do that.  They were hyper-aware of everyone, everything around them. They had to be.  Laura studied them for a second.  She felt irrationally guilty at what they were giving up to help them.  Neither woman complained.  They assured them they were where they wanted to be.

“I can’t,” Buffy said, pushing the envelope back to him.  “I don’t want to see how they’ve changed.  I just…”

He nodded and made eye contact with Laura. “You?”

She laid her hand against the envelope, weighing her decisions.  One of them had to look. Make sure they were okay. She knew what Angel said. That they were taken care of. That they loved them. But… she closed her eyes. She’d lost everything. Her friends.  Her father.  Carmilla.

Rachel. Tara.

“Okay,” she finally said, opening the envelope slowly.  She hated her hand was shaking.  She took a deep breath to steady herself.

She poured through the snapshots.  Of both the babies.  With Faith.  Carmilla. Some with Dawn. Perry.  Everyone.  Even people she didn’t recognized.  Slayers she assumed.  She could only look at them for a moment.  It seemed like a staged dream.  Some joke they were playing on her.  Those couldn't be her girls.  But she knew they were.  

She sighed and closed the envelope. People had always felt the need to protect her. Shield her from the bad. She’d never understand why. She was sitting at a table with a centuries old vampire and the original slayer.  And yet she felt, in that moment, that she was the only reason they weren’t sinking.

She rubbed her hand back and forth against the paper. She focused on the girls’ faces.  She couldn't look at the photos again.  Not yet.  But she could see their eyes.  They were smiling.  That meant they were happy, right?  She loved them both. Ferociously.  Until a month ago, she’d spent every waking moment of their lives with them.  It hurt like a pain she didn’t even understand knowing they were somewhere without her.  Not being able to hold them.  

She almost voiced their differences. How much they’d changed. She chose not to. Today she was stronger than Buffy. Tomorrow, maybe she wouldn’t be.

She caught Ken’s eye and motioned for her to take the folder. Ken peeked inside as she sat back down, frowned, and handed the envelope to Danny.  She did the same, before tucking it into her backpack.  It was strange how much it affected them as well.  She never really understood children.  She hadn't been around that many.  But her father told her once... he'd said that babies change you.  They open up your eyes to this world that you never knew was possible, but that you prayed to God existed.  She mourned that loss as well.  He would love those girls as much as anyone every could.

She glanced at Buffy, who was biting her lip. She rubbed her back softly and scooted the dessert Angel had ordered towards the slayer.  “Eat something, Buff.  Please?”

Buffy nodded but didn’t make eye contact with either of them. The last few days had been hard on her.  If she broke... Laura was terrified of even the idea of it.  Buffy was the rock.  They all knew it.  She led.  And if she couldn't... what would they really do?

Laura turned back to Angel.  “Something has to happen.  We are living like freaking criminals here. Skulking around in the shadows. Why? And we don’t know who to trust.  Where to go.  It’s getting to be…” she faltered.

He nodded, watching Buffy sadly.

Kennedy caught her eye and nodded, before she walked over.  “Hey Buff, go sit with D for a minute.  I want to talk to Angel about our next step. I’m thinking somewhere warm.”

Buffy avoided eye contact with her, but got up to move. She stopped suddenly and turned to Angel. “You’re the only lifeline we have,” she whispered.  “Please don’t cut it.”

"You know I'd never leave you.  Not willingly.  Not for anyone.  Not even Faith." He shook his head.  “Not with my last dying breath.”

She actually smiled at that.  “Your vampire humor is getting weak,” she said, hugging him softly.

They watched her sit down with Danny and open some travel book they’d purchased.  Laura hoped Kennedy wasn’t kidding about the warmer part.  Those places were definitely better.  It was always better to be in a warm place when you felt like you’d never get warm again.

Kennedy waited until Buffy was distracted to speak. “All right bro, listen up. We can’t keep doing this. Not for four and a half years. Jesus it’s been a month and she’s in zombie mode.  She’s not gonna make it. And she doesn't make it... you know the rest.  So please, for the love of all that’s holy, tell me you have some sort of news.  Anything.”

“We’ve scoured prophecies.  You know they’re contradictory at best.  From what I can tell, the girls have some part in some sort of manifestation of the first birth.  Of good and evil. Neither of them is a vessel or all dark or all light.  It’s more shared. But we aren’t sure of the role they’re gonna play.  Or how the others factor in. I can say for certain that we do not want any pure forces, good or evil, walking this earth. What was here before man… it can’t manifest itself again.  Humanity won’t survive it.”

Kennedy sighed. “And that’s awesome, but totally useless information if we can't stop it. So how do we do that?” She rubbed the back of her neck.  She was tired.  It was weird how living with someone for a year could change how you saw them, Laura mused.  

He shook his head.  “We’re looking at what’s infected them.  Whatever spell that was cast it was cast from far away. And that means power. Lots of it.  So besides Willow, you have whatever powers these people, or things have, surrounding that castle.  You can’t get within one hundred miles of it.  Not without them knowing.”

Laura sighed.  They’d heard all of that before.

“So what if they knew?” She asked. “What’s the worst they can do?”

“It depends on what they think is a threat. Willow alone is enough to…” He stopped and patted Ken’s hand. “I’m sorry.  I know this is difficult and…”

She waved him off.  “I get it." And she did, Laura knew.  It was what was amazing about her.  She was rolls with the punches girl.  And god did they need that sometimes.  "And it’s not her. Or it is her, but she doesn’t know,” she groaned, her head in her hands. “I feel like just rushing in there and shaking the shit out of her.  And Faith.  And just… Jesus all of them, really.”

He nodded. 

“What about Xander?” Ken asked.  

“It’s a risk.  He’s suspicious.  And he’s voiced his concerns more than once.  But he’s a follower.  Approaching him could be a big mistake.  Provided I could get him alone.  And get him to listen to me.”

“Yeah, but he sounds like he’s our only option,” Laura countered.

“And he loves Buffy,” Kennedy added.

“I know,” Angel conceded.  “But it’s all or nothing.  I approach him.  And he helps or he doesn’t.  And if he doesn’t… that’s it for me.  They’ll know I’ve been helping you and that’ll be…”

“Do it,” Buffy said, walking up.

They all turned to her.  Even the atmosphere in the cafe changed.  Buffy had this thing, but Laura couldn't name it. It was there though and everyone felt it.  She felt her heart speed up.

“Are you sure…” Angel started.

She held up her hand. Laura saw a light in her eye she hadn't seen in months.  It awed her.  All of them really. “Yes.  Positive. We are running like criminals here. Away from the people we love most in the world.  I’m not staying in the holding pattern.  Not any longer. Lay it all out. He’s either with us or against us.” She crossed her arms, her resolve mask slipping into place.  “Cause here’s the thing.  It’s time they know that we aren’t running.  We aren’t hiding anymore.  They aren’t the only players in this game.  Gather whatever freakin resources are at your disposal.  Wills doesn’t have connections with every coven on this planet. I don’t care who they are. I’ve made deals with the devil before. I’ll do it again to get the girls back. Let the casualties fall where they may.”

It was sketchy, Laura knew.  But it was bold.  And she liked bold.  When Buffy made up her mind, there was no changing it.  And Laura was glad.  Glad it would be over one-way or another.  And super glad the tiny slayer was on her side.  Because witches, covens, slayerettes be damned… Buffy Summers was the ultimate badass. Laura’d seen it time and time again. People, demons, vampires, stupid entities of the night - you just had to whisper her name and most quaked in real fear and ran away.

“They’re in a holding pattern too,” Laura offered. “They’re afraid of us,” she looked at Buffy.  “Afraid of you.”

The tables turned completely when she nodded.  “With good damn reason.”

“I’ll go tomorrow.  Leave Paris tonight.  Go South.  I’ll send word one way or another.”

Buffy hugged him as he stood up. “Be careful.  They trust you but you’re still…”  She sighed.  “Don’t be heroic is all I’m saying.”

“Aw come on Buffy.  You take the fun out being of the knight in shining leather,” he smiled.

She frowned.  “It’s going to kill Faith.  You know that right.”

He nodded.  Faith was the thorn in all of this.  She wasn’t coping well.  She was worse than Buffy at times.  Worse than any of them. And she didn’t take betrayal lightly.

“Casualties,” he said.  “We fix it and all’s forgiven.  She’ll understand.”

Buffy nodded.  It was evident she didn't believe him in the slightest. 

* * *

Two days later, at a beach south of Cabo, Xander Harris popped into a shoddy motel room. One heroic, knight in shining leather in tow.  Or probably the other way round really.

He zeroed in on Buffy first, running up to her and picking her up. “Buff!” He squealed, squeezing the life out of her. “I’ve missed you. He said you were okay, but Jesus… we didn’t know anything and I couldn’t… It’s like they’ve drink some Jim Jones-sized kool-aid.”  He hugged her again.  "I'm so sorry.  I just didn't..."

“Dude,” Ken said, cutting off his rambling apologies. “How are you here?”

He grinned and picked her up as well.  She was less thrilled than Buffy.

“Your vampire can make humans go poof. Who knew?” He smiled.

He turned to Laura and Danny, pulling them both into a hug as well.  They both hugged him back.  He was the game changer they'd been hoping for. “I’ve been worried sick. I couldn’t talk to anyone. I think Laf is suspicious but they aren’t voicing anything.  I just…”

“How did you get out?” Buffy asked.

Angel frowned at that.  “They know.  Within seconds of me finding Xander alone.  Carmilla and Faith both… they rushed in like the cavalry.”  He shuddered.  "I thought she was gonna stake me."  No one bothered to ask who "she" was.  It didn't really matter.

Xander nodded.  “You guys are sort of stuck with me till we figure this out. But I’ve got a month’s worth of inside information.  Some of it may be useful.”

“I hope you put those research skills to use,” Danny said. 

Kennedy moaned.  “Shit.  That may be asking for a miracle.”

He grinned and pulled out a stack of papers. “Not so, oh ye of little faith.  Miracles await."

Kennedy rolled her eyes.

He ignored her.  And Laura had to admit his high was contagious. "I’ve been squirreling some things away.  I had a feeling I might… I don’t know.” He handed them to Danny.  “This is what they’re going on.  What they think is happening.  Some book showed up on our doorstep a few nights after the girls.  There were some really specific prophecies in it.  Not referenced elsewhere.  No one in the castle had even heard of it.  That’s when I knew.  Wills would never forgo cross-referencing.  Giles neither.  Hell even Laf and Dawn knew to double check. But it was like the only thing they focused on.” He sighed.  “The book.  It was called the Dea Apostle.  I don’t know if that means anything.”

Angel nodded.  No one had made him aware of this information.  Not even Faith.  “I’ll get the firm on it.”

“Are the girls…” Laura started.

He smiled at her. “They’re fine. Promise.  They love them.  We all do. Rachel’s is so laidback. She just bounces around from hip to hip. She's the community baby that's for sure.  As long as she's moving she's like a little happy clam.”

“And Tara?” Buffy whispered.

“Takes after her mom,” he smiled. “And doesn’t trust a damn one of us. She studies every single face that picks her up.  Like she's getting a read on who the good guys are.  And maybe who they aren't. Not a bad thing, considering. She's wary of everyone. Except Faith. Well and…” he stopped.

“And” Kennedy asked.  Most likely assuming Dawn or Willow would come next.

“And her oma,” he shrugged.  “Carm’s like magic with her. It's so... I can't explain it."

Laura had figured as much.  Many of the pictures Angel gave them in France were of Carmilla holding Tara.  Laura didn't feel particularly one way or another about that.  She was equally protective of both the girls.

"No matter who’s around, she just… they have this connection.  It's crazy.  Don't get me wrong.  Faith does as well.  And vice versa.  But... it's like she's a little tiny mini-vamp.” he shirked.  “Or I don’t know. Don't listen to me.  I'm too giddy that you're alive and stuff to make sense.”

Buffy nodded.  Because obviously that would be the case.  “It’s fine, Xand.  I’m glad they love them.”

Laura frowned.  “They weren’t like that.  Not with us. Rachel was needier. She required more attention.”  She shook her head. “Tara would go to any stranger with their hands held out for more than a few seconds.”

The rest of them nodded.

“You guys didn’t mix them up, did you?” Danny asked.

He looked stricken for a second. “Uh Tara’s got green eyes? Rachel’s are blue?”

They all nodded.

“Whew,” he blew out.  “Then no.  We didn’t.”

“Then it doesn’t make any sense,” Kennedy said. "You basically just described Rachel.  Not Tara.  Have they been like this the whole time?"

He nodded at her even as Angel shook his head.  “Actually it does make sense.  One of the books… I don’t remember which one… but one of them said they would be adaptable.  Even as infants. They could change, share traits, adapt to situations that required it.”

“Yeah,” Laura started.  “But what situation would require that?  Total personality changes?”

Danny frowned.  “Babies do change.  I mean we all witnessed that.”  She was right of course.  Everyday they learned something new.  Did something new.  But, not like this...

They nodded a bit wearily. 

Buffy shook her head.  “No.  It makes sense. She’s forming a bond with her. Carmilla.  The question is why.”

No one had an answer for that.

“My cover’s blown.  So you know, you guys are cool to be in the open now. Come to L.A.  We can find more answers if we have the resources and tools to look for them.  And if that's something we need to find... we will.”

They shared looks of astonishment.

“Holy shit,” Kennedy said.  “That’s the best goddamn news I’ve heard in months.”

“God, that’s kind of sad,” Xander frowned. “I have to say though I’d feel better in the magical, creepy law firm.  Like yesterday if possible.”

“Good point,” Angel said.  “Get your stuff.”

“Hey,” Danny said.  “We disrupted the timeline.  Right?”  She looked around the room.  “Xander isn’t supposed to be here.”

“You’re right,” Laura said.  “That’s good news.  Isn’t it?”

Buffy smiled.  “I think it may be.”

“Bags, people!” Xander squealed. “Scary witchy best friend. Super tracker. We gotta scoot.”

They rushed around the room.  Buffy sighed.  Damn Willow and her super powers, she thought.  

* * *

"For the love of God, Faith! That's a Rodin!" Giles squealed like a small British schoolgirl.

"Don't know who that is," she muttered.

"Liar," Carmilla whispered.  She put her hands on the next piece of art Faith grabbed.  And was baffled at the strength the woman had when she ripped it from her hands.

So the next thing to shatter against the wall was a sculpture Carmilla figured was at least as old as she was.  It was a damn liability really.  Priceless art in the slayer school.  It was good to know the council was as stupid as she thought, at least.

Giles sighed again.  “Faith, I must ask you to refrain from throwing one more thing in this library.  I know you’re angry. We all are.  But you tearing through here like a maniac is utterly terrifying. Not to mention costly.”  He had those glasses off.  Cleaning the glass right out of them. 

"Please ask me how much I give a fuck," she snarled.  

"You are truly likely to give me a heart attack," he muttered back.  "And even more likely to not bloody care, I assume."

“Sweetie,” Carmilla tried.  “You’ve got to calm down.  We suspected this.  Sit down and take a breath.” She tried to take her hand

Faith brushed her off and continued pacing.  She wanted to run out the door.  Run until her lungs hurt. Or burst.  She knew she couldn't.  And that was worse.  So busting a few of the council's stupid heirlooms would have to do.  She hated those dumb fucking sculptures anyway.  Pretentious pieces of shit.  It always pissed her off the money those old bastards sat on while she basically starved to death.

Faith thought back to earlier. There was a moment she felt it all change. As soon as Willow had screamed Xander’s name, she knew… knew what she’d find through the door. Knew that Angel… god, she fucking trusted him.  And he’d just… “Fuck!” She yelled. Slamming her hands down on the table and causing the witch to jump a couple of inches out of her seat.

Well at least Perry and Andrew had scooped up the babies a few minutes after they’d burst back in the library, Carmilla thought.  Faith was on a warpath.  Neither of them were sure it would have any effect on the girls, but they weren’t taking their chances.  No need for infants to be subjected her wrath.  Or the flying pieces of pottery.

“Oh let her rage." Dawn muttered. “Fucking Xander. I swear to god. First Buff and Ken. Now Xander.  What kind of friggin spell is this?”

“Crass language aside,” Giles scolded, “If we'd stop destroying everything in the library perhaps we'd find out.”

Willow was busy scooting the books she needed away from Faith.  She’d like them to stay in one piece. Most likely, she'd also like to stay in one piece. 

But Faith had taken to pacing.  Fight or flight.  Her instincts were definitely in overdrive. They were watching her, afraid of intervening.  Even Carmilla was holding back.

"Faith," her mother tried once more.  "Please stop.  You're scaring everyone." Including me, she didn't add.  She wondered how much of this she was responsible for.  The irrational anger.  The sense of loss at a betrayal they all saw coming.  

Faith grumbled and pushed past her. "I trusted him.  But... it was always Buffy right?  It's always fucking Buffy.  She bats those stupid eyelashes and the world just rolls the fuck over and asks what it can do next.  We cannot fight that.  And everyone in here knows it.  If Buffy wants... we won't win.  And most of us in here know why."

They let her words sink in.  Carmilla noticed they were all silently agreeing.  Hell, even Laf.  She shook her head.  "New players.  New game.  We don't know there's any battle to wage.  So stop doing this.  You aren't helping.  And you're scaring the mortals."

"Again, please ask me how much I give a fuck."  She got into Carmilla's personal space.  "You don't understand.  And god, how could you.  If she says the game changes, it changes."  She started pacing again.

Carmilla relented.  She knew when to back down.  There was no use in arguing with her when she was this irrational.   

“Faith!” Willow finally yelled. “Sit down right now. Or I’m magically binding you to that freakin chair.”

Faith scowled at her, but for whatever heavenly reason heaved a big sigh and plopped down in a chair across the room.  She crossed her arms and scowled at Willow.  "There ya go, Red.  Sitting the fuck down.  Carry on telling us what you don't know." She waved her hand in the air. Truth was, she’d been on the receiving end of Red’s powers a few times.  Not something she felt like reliving.

Laf was looking through some of the files they’d gathered.  “Uh guys, not to be the harbinger of bad news or anything…”

Carmilla rolled her eyes and fell into the chair beside Faith.  “Please tell me he didn’t…”

They shrugged.  “Oh he definitely did.  All the notes we had.  Poof. Gone.”

Of course they were, Carmilla thought. She studied the witch. As far as epiphanies went, the redhead had them first.  And she was having one now.

“What is it?” She asked her.

“They’ve disrupted the vision. Xander wasn’t with them. He was here.  With us.”  She frowned. “This is not of the good. Not at all.”

“Meaning…” Carmilla prompted.

“Meaning the game’s changed,” Faith answered for her. “We can’t trust what she saw. What they saw. Am I right, Red? G?”

Giles and Willow both nodded.  So she was right, Carmilla though.  Buffy was the one who got to change the game.  As far as she was concerned however, that wasn't really a problem.  

Carmilla was about to speak, when Dawn’s phone rang.

“What the hell?” She muttered. She slid it to answer. “Hello?”

“Hey Dawnie,” Xander’s voice rose through the silence, quivering though it was.

“Put it on speaker,” Willow cried, jumping up.

Dawn nodded.  “Xand.  What the holy hell are you smoking?  Get your butt back here,” Dawn started.  “Have you lost your mind?”

"Uh..." He started. 

“Are you with them?” Willow asked.

“Yeah, but... You guys need to listen.  They want to talk.  Meet. We’ve got to work something out. This isn’t the way this is supposed to go down.”  Apparently he'd been given some precious knowledge of the rules they were all supposed to be blindly following. 

Faith jumped up and stalked over to the phone. She wished she could reach through the line and choke the shit out of him.  “Put Buffy on the fucking phone, Harris.”

“Uh no,” he said, voice wavering.

Carmilla rolled her eyes.  He was afraid of her.  Through the stupid phone.  “So who are you? The mouthpiece?”

“Uh yeah,” he stuttered.  “For the time being.”

 “Put her on the phone.  We aren’t meeting with you.  We aren’t doing anything until I speak to her,” Faith growled.  

Giles discreetly moved some priceless antique vase out of her eye line.

They heard the shuffling. “I’m here,” Buffy sighed. There was a tint of exhaustion and a load of 'well the fuck over it' in her voice.

It was strange, the quiet that sort of settled over the room.  No one suddenly knew what to say.  Not even Faith. Especially Faith.

“I said I’m here,” Buffy said again. “And since you aren’t going to talk, you can listen. I'm no longer hiding.  We're no longer hiding.  You have questions.  Well so do we.  But a line was crossed.  I don't know who crossed, and frankly I don't care.  But it changes things.  If you want to look for us, Willow?  Go right ahead.  We're in L.A.  Wolfram and Hart.  You've heard of it, but I can send you the address."

Everyone in the room held their breath.  Well, except for the vampire, who was having a 'well the fuck over it' moment as well.

She continued. "So here's what you're going to do.  There is no option in this.  Believe me when I say that.  Your mother, Faith… next Wednesday.  She meets me in London.  In public.  TAP Coffee.  In Soho.  Just me.  No magic.  No reinforcements.  You want to bring your entourage, go ahead.  But she comes alone.  No Willow. No one.  I'll be there waiting.  And I won't make the offer again.”

“And how do we know this isn’t some sort of trap?” Carmilla asked.  She wasn't sure what the slayer was capable of.  But she did know she was harboring a great big grudge against her.  The two of them meeting?  Alone?  She couldn't kill her. Not in public anyway.  Of course the slayer knew that. Plus, it would destroy Faith.  She also didn't think the slayer cared much about that part of the equation.

She heard a different sigh and realized they were on speaker as well.  She stumbled backwards a bit.  “Laura?”

“Carm, I know you don’t think we know what we’re doing. And I understand why. But if you ever trusted us… me… then you’ll do this.  You took the girls." Her voice was shaking. "There’s nothing any of us would do to risk compromising that.  And I think you know it. Angel, Xander... they said you loved them.  And I saw the photographs.  It's obvious you do.  But we do too.  So much.” She sounded tired.  Exhausted.  It hurt to hear her.

“Uh, let’s think about this,” Dawn started.

“Nope,” Buffy said.  “You don’t get a say. I love you, Dawnie.  That doesn't change.  But you are fighting the wrong battle here.  I blame myself for that... I should've seen it coming really...  you know what, it doesn't matter. Carmilla.  Wednesday.  10:30. You really need to be there.  We don’t want to escalate this.  But we will.  I will. Faith, Willow, Giles I know you understand what I’m saying here."

They were all nodding.  Like she could see them.  Carmilla didn't think it would matter much anyway.  She had a feeling the slayer knew.

"Don’t make me do that, F. Please.  If you ever loved me…” Her voice softened.  "I know things have changed.  Everything really.  But you couldn't for a second think I'd ever hurt... You took a piece of me... us, you took a piece of all of us.  You may hate me, but you need to..."

“B…” Faith stuttered again.  “I… don’t…”

Carmilla watched her daughter break apart like glass at that.  She closed her eyes and wished for the first time in a long time, she'd never showed the fuck back up at Silas University.  

“God, Faith…” they heard Buffy swallow whatever emotion was bubbling up. It was cut off and her voice rang back like steel, "I can't do this. Not now."

And then Carmilla understood why the Littlest Slayer That Could ran things around here.  She had a switch.  A switch Faith lacked.  It made her irrationally angry.

"Where's Ken," the witch spoke.  "Is she there?"

"Yeah," the girl in question answered.  "I'm here, Will.  I love you, babe.  Nothing's gonna change that.  But I won't be a part... I told you.  You've got to know... deep down that's something's wrong."

Carmilla admired the resolve face Willow pulled in that moment.  "I could say the same thing to you."

"Fair," Kennedy said.  "But it doesn't make you right."

"Carmilla?” Buffy's voice rang through again.

“Yes,” the vampire answered.  She tucked a piece of hair behind Faith’s ear. She was torn between wanting to kill this slayer and wanting to just chuck it all and give her what she wanted.  If it would stop the breakdown she already knew was coming... 

“From what I understand, you’re running this show. Correct?”

“Depends on what you mean,” she answered carefully.  She was.  And she wasn't sure why.  She sure the hell didn't ask for it.

“I'm afraid you know exactly what I mean.  And you may be the only one who does. So do what’s right.” The slayer offered.

“Please, Carm,” Laura was crying.

And so was Faith. 

It became very clear in the next few moments who the real players were.  She’d known since the day the tiny slayer burst into the study. Maybe Faith was right.  Maybe it was a battle.  But it didn't matter.  She didn't take orders from a half-pint with a hero complex.  She was fucking tired of heroics honestly.  And way the hell over what it was they were doing in the moment.

“I’ll be there.” She answered. "Not because you demand it; so let's just get that clear now.  Your wishes, Buffy Summers, are pretty much at the top of my don't give a fuck list.  Keep that in mind.  You walk into that cafe with that righteous indignation and you can walk right back out.  You want me to come clean, you follow the rules as well."

"Then it's a date." Buffy replied.  She took a deep breath  “Faith, we love them  Can you at least tell them that?  Please. Even if nothing is resolved… just remind them now. If you get your wish, it won’t matter in the long run. They won’t remember. But…”

Carmilla held her daughter, who was too busy crying to make any sort of concession.  “We will,” she answered for her.

“Thank you,” Buffy said. 

She heard the slayer hang up. But not before she heard Laura’s sobbing as well.

She imagined someone comforting Laura.  Holding her the way she was holding Faith.  She rubbed her hair softly.  "This is good.  Okay?" She whispered.

Faith shook her head.  "You can't trust her.  You can't let your guard down.  If she hurts you, I can't..."  She sat up.  "Please don't let it come to that.  Don't make me..."

"Have a little, faith, firecracker." She winked at her.

Faith nodded.  "Still not funny," she muttered. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope people are still reading this story. It's fun to write.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

There was something so irksome about the fact that Buffy Summers had the upper hand.  It was eating at the vampire.  The decisions she left them with were few and far between.  All of them could spirit to London.  No problem.  Hell, she doubted not for a second that they could probably hide in plain site. There was definitely no way that they hadn’t been given the necessary spell to do that anyway. Case in point, no one had gotten even the slightest wind of them in a year.  Knowing that that poster boy for Vampire Redemption was involved pretty much solidified the fact.

It was infuriating really.  She’d worried, needlessly it seemed, about how they were surviving. Though the plucky one was independently wealthy apparently, the witch had her bank accounts covered. No money was ever drawn. She’d imagined them living hand to mouth.  A stupid thought considering the evilest law firm on the planet was backing their world tour.

The decision they were left with was much more difficult.  Did she go alone? If not, whom did she take? Obviously the witch was an option. Faith.  But then who would be here?  They couldn’t leave the girls.  And she highly doubted Andrew and Perry could clean unwanted interlopers to death. Though they may be able to persuade them to run onto their own stakes if they hung around long enough.

Worrying about it was pointless however, as she soon learned.

“You can’t go alone.  Not that we can’t trust them,” Laf said.  “But I mean, we can’t really trust them.  You going alone sounds like misguided suicide.”

“Absolutely,” Giles reiterated.

Faith rolled her eyes for the seven thousandth time. “My patience is bordering on non-existent,” she muttered.  She was bouncing Rachel on her knee and Carmilla bit down the scold she was about to issue.  “Do you guys realize we have like less than twenty-four hours?  And we keep having the same fucking conversation.”  Faith raised the baby up in the air and blew a raspberry at her.

“Your language is going to have long-term effects,” Perry told the slayer. 

“I know, P.  Because you tell me every single day.”

Perry clucked her tongue.  “And you refuse to listen.  So you know I’m going to keep telling you.”

Faith winked at her. 

Giles shook his head.  Also for the seven thousandth time.  “It’s as if I’m caught in a Monty Python skit,” he mumbled.

“Is that a band?” Dawn asked.

“Oh good lord,” he exclaimed. “Can we please get back to the task at hand as it were?”

“Watcher’s right,” Carmilla added.

She was holding Tara.  The baby had been extra fussy the night before and had woken with a slight temperature. No one could soothe her. They figured Carmilla’s body temperature was a few degrees lower.  She couldn’t put her down.  Not that she particularly minded.  “And will you please stop throwing my daughter in the air like a basketball, Faith. I love you, but you’re killing me here.”

Faith frowned at Rachel.  “Mommy’s a fun-sucker.”

Andrew leaned over to whisper in Perry’s ear. “It’s like the entire room has developed a case of ADHD.”

She nodded, sagely agreeing with him.

“I go.  Faith stays.” Willow announced. 

“Except, she specifically said no Willow,” Dawn interjected.  “She didn’t say no Dawn.  Or no Giles. Just no Willow. But far be it for me to be a voice of reason. She’s just my crazy-ass sister. Not like I know when she’s serious or not.”

“Well in that case,” Willow fired back. “She said nobody. No one but Carmilla.”

“No she didn’t.  She said she knew we’d bring somebody.  She just said ‘No Willow’,” Faith answered.  She shrugged at the witch. “Sorry.  But she knows we aren’t sending her alone.  She’s not stupid.  She just wants to meet her alone.”  She sat the baby on the table in front of her.  “We’ve got to start thinking like Buffy.  I mean it’s not like we don’t know her.  What’s the angle?  Why just the two of them? What’s she got that we don’t know about it?”  Again Carmilla bit back a retort,  and didn't mention it was hard to take Faith seriously while she was making those ridiculous faces at Rachel.

Laf nodded.  “Good point.  We need to work backwards.”

Carmilla rubbed Tara’s back.  She put the back of her hand against the baby’s forehead. She was still warm. “So let’s look at what we’re all in agreement about.” She tried giving the baby a bottle, but she just pushed it away.  It was becoming more worrisome. “We can’t all go.  We can’t take them,” she motioned to girls.  “So who stays?”

Dawn shook her head.  “Why can’t we?”

Faith shook her head.  “Cause we don’t know what kind of power they’re working with. I want to trust Buffy. You gotta know that. But… it’s a what if.”

And that was the problem, Carmilla thought. Everyone in here wanted to trust Buffy. Everyone except her. “They are absolutely not going.” The vampire's voice was final.  They knew better than to argue.

“Okay,” Dawn said.  “I go.  I go; Giles goes.  That leaves a slayer and a witch.  Two mother hens and one helluva a researcher.” She shrugged through Andrew and Perry frowning and Laf preening.  “We aren’t without power if we need it.  But the babes are protected.  Carm’s not alone.  Willow can glamour us. Cause you know every single one of them will be there.  All glamoured up as well. They have literally nothing to lose and everything to gain.  She’s not going to leave Ken or Angel in L.A.  And no way she’d leave Laura or Danny in the law firm without them there. It’s the best we got. I mean we could send other slayers, but she’s got those spidey senses and she’ll sniff them out in no time.”

Carmilla nodded.  Truth be told, as much as she wanted to throttle the slayer, she liked her spunky sister.  She raised the baby and pressed her cheek against her own.  “That’s good.  We can do that.  I’ve got a watcher and a mini watcher.  That’s handy, right?”

Dawn smiled.  “Don’t forget mystical key.  I mean there’s really no power behind it, but it’s badass to say.”

Carmilla smiled at her.  She didn’t comment but she figured the monks that created her had a little sense of humor.  She was Buffy’s snarky, little opposite.  She’d take the sweet justice where she could get it. 

* * *

Faith agreed that Dawn was most likely right. She knew she couldn’t protect her mother and the babies.  She just had an itch. And she wasn’t sure where it was coming from.  “Is she okay?” She asked Carmilla, motioning to Tara.  “Why don’t we swap?”

“Or share?” Perry interjected.

Faith blew her a kiss and handed Rachel to her. She knew the redhead drove her mother insane.  But Faith thought she was just about the best thing to happen to the castle.  She was like Andrew, without the creepiness. “Auntie P is jealous,” she muttered to the baby. 

“And not an obscenity one thrown in,” Perry said. “I’m ridiculously proud of that."

Laf shook their head.  “And now…”

Faith smirked. “No fucking problem, P.”

“Miracles, my dear,” Giles stated. “You can’t ask for them.”

Faith turned back to her mother. “Give her here.” She loved her mother. She really did. But her obsession with Tara was… well, the baby was sick.  And Faith was worried.

Carmilla hesitated.  And the tension shot up in the room. 

“She’s sick,” Carm stated.  “And I’m cooler than you.”

Dawn chuckled.  “Please someone… don’t let that go…”

Faith gave Dawn the finger and refocused on her mother. “Well let me try. We gave her the baby Acetaminophen, right?”

Perry nodded.

And the witch was frowning.

“Maybe I can get her to take the bottle?”

When she handed her off, the entire room held their breath.  No one in there would say that Faith didn’t love her daughter to pieces.  You only to look at the little girl to see Buffy’s eyes staring back.  Even if she wasn’t her daughter, she would still love her.  And she wasn’t jealous.  It made her heart swell to see her mother hold her baby.  Her super, teenagery young mother, but you get the drift.  But it stood to reason that it burned a little when she reached for Carmilla like she was the only life raft in shark-infested waters.

When Faith took her, she didn’t cry. She didn’t even move. She raised her eyebrow, intending to smirk but… “Hey sweet girl,” she whispered.  “You’ve gotta drink something.”

“Do we have any… what’s it called? Like Gatorade for babies?” Laf asked.

“Pedialyte,” Perry answered.  She turned to Andrew. 

“In the kitchen,” he replied, as he scurried out of the room.

And the witch was still frowning.  

* * *

Epiphanies, Carmilla remembered. She raised her eyebrow at the witch.

Willow bit her lip.  “Babies get sick.  And there’s a million people running around this castle with germs attached. It’s fairly likely that they would catch something…”

“But?” Carmilla questioned.  The witch was good at epiphanies but terrible at straight talk. It irked the hell out of Carm.

Willow shook her head.  “I don’t know.”

“Uh,” Laf started.  They motioned with their head towards Rachel. She was leaning out of Perry’s arm, watching Tara.  “That’s a little weird.  Right?”

Carmilla took the baby from Perry. “What’s wrong with you, little one?” Rachel was having none of it. She was leaning out of Carm’s arms at that point.  And then she started crying. And she rarely cried. “What are you…” She didn’t finish. She noticed Tara before Faith did.

So did Dawn.  “Faith,” she squealed. 

Carmilla handed Rachel to Giles and ran over.

It all happened in the span of five seconds or less. Rachel crying. Screaming at this point.

The baby was jerking.  Seizing.  It was slight at first.  Faith hadn’t even noticed because she wasn’t looking down.  And then it wasn’t slight anymore.  “Oh god!”

“Roll her own her side,” Laf yelled, running over.

Faith sat back down and did just that. “No, no, no.  Come on baby. What’s wrong?”

“Don’t,” Laf said.  “Don’t snap her out of it.  She’s okay.” They pushed through and shoved Carmilla out of the way. Under normal circumstances, Carmilla would've been impressed at how the mad scientist ignored her growl.  “It’s okay. She’s okay. “ They rubbed her back. “It’s probably febrile. What was her temp earlier?”

“One hundred,” Dawn answered. “I checked it before we came in.”

“Okay,” they said.  “Go get the thermometer.  We’ll check it again.” They turned to Will.  “Is the nurse here?”

Willow took Rachel from Giles. The normally affable baby was screaming at this point. “Yeah, yeah.  She’s here.” She looked at Andrew who’d run back in with the drink. “Go get her.”

He nodded and ran back out.

Carmilla bent down in front of Faith. “It’s okay,” she breathed. “Look, it’s stopping. See?  She’s okay.” She put her hand on Faith’s cheek. “Breathe.  She’s okay.  It’s not uncommon.  Okay? It’s a febrile seizure most likely, Laf’s right.  Her temperature spiked and it’s sometimes too much, too fast.  And she’s fine. Look.”  She knew it wouldn’t be beneficial to anyone if Faith checked out. 

The baby was coming around.  Rachel had settled against Willow and was sucking her thumb, watching with wide eyes.  “She’s okay,” Willow told her. “See?  All better.”

Faith was nodding.  But the baby was blinking her eyes and trying to rise up. She lifted her up slowly.

The nurse came in before the rest of the room could catch their breath.  “What do we have here, huh?” She took the baby from Faith and laid her down on the couch next to her.  “Let’s get this silly ole sleeper off.  I bet you’re hot.” She took the thermometer from Dawn and placed it under the baby’s armpit. “It’s 103.  That’s high.  But not too high, okay mom?”

Faith squatted down beside her. “Okay,” she whispered.

“Babies get sick.  It’s probably a nasty little infection, isn’t it?” She rubbed Tara’s cheeks.  “How long has she been tired? When’s the last time she’s eaten?”

“She hasn’t felt well since last night,” Giles told her. 

Perry nodded.  “She ate a little earlier.  But not much.”

The nurse nodded.  “Let’s take her on down to the infirmary. It’s probably nothing, but she’s still little.  And as a precaution, maybe call Doctor Walsh.  She probably isn’t five minutes from here.  She can turn around.” She nodded to Giles and he went off to call her. “ So she can just make sure. Okay?  And I’m not telling you that because it’s bad. She’s a baby.  We just want make sure.”  She rubbed Faith’s arm. “I’m going take her down.  Put her in a cold bath.  Just to get the fever down a little.” She looked at Perry. “You gave her the drops?”

She nodded.  “Yes.”

“Okay.” She picked the baby up. “Take a second to collect yourself, honey,” she told Faith.  “Cause you’re about thirty seconds away from hyperventilating.  Do you want to come with me?”

Faith nodded and then shook her head. “No. I need… Just a minute,” she whispered.

“That’s fine.  Because this isn’t an emergency.  Just a normal day at slayer school.  Get your breath.  And drink something.” She carried Tara out of the room.

Andrew handed her a bottle of water. He took Rachel from Willow. “Let’s go find a snack. Yeah?”  The baby patted his cheek like she understood him.

“I’ll go with the Tara,” Dawn said. She didn’t wait for a response.

Perry and Laf had already followed the nurse out.

Willow caught Carmilla’s eye.

“Go,” Faith said, watching them. “I’m fine.”

Carmilla shook her head.  Since the babies had been there, she’d been forced to make choices. Sometimes it was the girls. Sometimes it was Faith. And though a feeling of panic was curling inside of her, she knew what she had to do.  “We’ll be down in a minute.”

Willow nodded and scooted out.

Faith’s face was pale and she was breathing faster than normal.  Carmilla could hear her heart racing.  She bent down in front of her and rubbed Faith’s knees. “Drink the water.” she said.

Faith nodded.  “She was… how did I not…”

“Nope.  No way. They come on fast. I was holding her not five minutes earlier.  She wasn’t that hot. And you heard the nurse. She’s fine.  So look at me,” She turned Faith’s face.  “Look at me.  She’s going to be okay.”

Faith took a deep breath.  Carmilla figured they were fifty/fifty at this point. She could go either way. “Buffy,” she whispered. She looked at her mother. “I can’t do this. I can’t.  Not without her.  I can’t.”

Carmilla sat down beside her. “Okay. That’s okay.  We don’t have to.  We don’t have to do anything.  You tell me what you want.  I’ll make it happen.”  She didn't allow her to think of the implications of what she was agreeing to.

Faith was beyond the listening point. “I can’t… what if something happened? What if something happens? God… if something’s wrong… I can’t do it.  I won’t. It isn’t fair. To either of them.”

Carmilla nodded.  She wasn’t sure if she was talking about Buffy and Tara or Rachel and Tara. She figured it didn’t really matter. She helped her up. “Let’s go down there. The doctor’s probably back by now. Let’s see what she says. And then whatever it is we need to do… that’s what we do.  You want me to go… I’ll have the witch send me tonight.  I’ll go get them if that’s what you want.”

Faith blinked at her. “I don’t… Jesus Christ… what the fuck are we doing?”

Carmilla shook her head.  “I honestly have no idea.”  The vampire was sure, however, that they meant different things. 

* * *

 

Both women could hear the noises coming from the infirmary.  Talking. Lots of talking.

“There was a mission,” Carmilla said. She wasn’t sure if Faith was even listening.  She wasn’t sure if she was even talking to Faith. She grabbed one of the slayerettes in the hallway. “Can a few of you go find Andrew? Rachel’s with him and… I’d feel better if you guys were around.”

She nodded at her.  “Yes, mam.” She hurried off.

The nurse and Dawn met them at the entrance.  

“We’ve managed to get her temperature down. But she’s still extremely lethargic. We’re having a little difficulty waking her up.  It’s not alarming because she’s sick.  But it’s also not ideal. The doctor’s in there.  And everyone else.  They’ve got her hooked to a couple of machines.  Just to test. Make sure the seizure was febrile. Again, they’re common. We’ve drawn blood and are testing it now.  So, it’s kind of a wait and see. Do you want to go in there?”

Faith nodded.  “Please.”

Dawn took her back.  Carmilla stopped the nurse.  “Betty?”

The nurse nodded. 

“Stop sugarcoating.  I want to know what’s happening.”

She bit her lip and led her into the hallway. “I don’t know. Neither does Dr. Walsh. She’s running tests. Medical and otherwise. Sometimes it’s nothing. And sometimes… you just don’t know here. Has she been exposed to anyone new?”

Carmilla shook her head.  “Of course not.”

“And Rachel, your daughter?  She’s fine?”

Carmilla nodded.  “She was.  Should we… she was crying. But I don’t know…” She hadn’t even thought… Her face startled the nurse.

The nurse called Andrew on the intercom.

He and a cadre of slayers ran in thirty seconds later.

“She seems fine,” he said. 

Carmilla smiled at him and took her daughter. “You okay, snuggle bug?” She looked fine, she knew. She hoped he was right.

The nurse smiled too and rubbed Rachel's back. “She looks right as rain, doesn’t she?”

Rachel giggled at her. 

“We’ll take her back.  Check her out and make sure she’s okay.”  The nurse moved towards another room in the infirmary. 

Carmilla nodded, a whole new worry added to her plate. “Sure.  Andrew if you don’t mind?”

He shook his head and grabbed two of the older slayers. She was almost certain she knew their names at some point, but fuck if she could remember them. 

“It’s okay, Ms. Karnstein.  We’ll go back there with her.  And then if she’s okay, we’ll take her next door.  So she’s not here.  But she’s close.  Okay?”

“Thank you,” she said.  “Thank you,” she repeated.

Both girls nodded and followed the nurse.  

* * *

Everyone was in the room with Tara. Carmilla walked in slowly. The doctor had her stethoscope out. One of the other nurses, one she didn’t know, was checking some readings on some machine.  At some point she knew what it was called, but again fuck if she could remember. 

Tara was blinking her eyes.  Trying to focus.  But then she closed them again.  “You’re the grandmother,” the doctor said.

Carmilla raised her eyebrow.  “Oma.”

She nodded. She was more serious than the nurse. No-nonsense.  Good.  That was good. Everyone knew who she was. It still never stopped the gawking around here, but Dr. Walsh was a professional.  “They said she takes to you.  If you don’t mind, I’d like you to try to talk to her. We need to check her responses.”

Carmilla nodded, before squeezing Faith’s hand and bending down next to the baby.  “Hey, baby girl. You gotta wake up for me. Open those pretty little eyes for Oma. Please.”  She rubbed her forehead. 

Tara’s eyes fluttered and she tried to open them.

“That’s my girl.  You hear me, don’t you?  Open those eyes so we can see you.  You’re scaring your Maman.” And me, she didn’t say. 

She motioned for Faith.  “Come on, Tara.  I know you can hear me, baby,” Faith whispered.  “Please” her voice choked. 

Carmilla rubbed Faith's back. She couldn’t let her break. “It’s okay.  Per, get her a chair, before she faints.”

Perry took Faith's and led her over to a chair near the door. “Drink some water, sweetie,” she whispered.

Carm turned back to the baby. “Remember the field? Oma’s gonna take you. You remember that right? But you have to open your eyes.”

Tara struggled, but finally opened. She looked at her, and reached out.

Carmilla felt a rush of adrenaline when she saw the baby's green eyes. “Can I pick her up?”

The doctor nodded.  One of the nurses came back in and Dr. Wash motioned at the woman to follow her into the hallway with  Willow and Giles. 

“Hey there, sweetheart.  I knew you’d wake up.  You’re just so tired, aren’t you?”  Carmilla moved so her daughter could see.  “Look, Faith. She’s coming round.”

Faith nodded distractedly.    

The doctor came back in.  “It’s an infection.  We don’t know what’s causing it or what’s originating. It doesn't seem contagious or even viral.  It is bacterial, but... well, no bacteria I can name.  But we can treat it.  It’s showing signs of…” She stopped speaking.

“Of what?” Half the room asked.

Carmilla thought she saw a trace of fear fleet across the doctor's face before she schooled it. “Something non-medical.  Maybe something latent.  I don’t think she was infected.  But her blood counts off.  We’ll have to run more tests.  In the mean time, I want to put an IV in.  She needs to get some fluids.  Her diaper’s dry. When’s the last time you changed it?”

Perry shook her head.  “A few hours.”

“Okay.  So she’s a little dehydrated.” Dr. Walsh tapped the baby's foot.  “See there?  It’s a little dry, huh?” She smiled at Tara  “All precautionary.  I’m calling in Dr. Block.  I want a second opinion.” She bent down in front of Faith.  “She’s okay.  She’s not in danger. But she’s sick. We treat that seriously here. But she’s also a baby. So we treat it more seriously. It doesn’t mean something is going to happen.  It means she’s sick.” She stood up and patted her shoulder.  “And you look a little pale yourself.  So let us get set up.  And you go get some air.  Please? We don’t need to worry about something we can head off, right?”

Faith stood up.  “Okay.  I think I need air.”

Carmilla kissed the side of Tara’s head and handed her to the nurse.  “I’m going with.” She motioned to Dawn who followed them out. 

She peeked into the room where Andrew and the girls were giggling with Rachel, thankful for small miracles.  

* * *

Faith’s heart was racing.  For a moment, she felt as if it was gonna explode in her chest. They were treating her with kid gloves. Why were they doing that?  And then she realized what was happening… that breaking point she was always afraid of. She was terrified. And when she needed her, really more than ever... no Buffy.  She… this was supposed to be Buffy.  It wasn’t fair that B didn’t even know that something… She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.  Outside was better.  Outside she could think.

“What do you want to do?” Dawn asked her.

She knew why Carmilla picked Dawn. She trusted her.

“I don’t know.” Faith finally answered.

Carmilla sighed. “This isn’t their decision. It’s yours.  What do you want us to do?”

Faith weighed her options.  Chips were down.  Things changed.  She didn’t even understand what they were doing anymore.  She just needed Buffy there.  God… She ran her fingers through her hair.  Gut instinct, she told herself.  Gut instinct.

“I want her here. All of them. I don’t care about anything else. Please get her here.”

“Okay,” Carmilla whispered.  “Then that’s what we do.”  She pulled her into a hug.  “Stay here and catch your breath.  I’m calling Angel.  Hopefully he’s phone is still working.  Or…” She turned to Dawn. “The other number.”

“Xander.” Dawn said.

“I’ve got my phone.  If I go anywhere… just keep that in mind. Tell the witch to poof me back if need be.  Just… please, please stay strong till I get back.  Okay.”  Her mother's face was unreadable, and Faith knew she was conflicted.

Faith’s throat constricted.  “Please be careful.”

Carmilla winked.  “Always am.” 

* * *

Carmilla walked around to one of the parking areas before calling his number.  She wasn’t sure he’d answer.  When he did, she let go of the breath she really didn’t need to hold.

“Angel,” he said.

“I need you to transport me.  Just me.  Wherever you are. London.  L.A. I don’t care.  I need to talk to Buffy and I need to talk to her now.”  She knew she sounded hysterical. She was scared.  She was scared they would come back.  And she was scared they wouldn't.

“Whoa.  Okay… I’m not sure…”

“Please,” she pleaded.  “I wouldn’t ask, but… what can I do?  By myself?  You know I’m walking into a minefield.  Not the other way around.”

He had her on speaker because Laura’s voice came through the phone.  She sounded alarmed. “Carm, what’s wrong?”

Her chest constricted at the sound of Laura’s voice. “Laura, please tell him to transport me.  Please.  I’m begging here.”

“Transport her,” Buffy suddenly said. “Now.”

“Okay, it takes a moment.  Close your eyes.”

Carmilla did as she was told. 

* * *

They barely had time to prepare before the vampire arrived. They were already in London. He’d transported Carmilla to the firm’s lobby and met her there. 

Buffy was shaking as she followed him.  The vampire had sounded scared.  Terrified.  And she’d asked for her.  Not Laura. Something was wrong.

The rest of the gang rushed in behind them

Carmilla had just arrived.  Buffy could tell… even though she didn’t know… she could tell it was bad.

Apparently so could Laura. “Carm,” she said. “What’s wrong?”

Buffy felt her heart beating so hard, she looked down at her chest suddenly. She honestly wondered if they could see what she was feeling.  She was terrified now. This wasn’t the plan.  Something was wrong.  She could see it in Carmilla's face.

Carmilla swallowed.  “I…” she turned to Buffy.  It was probably easier, Buffy realized, not to deal with Laura. “Faith… she asked me. She needs you. Tara… she needs you. I need you to come back. All of you.” She made eye contact with the slayer.  “But especially you.”

Buffy’s heart raced even faster and she felt her pulse beating in her throat.  Fear. She noticed both Vampires exchange a glance. Angel sensed it. So did Carmilla. Neither said anything. “Did something happen?”

“The baby.  She’s sick.  It’s not something. Except maybe it is. I think it is. And she…" the vampire ran a hand through her hair, nervous. "They… I’m asking as a mother. Can you respect that?”

Buffy studied her.  She nodded slowly.  She knew she wasn’t lying, but you also knew, deep down that she couldn't trust this woman in front of her.

Apparently so did Kennedy, who shook her head.  “Why send you?  Where are the others? Xander call Dawn.”

Carm nodded.  “Yes call Dawn.  Please call Dawn.” The vampire took her phone out.  “Call Faith.” She shoved it at Buffy.  “Call her.  And you’ll see. Please.”

Buffy nodded, but the phone was locked. Carmilla swiped it and dialed the number. It was answered on the first ring.

“Mom?”

Buffy closed her eyes.  She heard panic in one word.  “It’s me, Faith.  Tell me what’s wrong.”

“B, please… she had another seizure. Just now.  I don’t care about any of this.  If you want them, take them… but come back. Because I can’t do this without you. I’ll do whatever you want. I promise.  I don’t give a fuck about any of this… what the fuck ever we’re doing. I’m sorry.  Just please…” If Carmilla sounded scared then Faith sounded petrified.

Buffy’s mind was reeling.  “Another seizure?”  She raised her eyebrow at the vamp.

Carmilla swallowed.  “I’m not staying here any longer.  I’ll get the witch to transport me back.  Make a decision.”

“It’s okay,” Buffy told Faith. “I’m coming.  It’s okay.  Don’t be scared.” Please don’t check out, she thought. She knew Faith. She knew what would happened. “I promise.”

“Okay,” Faith breathed.  “That’s… good.”

“Give us a few minutes and then I’ll be there.” Buffy said.  “Can you do that? Hold on for a few minutes?” she placated. 

Faith didn't get a chance to reply, as Carmilla snatched back the phone.  “Another seizure?  I don’t understand.”

“And neither do they fucking myriad of goddamn doctors standing around," they all heard Faith answer.

“Breathe.  We’re coming." Carmilla hung up.

Xander walked back in.  “They don’t know what it is, Buff.  Dawn says the doctors think it’s latent.  Like it’s always been there.  She’s sick.” He caught Carmilla’s eye.  “Really sick.”

“Send me, Angel.” Buffy said. She raised her eyebrow at the rest of them. She didn’t give one damn if any one in that room thought it was a trick or whatever… she was going.

“You’ve got to be kidding,” Danny smiled. “You know we’re going. Stop.”

Laura nodded at her.  She was watching Carm.  “Rachel’s okay?”

“Small miracles.  But she knew.  She knew Tara was sick. Before we did.”

Kennedy nodded.  “Logistics.  We can talk about that when we get there.  Angel?”

He shook his head.  “No, of course.  You know the drill. Close your eyes.”

Buffy saw the vampire take Laura's hand right before she closed her eyes.  She swallowed down the nausea she felt. 

* * *

Angle transported them to the lobby right outside of the infirmary.  Willow spotted them before they’d even opened their eyes apparently.

“Holy Goddess!” Willow squealed.  She jumped back and raised her hands.

"Dawn!" Buffy grabbed her sister.  “Did you not tell them?!?”

Dawn took her hand back and shook the feeling back into it. “Not a lot of time here, Buff.”

Faith shook her head.  She moved in between the two parties  “Fuck to the no.  Back off, Red. I don’t give two shits about this petty what the fuck ever we’re doing.  So everybody stand down.”

“Where is she?” Buffy asked the room.

“In there,” Giles answered.  “They asked us to leave.”  He sat down.  Buffy had never seem him look like that. He didn't even seem surprised, or actually happy, to see her.

“Why?” Danny asked.

 

No one answered her.  It was clear to Buffy that they didn’t know.

Laura was holding Buffy’s hand. Or maybe the other way around, the slayer wasn't sure. Buffy squeezed it hard and then jerked away quickly.  “Oh god, I’m sorry…”

“Stop,” Laura said, grabbing it back.

Buffy was about to ask them what the hell they were all just standing around for...

...and then Andrew walked out.

All four women rushed him.  He squealed and handed the baby to Buffy like a birthday present.

She heard Carmilla say, "useless."

“Yep,” Dawn agreed.

“Hey, baby,” Buffy cooed, ignoring them.  She kissed Rachel's neck. She couldn't believe she was holding her again.  And then she realized...  “We’ve missed you.”  She smiled at Laura and handed her the baby. 

Buffy noticed that Laura was pale but, Kennedy was closest too her.  Carmilla hadn’t noticed.  “Whoa. No fainting, sweet cheeks," Kennedy said. "Sit down.”

Buffy wasn't surprised that the normally babble-worthy girl couldn't speak. Danny and Kennedy squatted down in front of her and kissed the baby they never thought they’d see again.

The slayer noticed the vampire pretending not to notice.  Carmilla grabbed Andrew. “Go get a nurse. Someone to tell us what’s going on.”

Buffy watched her order them around. She also ignored it. She walked over to Faith. “Hey… hey… tell me what’s wrong.”

Faith nodded.  She looked... relieved.  Like she hadn't been really breathing.  Buffy'd seen her look like that a few times in the past.  It meant it was bad.  Something was bad.  She also knew that Faith was relieved because Buffy was back.  The slayer hoped that meant she could fix it.  But she couldn't seem to answer Buffy. 

So Carmilla did.  She relayed the entire story to them, filling in details.  Her words were rushed. Panicked.  It was a side of the vampire Buffy'd never seen.

“Let me go back to the firm.  We’ve got different research.  Maybe there’s something…”  Angel spoke first.

Buffy nodded thankful for someone moving and actually making a suggestion.

“Me too.  I mean, I can’t sit here and not…”  Willow spoke up.

“That’s… Is that okay?” Angel asked.

Buffy shrugged.  She couldn't give a damn what Willow did.  

“I’ll go too,” Laf said. 

Kennedy eyed them but Danny spoke first. “You know you hate research. Stay.  I’ll go.”

Angel grabbed them and pulled them into the lobby. Ken bent back down next to Laura. “You okay?  You’re looking a bit swoony.”

Laura nodded.  

Faith closed her eyes and took a breath and sat down next to Giles.

“I know you’re worried…” The watcher started. He trailed off and shook his head.

When the nurse came into the hallway, Buffy rushed her.  So did Carmilla.  

“Miss Summers,” Betty said.  “I wasn’t…”

Buffy motioned with her hand. She would deal with that later. “What’s going on? Either tell me or I’m going in there.”

The nurse looked at Carmilla.

Buffy snapped her fingers.  “Are you deaf?  Tell me!”

Carmilla nodded to the nurse. Buffy wanted to slap her.

“She’s stable.  Her heart rate dropped momentarily, but we were able to get fluids in her. She’s still very lethargic, but you can see her.”  The nurse eyed the room. “Maybe not all of you.”

Buffy glared at the rest of them. “Laura?”

She nodded.  Perry went to take the baby.  “No,” Laura growled.  Everyone but Buffy and Ken looked startled. She handed Rachel to Kennedy. Xander sat down beside her. Dawn followed suit. “Ken…” 

The slayer nodded.  “I’m not crazy.  Go on.”

Faith had already gone inside. Carmilla followed her.

Dr. Walsh noticed Buffy. “Miss Summers…”

Again, she'd deal with that later. “Save it… what’s wrong?”

There were tubes in her baby. What the hell were these people doing? Laura grabbed her arm.

“We don’t know.”

“And how many doctors do we need to call before you do?” Buffy asked.

Faith sighed.  “Please, B.  Just…”

Buffy warred with herself for a moment. She finally sighed and walked further into the room.

* * *

Carmilla’s head was swimming from the fear and other raw emotion in the room.  It was painful.  She shook it off and squatted by the bed.  “Is she responsive?”

The doctor waved her hand.  “I think you could probably answer that better than me.”

She heard Laura whisper something. “It’s okay,” it sounded like. She must’ve said it to Buffy. 

Carmilla ignored it. “Hey, little one,” she spoke softly. “Can you hear me? It’s Oma. How about we open those big green eyes so I can see?  Can you do that for me?”

Tara blinked softly as she tried to focus on Carmilla's voice. 

“There’s a girl.  You’ve got so many people here that want you to wake up. You can wake up, baby girl. I know you can.”

Tara stuck her bottom lip out and reached with her hand for Carmilla.

The doctor shrugged.  “I don’t understand it.”

Faith nodded back.

“Don’t understand what?” Laura asked.

Faith frowned.  “She doesn’t respond.  Not to anyone else.”

The vampire felt the tiny ball of slayer indignation squat down beside her.  Buffy touched the baby's hand softly  “Hi, sweet thing. It’s Mommy.”

Carmilla nodded. What else could she do?  “Do you hear your Mommy?  Open your eyes for her.  She’s missed you.”  Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Laura take Faith's hand.  She blinked the image away and turned back to the baby. “Tara, baby.  Open your eyes,” Carmilla said.  “Talk to her,” she told Buffy.

Carmilla expected a retort, but the slayer just nodded. Buffy focused on her daughter. “Hey, baby.  Can you look at me? We missed you.”

Tara opened her eyes again.  She tried to follow Buffy's voice, but she didn’t reach for her.  Her focus shifted quickly and then she reached for Carm again.

It was Laura who spoke. “Carm, come outside.”

Carmilla spun around.  “What?”

Laura frowned. “Please.  Let her try.  Just…”

Carmilla sighed, but stood up. Tara reached for her until she walked out. 

Laura took Rachel back from Kennedy. She turned to the vampire. “You.  Me.  Outside.”

Carmilla nodded, but looked back to the room. Giles and Dawn were blocking the door. She wanted to go back inside, but knew she had no choice, so she simply followed the girl out the door. 

* * *

Laura was expecting a moody baby. She thought if they came back, that’s what she’d get.  But Rachel was giggling and bouncing in her arms.  She felt like she was holding someone else’s baby.  She didn’t know what the next step was.  She was tired of guessing.  Tired of running. Tired of all these people and all these rules she didn't understand or even really care about anymore. She was just so tired.

“I know we need to talk, Laura,” Carmilla started. “But I just…”

Laura knew she was torn.  Hell, Laura was torn.  “You can’t.  Don’t take that away from her. Not if you can help it.  I don’t care what you think about Buffy.  About me. I know somewhere you’ve got a heart. I’ve seen it. So please, stand back. Just this once.”

Carmilla nodded.  It still drove Laura nuts how the vampire sometimes wouldn’t talk.

Rachel was patting Laura’s cheeks. She sat down on one of the benches and smelled the baby's neck.  “I don’t even know what to think.  They weren’t like this… Rachel she was always the needy one.  Tara was the bouncy baby.  It’s like we’ve spun into some alternate reality.  And god… I never thought I’d hold her again. Either of them.” She watched Carmilla and saw acknowledgement but no attempt to answer her. So she continued. “And this is not okay. It’s not.  This is not why you relent and let us back in. You do it because it’s the right thing to do. You do it because you want us here.” She pressed her forehead to the baby’s.  Rachel cooed.  “Do you have any idea what this has felt like? You’ve had them a month. And before then they were what? Some abstract idea? I can’t even explain to you…”

Carmilla bit her lip and looked away.

“Can you answer me?” Laura growled out. She hadn't forgotten how frustrating Carmilla could actually be.  “Just once can you even acknowledge that I’m sitting in front of you, pouring my heart out?  Please,” her voice faltered.  What she wanted was for Carmilla to say she missed her. To hold her.  She wasn’t holding her breath for that.

Carmilla ran her hand through her hair, before looking at Laura.  She sat down across from her, and leaned forward, elbows on her knees.  Rachel opened and closed her hand at her. Carm smiled and touched it, before looking Laura in the eye.  “I don’t know what to say.”

Laura groaned and pulled her daughter closer to her. “That isn’t good enough.” She bit her lip. “I missed you. Even after everything, I just…” She took a deep breath to calm herself.  “Having nothing to say isn’t good enough right now.”

Carmilla nodded and turned her head away from them again. “I understand that. I know you want some answer. Want me to tell you what?  We were duped? I don’t know that. I feel the same way. You’ve got to understand that.” She finally forced herself to make eye contact and Laura knew it was hard for her to be so open.  The vampire continued. “You left. Not me.  We didn’t want you to go. How do you think I feel, Laura? My world literally vanished in front of my eyes that day.  Do you even know what that’s like?”

“Yes,” Laura answered, looking at the baby. “I do.  I know exactly what that’s like.”

“I don’t know what’s right.  I didn’t ask for any of this.  You know who I am. Miss Apathetic, Wake Me Next Tuesday. Not…” Carmilla waved her hand around. “This… whatever this is.”

Laura sighed.  “And yet here you are.  In charge and holding all the cards.”  She laughed mirthlessly to herself. “I like Faith. And I feel sorry for her. Cause as much as my world is spinning out of control, her world is… Jesus, you show up after how many years?  Buffy's pregnant. It’s all too much.  But this isn’t about me.  And it’s not about Faith. I’m not an Alpha and neither is she. And I’m pretty sure she’d agree with me and say she doesn’t want to be. I bet she’d say she just wanted her life back. I know I do.” She put her chin on top of the baby’s head.  Rachel leaned back into her. For the first time since they'd returned, Laura felt like she was holding her little girl.  “I know none of us asked for this.  But most of us are floundering.  We're drowning. Everyone but you.  You and Buffy.”

Carmilla bristled.  “That's where the similarities between Buffy Summers and I…”

Laura shook her head.  “Stop.  I love Buffy. She’s been…” She shook her head. “You had Faith. You had everyone really. But Faith, she was familiar.  What did we have? Two poor girls who got caught in our whirlwind, and by the way they have been nothing but amazing, and each other. I wouldn’t have survived any of this without Buffy.  I didn’t even know her. But I realized when she called you… I realized I know her better than you.  Lived with her longer than you. She and Ken… Danny.  They pretty much kept me alive.  She loves Faith, Carm. I also know that.  She really loves her,” her voice faltered.

Carmilla bit her lip and shook her head. She wouldn’t look at Laura.

“And you can’t let it go.  What is it?  Is it Faith? Cause Faith loves her too. You can’t protect her from love, Carm.”

It was dark outside and Laura wasn’t sure but she thought Carm was crying. 

“Say something,” Laura whispered.

“What am I supposed to say?”

Laura sighed.  “I don’t know anymore. Say you missed me.  Say you hate me.  Say something besides,” she waved her arm around, “this whatever you’re doing here. Just don’t draw lines in the sand.  You choose Faith.  And I understand that. But don’t think I wouldn’t choose Buffy. Because I will every time.” 

* * *

“Ditto,” the slayer said walking outside. She reached for Rachel and the little girl perked up and jumped in her arms.  “Who are you?” She giggled.  “The happiest baby in the world?  We’ve missed you.”  Rachel giggled again. Buffy sat down next to Laura.

Carmilla was still looking away. Buffy knew she was crying.  The vampire was trying to hide it, but slayer senses were stronger.  It didn’t make her feel any better. 

“Where’s Faith?” Carmilla finally asked.

“Inside.  She’s about a hair’s breath away from either completely checking out or running. I think she wanted Tara to respond to me as much as I did.” Buffy kissed Rachel’s head.  “She didn’t.”

Carmilla nodded.  She had yet to look at either of them.

“Here’s what I do know,” Buffy announced. “I know we’re all scared. And we don’t trust each other. That’s a given, right? But… there’s two people in there right now that need us more than we need to fight.  So I’ll swallow my pride first.  My daughter needs you.  Faith needs one of us.  I help your daughter. You help mine.”

Carmilla did turn at that.  “I love her.”

Buffy nodded.  “I can see that.”

“I mean Tara,” the vampire clarified.

“I know,” Buffy answered.  And she did.  She wouldn't argue emotion she could very clearly see.  “I understand that.  I know that she loves you back.  Xander explained it.  And I saw it. I don’t know what happened. I don’t understand their personality shift.  Hell, I don’t care honestly.”  She hugged Rachel. “Dr. Walsh said you changed something. Tara’s listless now. When you left… she zoned out.”

Laura sighed.  “I want to go and…” She stood up and reached for the baby.  Buffy handed Rachel to her. 

Buffy took her hand. “Check on Ken.  She’s trying to be all strong but…”

Laura nodded.  “Let’s go see what Auntie Kenny is doing,” she sing-songed walking off.

Carmilla watched her go. “That was ballsy of her,” she noted.

“She’s pretty ballsy,” Buffy observed.

The vampire nodded.  “I’m well aware.”  She sat up and stretched her arms.  “I don’t know what to say to you.  Or even how to start.”

“Fair,” Buffy relented. She could respect the honesty at least. “I want you to help her.  I’m big enough to own that I can’t.”

Carmilla nodded.  “Then help Faith.”  She sighed.  “Please.”

“I never stopped loving Faith, you know.”

The vampire nodded again.  

Buffy closed her eyes. “Sometimes it seems like we all just want the same thing.”

Carmilla didn’t answer her. 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

Faith heard Laura come in the room. Faith was sitting in the chair that was pulled up next to the hospital crib.  Because, for whatever reason she was currently unaware of, the infirmary had hospital cribs.

“Hey,” Laura said softly. 

Faith turned around.  “Hey.”  She noticed the lack of baby.  “Where’s Rach?”

Laura smiled.  “Kennedy took her upstairs… I don’t know. Probably to force her to watch Orange is the New Black or something because she’s obsessed.  We seriously can’t get through the second season because she made us rewatch every freakin episode three times.”  She frowned.  “She better not be up there starting the next…”  She shook her head.  “Rambling, sorry.”

Out of everyone, even from the beginning, Faith knew she couldn't blame the girl.  How could she?  She was just a girl. A girl who’d accidently walked into one way, way fucked up life. 

“It’s cool,” Faith smiled back. “Where’s uh… B? And…”

Laura interrupted her.  “Outside.  I don’t know what they’re doing, and I honestly don’t care.” She pulled a chair up and sat down next to her.  She rubbed Tara’s hand.  “Do you?”

The slayer shook her head back. “Not at all.”

“Are you scared?” Laura asked softly.

Faith nodded.  She found it weird that… “Most people are too afraid to ask me questions like that.”

Laura shrugged.  “I’ve spent some time with your mother.”

“True,” Faith replied with a soft smile.  She touched Tara’s forehead.  She was just happy she was sleeping.  “Can I be honest?”

Laura nodded.  “I’d appreciate that actually.”

“Right,” Faith answered.  “I just… I don’t know what’s going on.  I don’t understand anything anymore.  I don’t know who’s right.  Who’s not.  And I really don’t care. I don’t know about you, but we haven’t been really living for a while.  Ever since I was I called, hell actually before I was called,  there’s always been something.  A prophecy.  A hell-god. Always someone wanting to kill or hurt or maim one of us.  Jesus, it’s sort of ridiculous. And I spent like most of the time, at least at first, just friggin trying to figure out who to trust.” She sighed.  “And I’m tired.  Like bone-tired. Like way the fuck over it tired.” She turned to look at Laura more fully. “Just about the only thing I do know is that some people are…”  She closed her eyes. She was not word girl. That was all B. “…I don’t blame you. I kinda never have. I’m sorry you got caught up in all this shit.  And then I’m not, cause Rachel and stuff.  But it’s not fair. And take it from someone who knows about just fucked up sitches.  I didn’t ask to be a slayer.  You didn’t ask for any of this either.”

Faith watched the girl’s face.  It was probably the most Laura had heard her talk. Hell it was the most she’d said in a while to anyone. 

Laura put a tentative hand on Faith’s shoulder. “Me too, if it helps.  I mean I don’t understand it.  I guess it’s just… like why does there have to be this… I don’t know…whatever this is?  Who drew these lines?”

“Not us,” Faith answered.  “I mean maybe at first… but…” She looked at the door and motioned with her head.  “We kind of let the two people who are probably out there killing each other right now lead the camps. That’s monumentally stupid, huh?”

Laura sat back and rubbed her eyes. “I know it’s hard,” she started. “I… I mean I’ve spent more time with Buffy than Carm.  That’s so weird to me for some reason. And I do love Buffy.  She’s honestly amazing, Faith.  She’s done so much for me… And she loves you.  She might not say that because she’s scared of… I don’t even really know anymore.  But she does. She mourned you. She blamed Carm. She kept saying that Faith wouldn’t do this…”

Faith laughed at the irony.  It was nothing if not funny.  And kind of getting fucking annoying.  “Wow.  Cause guess what my mom was spewing?”

Laura rolled her eyes.  “Something similar I bet.”

Faith nodded. She sighed because she knew what she had to do.  What they had to do. She just didn’t want to do it tonight. Tonight, she just wanted to stay in this room and not deal with all this petty bullshit that everyone seemed to be spewing but her and Laura. 

Apparently Laura could read her mind. “We’re gonna have to address it, huh?”

“Yeah.”

The girl scrunched up her nose. “But seriously, can we like not? At least for tonight?”

Okay now she was starting to think Laura could actually read minds.  “I was just thinking that. Like that exact thing. That’s all kinds of wicked weird.”

“I cannot imagine the amount of head spins we’d cause if you and I were the ones that…” Laura shook her head.  “…I don’t want to be on Roaming Around the World Team Anymore. And I bet you don’t want to on Roaming Around the Castle Team either.”

“Yeah.  I’m tired of the sides.”

Laura’s eyes lit up.  “Let’s be on the Faith and Laura team.  We could probably recruit others.”

That was the best idea the slayer had heard all day. And she’d heard a lot. “Oh Dawn and Xander would jump on. Perry.”

Laura nodded.  “And Danny.  Not sure about Ken.”

“Or Wills,” Faith added.  “Or Angel…”

Laura shook her head.  “I think he’d join.  So would Laf probably.”

Faith smiled at her.  “Giles just wants us all to shut up.  I don’t even know what Andrew does.”  She tilted her head.  “They tell you where you were sleeping?”

Laura shrugged.  “Ken said she’d take care of it.  I’ll probably just sleep in Rachel’s crib with her… cause you know, no magical powers or anything.  I’m sort of scared that someone will…”

Faith shook her head.  “No.  I talked to them while you were outside. Anyone so much as looks at you wrong and they will be in for a world of hurt and I mean that literally. Just come and get me. I told them to leave you be. And give you the biggest damn room in the castle.  And put the baby’s crib in there.  Perry and Andrew are getting you set up.  I figure Ken would want to be close or whatever but she’ll figure that out, I guess. And the bed...it's huge. So, you know, I don’t think anyone would blame you if Rachel slept with you.  I sure the hell wouldn’t.”

“Oh god, you’re awesome,” Laura cried. “Thank you.” She reached over and hugged her.

Faith hugged her back.  And she didn’t hug.  But whatever.  She was turning over a new leaf. 

* * *

 

After a few moments of quiet reflection (or avoiding - she wasn't sure,) Buffy followed Carmilla into the building. She noticed, once they got back inside, that everyone was gone from the lobby.

“That’s weird,” Buffy whispered.

Carmilla nodded, and then suddenly stopped about thirty feet from Tara’s room.  Buffy ran into the back of her. 

“Walk much?” She said, moving to go around her.

Carmilla grabbed her arm.  Buffy spun around defensively all set to rip the vampire's arm off.

“Stop,” Carmilla said with an eye-roll.  “Look,” she pointed into Tara’s room.

Buffy followed her gaze and saw Faith hugging Laura. Or Laura hugging Faith. She turned back to look at the vamp. “Uh, the last time I saw someone just hug Faith, they walked away with a sprained wrist.  So either something is wrong or they just became the fastest best friends on the planet.”

Carm rolled her eyes. “With the shitstorm that’s been this day, nothing would actually surprise me.  So I’m going with the latter.”

Buffy sighed because she knew she was right. “I know you’re staying down here tonight.  But so am I. And so is Faith.”

Carmilla nodded.

Buffy shrugged.  She was just telling her. 

 They waited until the weird hugging stopped before entering the room. 

When Laura saw them, she stood up. Buffy watched her watch the vamp. Carmilla just frowned and sat down in the seat Laura just vacated. 

Laura shook her head and walked back over to the bed. She kissed Tara’s cheek. “I’m going to bed.” She told Buffy.

Buffy nodded.  She knew she was tired.  How could she not be?  “Where’s Rachel?”

Buffy watched Carmilla flinch. It was obvious she’d wanted to ask the same thing.  Sometimes it amazed her how vampires honed their pride before almost anything else.

“With Kennedy,” Laura said.  “She said something about Netfilx and…”

“Oh hell no,” Buffy whined.  “I did not sit through every single one of those episodes three times for her to move on to the next season.” Kennedy and her damn obsession...

Laura rolled her eyes.  “She’d totally do it too.  Just to spoil it.”

And she would, Buffy thought. It was strange the new relationships they’d formed.  It hadn’t really hit her until they got back and she noticed the separation and anxiety they were all suffering. 

Faith and Carmilla were both listening, but neither turned around. 

When Laura yawned, Buffy rubbed her arm. “You’ve got to be tired. Did Ken get you a room?”

Laura shook her head.  “No.  Faith did. She said they put Rachel’s crib in there.  But that the bed was big enough, so you know… I’ll probably… I don’t know.  I figure Ken will sleep in there?”

The vampire did bristle at that. And Buffy caught Faith’s tiny smirk as well.

Buffy nodded.  “Well that was congenial of her, I guess.”  And a little weird.

Carmilla turned around.  She didn’t say anything, but if the look of complete disgust was any clue, the slayer could tell she definitely wanted to.

Faith smirked again.  “She wants to know why the hell Ken would sleep in the bed with you.  She’s just too proud to ask.” She tilted her head at them like what can you say…

Carmilla rolled her eyes and spun back around. She crossed her arms and huffed. So even vampires could pout? Buffy thought.  She almost said that Carmilla's sulking would give Spike a run for his money back in the day, but she thought better of it.

Laura frowned at the back of the pouting vampire's head. “We’ve sort of spent the last year in motel rooms. So, it’s kind of weird sleeping in a big bed all alone again.  I didn’t always sleep with Ken.  Sometimes I slept with Danny. Buffy and I didn't usually sleep together cause we're smaller and it would've been…”  She stopped herself suddenly.  “You guys do know I mean slept?  Not like slept/slept.  Or yeah like sleeping slept. But not  _slept_ ,” She emphasized.  She shook her head. “You know what I mean,” she mumbled.

Buffy smiled at her. She loved that Laura rambled and was still innocent enough to even get embarrassed when she realized she was doing it. “Go to bed.  It’s good.”  She realized suddenly that they had nothing here.  “Hey can you get Dawn or Andrew or I don’t care, whoever to bring me something to change into? And you can wear something of mine, unless Angel magicked our stuff here.  Which I highly doubt has even crossed his mind.”  She looked at Faith.  “Assuming I still have clothes here…”

“Actually we burned them in a bonfire.” Carmilla answered.

At that, Laura rolled her eyes.  Buffy chose not to respond, seeing as the situation itself was pissing the vampire off enough without her help.

Faith shook her head.  “They’re where you left them,” she told Buffy. She smiled at Laura. “Ken knows where they are.”

Laura nodded, grateful.  She hugged Buffy.  “Night,” she said.

“Good night.”

Laura smiled softly at Faith. “Good night, Faith.” She glanced at the baby.  “It’ll be better in the morning.  Get some rest.”

“You too,” she answered.

Laura frowned.  “Carm… uh, good night?" When the vampire didn't respond, Laura sighed.  "I guess I’ll uh… see you in the morning?” she trailed off.

Carmilla nodded but didn’t turn around. “Make sure the slayer doesn’t roll onto my child tonight.  Or you know there’s this novel idea of letting her sleep in the crib like she's supposed to. “

Faith smacked the hell out of Carmilla's arm. “What the hell is wrong with you?” She shrugged an understanding at Laura. “Go to bed.  No worries.”

Laura was still frowning.  She patted Buffy’s arm and walked out.

Buffy crossed her arms when she left. She caught Faith’s eye. She was trying to prompt her. It was not cool to stress Laura out, as far as she was concerned.

Faith saw her and sighed.  She turned to her mother.  “Stop being a jackass.  That was completely uncalled for.  Jesus.”

Carmilla ignored her and scooted her chair closer to Tara.  “I’m sleeping in this chair. I don’t know where the hell you two are gonna sleep,” she said. She rested her arms on the side of the crib that was moved down and put her chin on them 

Buffy waved to the chair in the corner that folded out into one of those awkward hospital cots.  “There.  Both of us. Cause Faith’s as exhausted as Laura.”

Carmilla raised her eyebrow at Faith.

Faith shrugged, stood up and kissed her daughter. “It’s not like I haven’t slept in tight spaces with B before,” she told her.

Carmilla groaned.  “There’s actually not an ounce of me that wants to know that.” 

* * *

 Perry and Andrew came running in a few minutes after Laura left, food and clothes in hand.  Buffy watched them. She got Kennedy. And Faith got a freaking second, female Andrew.  That definitely wasn’t fair.

Andrew ran over to Buffy.  The slayer had to admit she was glad to see him.  He handed her her clothes.  “I brought you pajamas.  And something to eat.  Laura said you guys had eaten earlier, but I know you.  So snacks.”

Buffy patted his cheek.  “I’ve missed you.”

Faith rolled her eyes at them.  “Then you should’ve took him with…”

Carmilla smacked Faith that time. “Watcha bring me, Andy boy?”

“PJs too, cause Dawn said Buffy would freak if you I brought your normal sleeping attire.”

Buffy could only imagine.  “Dawn was right about that.”

Andrew nodded to Buffy and then turned back to the vamp. “And blood bags, cause she also said you hadn’t eaten. Then she said they actually probably had some down here.  You know, with it being an infirmary.  And then Xander said yeah but maybe that was slayer blood and was that a good idea?  And then Dawn started talking about maybe researching what a slayer blood diet would do to a vampire long term... and I stopped listening.”  He handed the clothes and the bags to her. 

Meanwhile, Buffy watched the curly redhead with interest. She was handing Faith her clothes. “I’m not sure you’ve eaten since this morning.  Or even if you ate this morning actually.  I should keep better track.” She sat food down next to the slayer.

Carmilla rolled her eyes at the redhead's mothering.

“Fuck,” Faith answered Perry.  “There were some crackers somewhere earlier. I had a few.  I can still fucking feed myself, you know.”

The redhead bristled. Buffy thought it was because Faith was being ornery but... “I’m getting a swear jar.  And you’re putting bills, not coins in it, every time you swear around your daughter.”  She threw a blanket at Faith. 

Faith caught the blanket and winked. “And what the fuck would you do with all that money, Per?” 

Perry raised her eyebrow at Faith. “Retire. In Fiji.  Most likely within the next month or so.”

Faith chuckled.  “That’s fucking fair.”

“Ugh,” Perry moaned.  “Will you just eat something so I don’t worry about you too?” She patted the baby’s back.  “I can’t worry about Tara and worry about you.  It divides my attention and nothing will get done. And then you won't get fed.  Unless you want a steady diet of muffins because that's all this one cooks.”

Andrew looked offended.  "That's absolutely not true."

Carmilla rolled her eyes again. Buffy caught her eye. She just shook her head and mouthed, ‘Don’t ask.’

Faith smiled at Perry.  “I’ll eat, worrywart.  Scout’s honor.”

“Good,” Perry clucked her tongue. “Cause you’re losing weight.”

The next Carmilla eye-roll was massive. Buffy was just watching intrigued. She raised her eyebrow at Andrew.

“Don’t ask me,” he told the slayer.

“I am not losing weight.  Take that back,” Faith cried.  She looked down at her body and then leered at the redhead, “I’m as hot as I was when you moved in.”

Perry shook her head in an exasperated motion and completely ignored the leer. “Will you just eat and stop being petulant?”

Faith made a big show of opening something they’d brought her.  She dramatically shoved it in her mouth.  “Happy,” she mouthed around the food.

Perry sighed. “I suppose Mr. Giles is right and I can’t ask for miracles.  But don’t talk with your mouth full either.”

Faith saluted her and winked.

Buffy was whigged out.  She had no idea what to think in that moment.

Perry nodded.  She and Andrew both turned to go.  “Sleep well,” Perry said, eyeing the room.  “I’m not sure where you’re going to do it.  But I’m over arguing with you.”

Faith tilted her head.  “No you’re fucking not.”

“Hmmph,” Perry tutted and spun around and out the door. Andy hot on her heels.

“You just weirded Buffy out,” Carmilla said. “And me too actually.”

Buffy just nodded.

Faith shrugged at them and stepped into the adjoining bathroom to change.  “You’re crazy. She’s like Andrew, but way, way better. She’s the best thing to pop into this castle.”

Carmilla looked at Buffy and shook her head. “Andrew just brings me things. He never tells me what to do.”

 “Faith likes to be told what to do,” Buffy replied.

 True,” the vamp said.

 "I can fucking hear you guys, you know,” Faith called through the door.

* * *

After changing and forcing themselves to eat, both slayers kissed Tara good night.  Faith eyed the cot.  She honestly didn’t mind sleeping with Buffy.  If she slept. She wasn’t sure that she could. She was tired, but…

She looked at Carmilla.  She was lying with her head on the baby’s bed. She was moving her lips, but Faith couldn’t hear what she was saying.  “Will you let me get you one of these chairs?” Faith asked her. “And don’t give me that vampire constitution bullshit.  You haven’t slept a full night in weeks.”

Buffy stopped folding the blanket she had in her hands. “Why?”

Faith studied her face.  Sometimes B asked questions cause she just wanted to know. Sometimes cause she wanted to argue. Faith didn’t want to argue. And by the look on Buffy’s face, neither did she.

Faith shrugged.  “Because when the babies woke, she’d go first. We all woke up, I mean, but she’d just tell us to go back to bed.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes at them but didn’t move. “I'm faster and it's not like you actually listen to me.” She hadn’t moved. “And I’m fine. I’ve slept in way worse places. Trust me.”

Buffy frowned at Faith.  She turned and walked out of the room.

Carmilla sat up.  “What the hell is she doing?”

“Getting you one of these chairs.” She told her. “So say thanks and take the offer.”

Buffy was back pretty quickly. She shoved the chair inside. “We can’t have you less than… well whatever it is that you are.” She motioned her head to the baby. “She needs you. So…”

Faith was more than proud of her. That was almost nice in light of everything else. 

Carmilla studied the slayer for a second and then stood up and let her move the cot next to the bed.  Buffy handed her a blanket. 

Faith moved the lower portion of the chair out, but left the back sitting up before she sat down.  She patted the spot beside her.  She was glad Buffy was little cause there was no way just about anyone else would fit on that chair with her. 

The nurse walked in the room. “Just checking on her.” She moved around the crib and checked the monitor and tiny IV line they had in her hand. She took a diaper out of the small cabinet beside her. 

“Have you heard anything?” Buffy asked.

The nurse shook her head.  “No.  We’ve sent some samples to Willow in L.A.  Or she sent for them.  But she said it may take some time…”

Carmilla rubbed the little girl’s hand. The IV line ran across the top. “When do you think you will take that out? It looks painful.” 

“In the morning,” the nurse answered. She inspected the line. “She’s pulled at it a bit.” She bent over and began to adjust it. “I don’t want to start another one, because you’re right.  It’s painful…”

The baby woke up suddenly screaming.   All three of them moved.

The nurse shook her head.  “It hurts.  But that will hurt more,” she told them. 

Carmilla bent down.  “It hurts, doesn’t it?  It’s okay, sweetie.” 

The nurse fixed the IV through Tara’s fussing. “You should try to give her the bottle. The doctor thinks you might be more successful than we were earlier.”  She handed the bottle to the vampire and moved the IV stand to the other side of the bed so Carmilla could pick her up.

Faith felt Buffy stiffen beside her. She got it.  She felt the same way sometimes. She rubbed B's knee. Buffy breathed and nodded her head.

Tara stopped crying immediately when Carmilla picked her up.  She put her hand against Carmilla’s face.  As soon as she gave the baby the bottle, Tara’s hands moved to take it, but the nurse was probably right and one of her hands hurt.  So she dropped them and let Carm hold it.

“That’s good,” the nurse smiled at them. “I’ll let you get some rest. You can hold her. I know you won’t hurt her. But if you get sleepy, just lay her back down.  She’ll settle in.”

Faith wanted to groan.  She knew that her mother wouldn’t put the baby back in that crib if she didn’t have to.  And now she wouldn’t sleep.  Again. She felt like throttling the nurse, but thought that might not go over well, all things considered.

Carmilla was whispering to the baby. Faith didn’t have the energy to try to hear her. 

“Do you want to lay this back?” Buffy asked her softly, knocking her out of her thoughts.

Faith shrugged.  “I don’t care.”

Buffy nodded and sat back against the back of the chair. 

They watched Carmilla for a while but the vampire was utterly ignoring the both of them, completely happy to whisper in German to the baby. 

“Can I ask you something?” Faith finally said. “You don’t have to tell me, cause I get why you wouldn’t.  But I’m over ulterior motives, B.  I don’t have any. I’m not sure that I ever did.”

Buffy nodded. “What do you want to know?”

So much, Faith thought.  Did she miss her?  What happened?  With Ken? Faith felt like maybe… she didn’t even know.  Ken had avoided her almost specifically since she’d gotten back.  She wasn’t sure why. 

Faith closed her eyes.  “Now I don’t even know what to ask.” She frowned. “I just, I’m getting this vibe from Kennedy. Or lack thereof.  She hasn’t even… I mean I get she had loyalties or whatever, but she was sort of _my_ friend.  I don’t understand.”

Faith caught her mother’s quirked eyebrow. Carmilla had stopped whispering to the baby. Faith wasn’t sure if Buffy noticed.

Buffy frowned back.  “What are you asking?  If we were… do you really think that?”

Faith shook her head.  Even if she was lying.

Buffy turned further towards her. “It wasn’t like that. And even if any of us wanted it to be… _which we didn’t_ ,” she stressed louder than necessary.  Most likely for the vampire across the room, “Laura told you… we always slept in one motel room. We moved constantly.”

“Okay,” Faith answered. 

She watched Buffy’s face.  The emotions that warred across it.  “Did you stop loving me?  When I was gone?” 

Faith gave her ‘what the fuck do you think’ face. “I’ve kinda loved you like half my life, B.  So no… no, I didn’t.”

Buffy closed her eyes.  “Then why would you think I would stop loving you?”

Faith didn’t answer her.  She didn't say because it was different.  It had always been different, hadn't it?

Buffy bit her bottom lip.  “Faith?”

“Because she’s insecure,” Carmilla said from across the room.

Buffy side-eyed her. 

“Seriously?” Faith asked her mother.

Carmilla shrugged.  “You gonna have this conversation in the room with me, I’m participating.”

“No you aren’t,” Faith said.  What the hell was wrong with her mother?  She groaned.

“I know that,” Buffy finally answered the vampire.

“I’m afraid you’re going to take them. Going to leave. And I’d fucking let you. Do you understand that?” Fiath finally asked Buffy.

“I wouldn’t,” Carmilla added.

“I’m aware,” Buffy answered Carm first. She frowned at Faith. “Do you think that’s what I want?  Are you crazy?”

“Sometimes,” Faith shrugged.  “You sort of know that.”

“And that was a rhetorical question, F," Buffy replied. “I don’t want to be anywhere but here. I don’t know what’s going on. And neither do any of you.  But in light of everything today… I think we can all agree to put that conversation on the back burner, right?"

“Is that rhetorical?” Faith questioned.

Buffy rolled her eyes.  “Yes, smartass.”  She sighed. “How do we fix this? How do I fix this?”

Faith wasn’t sure what she meant. “What do you need to fix?”

Buffy moaned, obviously exasperated. She rubbed the bridge of her nose.

“For the love of God, this is painful,” Carmilla interjected.  “Can I say something?”

“If we say no, is that gonna stop you?” Buffy asked.

Ha. Faith thought.  Yeah, right. “No,” Faith answered for her mother. She motioned with her hand for Carm to continue.

Carmilla looked down at the baby she was holding. “Do you see what you two created here? I mean really see? She’s perfect, huh? I know I was absent for so much of you life, but I haven’t been in the dark,” she told her daughter. “I knew what was going on. Always have.  And though Buffy may want to stake me, and I would rather gouge my eyes out than say this normally... ugh, take what she’s offering, Faith. She does love you. She may have a fucking dumbass way of showing it, but… Laura told me that Buffy missed you. She didn’t want…" Carmilla sighed and Faith knew how hard this actually was for her. "Buffy swallowed her pride earlier. So I’ll swallow mine now. Work it out, firecracker.”

Faith closed her eyes.  Somewhere inside of her she just wanted her mother’s approval. She always had.

She felt Buffy put her arm around her shoulders. “I love you, Faith. You know that. Deep down, I know you do.”

She nodded and put her head on Buffy’s shoulder. “I do.”

Buffy kissed the side of her head."And I won't try to kill your mother. Unless I have to," Buffy snarked. Faith felt her take a deep breath and sigh softly.  “Carmilla, Laura…” B shook her head.

Carmilla sighed.  “I know what you’re going to say, and you don’t need to say it. It’s a different deal and there's nothing about my situation that you could begin to understood.”

“Really?  Because I haven't known any vampires before?  You're situation isn't unique.” Buffy asked.  “And I know Laura.  I’ve spent every moment, waking and sleeping with her, for over a year. I know her.  As well as I know anyone here.”

“You’ve both made that point clear,” Carmilla stated.

“Listen to her,” Faith tried. It was irritating to watch how stubborn Carmilla could be.  She wondered if she was that stubborn? 

“I don’t particularly want to,” her mother answered.

Faith shook her head.  “Well you won’t leave.  And though you probably don't want to hear it, she's as fucking stubborn as you are, so she's just gonna say it. Sucks.”

Buffy smiled at her, before turning back to the vampire.  “She’s right I am.” She watched the woman holding her child for a moment before continuing. “How can you not see that you have the same thing?  Do you understand how lucky you are?  I don’t care how long you’ve lived.  How often does someone like that just come around?”

Carmilla turned her head.  Faith noticed how tired she looked.  She didn’t answer the slayer.

So Buffy continued, "And Laura’s just a girl.  She doesn’t have the years of experience we have.  And definitely not the years you’ve had.  And yet she’s been nothing but capable of rolling with every punch she’s been thrown.  Do you understand what it takes for her to come back here?  Even with the babies here?  To walk into a place where everyone, at least as far as she knew, thought she was an enemy? Treated her like one? The trust that she has to sleep here… it’s impressive on its own.  And I know that she tried, because I know her.  She wanted to talk to you because she missed you too.  What more does she have to do?  She stands to lose so much more than anyone else. She doesn’t have anything backing her but an honest-to-God goodness that is sort of awe-inspiring. And it can all be taken away so easily and what would she have left… She's not going to stay that understanding forever. How could she?  How could anybody live the life we live and stay that innocent?”  Buffy bit her lip and Faith honestly thought she might cry. 

A different Faith would have been jealous, but she liked Laura.  And she knew Buffy loved her and that made her incredibly proud of B. 

“You’d break her,” Buffy said quietly.

Faith realized she was crying. She kissed the side of her head. “It’s awesome that you care about her, B.  Honestly.” Buffy didn’t cry over things like this. Not often.  Or really ever, Faith mused.

Buffy nodded and wiped her cheek. “You have a daughter upstairs. How can you look at her and not see Laura?  How can you turn away from the only person, besides Faith, that loves you like that? She put every trust she had in you the day you crossed whatever line you crossed from roommate to more. I know she’s not perfect. But she may be the closest thing we have to it in this castle that isn’t five months old.”  Buffy sniffed again.  But she didn’t say anything else.

Faith watched her mother.  She wasn’t looking at them.  She was looking at the baby.  Carmilla had years upon years on them. She knew how to be silent. It drove Faith crazy how well sometimes. And she knew, her mother was supposed to be the strong one.  Carmilla had also learned not to trust most people easily.  Or at all.  She debated speaking up, but she knew it wouldn’t work in the end.

It was quiet, but it wasn’t dark in the room. Faith watched her mother, watching her daughter and she saw her chest hitch.  Just once, but it was enough.  Faith got up.

“Hey,” Faith whispered, bending down in front of her. She kissed the baby’s head.  “We don’t have to figure it all out tonight.”  She turned around and looked at Buffy.

“Of course not,” Buffy added. “I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have…”

“It’s fine,” Carmilla said.  Her voice hitched.  “I know. I know all of that. I understand what you’re saying. And I’m not supposed to be the scared one, but… I am.  I’ll outlive all of you,” she whispered.  “You.” She told Faith. “Them,” she motioned to the baby. “Laura… I don’t know that I can think about it without…”  She shivered.

“Then we don’t…”Buffy relented. “We don't think about it, I mean. Not right now. Let’s figure out the stuff that we have to figure out. And then… You can decide what you want.  How you want it.”

Carmilla nodded.  She looked away from Faith, but Faith could see tears on her cheek.

Faith stood up and kissed her cheek. “You know you really are the best mom in the world.  Even if you look young enough to be… you know, like my younger sister.”

Carmilla bit her lip, but nodded her thanks.

“Let’s rest,” Faith told her. She sat back down next to Buffy. “And thank you for Tara too. You know for being like the best grandma in the world too.”

“Oma,” Carmilla groaned.  “You’re an ass sometimes.”

Faith shrugged.  She closed her eyes.  “Night, granny.”

“If I weren’t holding Tara, I’d…”

“You’d what?” Faith challenged, opening one eye.

“I…  ugh… I wouldn’t do a damn thing.” She moaned.  “Go to sleep or I’m telling Buffy a couple of really embarrassing stories I have I filed away.” 

“Oh please do,” Buffy said.

“You win,” Faith held her hands up in the air. She leaned the chair back. “You win.”

“Thank you,” her mother muttered.

Faith didn’t bother sitting back up. But she did raise her hand and flip her mother off.

 


	12. Chapter 12

Laura woke to a soft knocking on the door. She jumped up, unaware of why the room was so gigantic.  She’d spent so many nights in motel room. And motel rooms weren’t big.  She wondered if she would ever get over the feeling of being homeless.

She knew Kennedy heard the knocking because she heard her moan.  “It’s for you.” 

Laura still couldn’t understand how slayers could sense each other.  Or maybe it was Carm? She could sense vampires too, right? 

Rachel was sleeping in the middle of the biggest bed Laura had slept in in a year.  They’d placed pillows around the baby, but they were both so exhausted that neither of them moved all night.  She climbed out of the bed, careful not to wake her.  “That freaks me out, Ken,” Laura said.

Kennedy, who’d grabbed a pillow and put it over her head, waved her hand in the air.  “It also comes in handy, sweet cheeks,” she muttered, turning on her side.

Laura stepped softly to the door and opened it.

“Hey,” Faith whispered.  “Did I wake you?”

Laura shook her head and briefly wondered what time it was.  She stepped into the hallway and closed the door behind her.

“Oh fuck, I’m sorry,” Faith whispered again. “Just cause I can’t sleep… Shit, it’s seven and you are probably wiped.”

Laura smiled at her. She really wasn’t sure why everyone was so afraid of Faith.  The girl was, as far as she could tell, the sweetest person in the castle. “It’s okay. Is everything okay?”

“Oh yeah,” Faith nodded back. “Everything’s fine.”

“Where’s Buffy?”

“Downstairs.  I think she fell asleep after me.”  Faith frowned. She must’ve noticed Laura’s questioning eyes, because she continued, “it wasn’t bad or anything. Just… you know, kind of a long night.”

“Is Carmilla asleep?  Cause that’s gonna be weird I bet…” Laura sighed. “If they wake up and you’re gone.”

“She was asleep when I left,” Faith shrugged. “They talked.  A little.  I mean, I don’t think they’re best friends or even like, tolerable acquaintances. In fact, I’m pretty sure they still hate each other, but neither of them is going to murder the other. First of all, they know I’d be pissed. And second of all…” She shook her head. “…nah, ain’t no second.”

Laura smiled at that.  “So the baby’s okay?”

“Yeah.  I just wanted to talk to you about maybe… I don’t know… I just want this to be over. Today.”

Laura’s heart leapt.  She couldn’t leave Rachel again.  She wouldn’t.  Surely Faith wouldn’t ask her to leave her daughter.

Faith must’ve noticed Laura’s fear. “No, I don’t mean that. You aren’t going anywhere. Hell, I would throw everyone else out of this castle, painfully, if they tried that.”  She shook her head.  “No, I just mean that I don’t want to walk around not knowing… you know? We need to talk. Like all of us. Well,” she mused, “the ones of us still in the castle.” She seemed to be thinking. “Maybe we should wait?”

Laura thought about it.  Should they?  “No,” she said. “Carm and Buffy are the ones who are doing… uh, whatever they’re doing.  I think they’re the ones that have to see that no one else wants this.”

Faith nodded back.  “Agreed.” She stepped around Laura and opened the door. She knew Ken was awake, Laura figured. “Meeting.  Nine o’clock,” Faith whispered menacingly into the room. “Mandatory.”

“Only reason I’m coming is cause Laura’s going,” Ken answered, flipping her off.  She never moved the pillow off her head.

“I don’t give a shit why you come,” Faith growled quietly. And Laura knew exactly why people were scared of Faith in that moment. “Just have your stupid ass there.”

Laura saw this disintegrating quickly, so she moved around Faith and stood in the door, blocking the entrance. “We’ll be there.” She frowned suddenly. “Are you telling them or…”

“No,” Faith interrupted.  “I think we should talk to the others first.”

Laura thought that was probably a good idea.

* * *

 Everyone was functional by nine and standing in the library when Faith and Laura entered.  Well everyone but Buffy and Carmilla.  When Faith caught Dawn’s nod and Xander’s shrug, she knew they understood why.

 “So,” the slayer started.  She was holding Rachel. She shifted her to her waist. “We need to get this shit straight.  I think you have a pretty good idea of why we’ve asked you to meet us?”

Perry handed her a muffin and a cup of coffee. “Eat.”  She turned to Laura.  “You too.  Ugh. How much weight have you lost?”

“Don’t answer her.” Faith warned her. “Seriously.”

Laura shoved the muffin in her mouth. “None,” she muttered around it. “See,” she said after swallowing. She lifted her shirt. "Look at my abs.  I work out. So, I’m good.  I eat. So no worrying.” Faith chanced a glance, and yep... she'd did.

 Perry rolled her eyes and crossed her arms at the pair.

Faith noticed Kennedy was incredibly uncomfortable but couldn’t find it in herself to care.  She knew what B had said.  She knew that nothing had happened. But Kennedy had been the one to spirit the love of her life out of this castle.  Kennedy. Her best friend.  And sometimes the only reason she hadn’t hightailed it the fuck out of this country. So she ignored her. She sat down on the table in the front of the room. “Laura and I were talking and we think that we should stop…”

“Don’t bother,” Dawn said, yawning. She was still in her pajamas. “We all agree,” she said, before looking around the room and making sure that everyone, in fact, did agree with her presumptuous ass.

Laura turned to Kennedy.  “I don’t want this,” She waved her arm around. “Us and them anymore. Do you?”

Ken frowned. Faith watched several emotions cross her face, before she schooled it and turned her attention to her fellow slayer. “What do you think, Faith? Think I should just roll over?” She asked.

Faith studied her for a moment longer. She knew how this could turn out.  And there was no way she wanted to escalate anything.  “You the one’s been ignoring me.  Not the other way around.”

Ken sighed. “That’s fair. But I’m not sorry for what I did,” she told Faith. “And I’d do it again.  But… I mean, you guys are right. This needs to end.  Like six months ago needs to end.”

Laura smiled softly and patted the woman’s arm.

“Giles?” Faith asked.

The watcher was nodding.  Distracted. Faith knew he was looking for a way to help. Looking for what was wrong with Tara. “Yes, yes.  I completely agree. We need to work together to find out what is occurring.  Not fight. We all want what’s in the girls’ best interest.  I suppose if we find that we can’t trust someone… well, we deal with it then.”

Faith sighed, because she knew that would sound like a challenge to Kennedy.

And it did. “How you gonna deal with us, G?” Ken asked. “Kick us out and take their babies?”

“No one’s kicking anyone out,” Faith said, still trying to keep the peace.  “We know how you feel about them.  I get you feel weirded out.  I know I would feel the same way.  Hell I have when it comes to this gang, but… we want you here.  You belong here.  Okay?” She patted her on the arm, and handed the baby to Kennedy.

Ken nodded, hugged Rachel to her, and looked away.

And then, much like the two women downstairs, Faith decided to try swallowing some pride. “And I missed you,” she said. She smiled at the baby and blew her a kiss.

Kennedy spun her head around. “Who are you?”

Faith looked confused. “Huh?”

Kennedy smirked.  “Who are you?  Did you people replace my ex-best friend with a sappy, love puppy? Cause fuck that; I’m out. I can’t watch that shit.  I just saw you make a kissy face at the baby.  I may need therapy.”

Faith rolled her eyes. “Screw you,” she muttered.

“Aw fuck it,” Ken said.  “I missed your broody ass too.” She answered. “But if you try and hug me, I will set you on fire.”

“I’d set myself on fire.” Faith deadpanned.

Dawn clapped her hands.  “Just like old times.” She looked around the room. “So everyone is on the same page, right?”

The Watcher, Betty Crocker, Mary Poppins, and Cyclops all nodded.

“Good,” Dawn answered.  “Who's the lucky ducky that gets to tell the other two? Cause they'll probably rip them in half.” Faith hated how Dawn was the fucking voice of reason in times like these.

“Maybe one of us should go get them?” Andrew suggested.

Xander cleared his throat.  “Ummm then this looks like an interventiony type meeting. I’m not so sure they are gonna take kindly to the ‘we’re in a secret club and you aren’t’ intervention.”

“We _are_ asking them to join,” Faith played along.

“Ha,” Dawn answered.  “You can’t ask them to join.  They want to lead. They’re gonna be pissed we met like this.”

Faith rolled her eyes.  “Andy go get them,” she said.  If they were going to rip anyone in half, he was the most expendable, she reasoned.  “Tell them the baby will be fine for the fifteen minutes Laura and I need to speak to them, since you know… eight thousand nurses and slayers down there.”

He nodded and scurried to the door.

“But don’t tell them why!” Faith called after him as he was barreling out of it.

“Good call,” Ken said.

“Yes,” Perry interjected.  “Sometimes Faith is much smarter than she looks. Rarely.  But sometimes.”

Ken nodded her head in appreciation.

“Fuck you, Curly Sue.”

“Swear jar!” Perry cried.

* * *

 Carmilla rolled her head to the side, and realized where she was.  She shot up immediately. Tara was lying in the crib next to her, sucking her thumb and staring at the vampire.  “Good morning,” she whispered.

Tara reached out for her and Carmilla picked her up. She noticed a bottle next to the crib, and realized the nurse had been in to feed the baby. She couldn’t believe the three of them hadn’t heard her. 

Two of them, she thought, as she noticed Faith was missing then. 

“Slayer,” she said.  “Wake up.”

She watched Buffy turn over and pull the pillow over her head.  “Shut up,” she mumbled.

Carmilla rolled her eyes and pulled the baby closer to her.  “Well then tell Faith to wake up.”

Buffy ripped the pillow off and groaned. “Faith, wake…” She sat up suddenly. “Where’s Faith?”

God, this was the woman her daughter wanted to spend the rest of her life with. “I don’t know,” the vampire said.

Buffy stood up and shot the vampire a glare. She moved over to them and touched Tara’s cheek. “Good morning,” she whispered.

Carmilla didn’t reply because she figured she wasn’t talking to her. 

“So really… where’s Faith?” Buffy asked again.

“I just told you I don’t know,” Carmilla answered her. She watched the slayer sit down beside her. “You didn’t hear her leave?”

Buffy yawned.  “No.  That’s weird. Thank we should go…” She turned to look at the door.  “I mean she’s still in the castle cause I can feel her, but…”

Good, Carmilla thought.  “Then you should probably go find her.” Maybe she could get rid of the slayer.  She certainly had reached her quota as far as Buffy/Carmilla time went.

Buffy studied her face.  She bent closer and smiled at Tara.  She held her hands out tentatively. 

Carmilla watched her like she was mad. If the slayer thought she was handing over the baby to her she was absolutely crazier than Carmilla gave her credit for.

Tara yawned and leaned forward a little almost like she wanted Buffy to hold her.  She even put her arms out for a few seconds. Buffy clapped her hands and the baby leaned further.  “She wants to come to me.”

Carmilla wasn’t so sure about that. She’d just woken up and probably didn’t care who was holding her. At least that was what she told herself.  “I don’t think so.”

“Let me hold her,” the slayer challenged.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. She’s sick. And she…”

“Stop,” Buffy cut her off.  “She’s my daughter.  Not yours.”

For whatever reason, the words and the way she said them hurt.  Carmilla sat further back. “She’s fine where she is.”

“Give me my baby,” Buffy said. She stood up.

Carmilla hugged Tara closer to her. “Are you actually going to be this petulant?  I understand that it works with the rest of those dimwits upstairs, but I don’t really like you. So childish intimidation isn’t gonna work.”

The slayer’s face was turning red. “I don’t know what your game is. I want to hold my daughter. She obviously reached out for me. And she’s… you know, my daughter,” she growled.

Carmilla raised her eyebrow at her and then suddenly shrugged and swiveled around in the chair, putting her back to the woman.

“Oh my god,” Buffy said.  She stalked closer.  She was leaning into Carmilla’s space. “Talk about petulant. You’ve got to be kidding me if you think that you can just…”

“Buffy!”

Both girls spun around at the intruder.

“Faith and Laura want to talk to you two in the library,” Andrew said.  He looked back and forth between the two of them.  “You weren’t going to fight; were you?”

Both women rolled their eyes.

“What do _Faith_ and _Laura_ want?” Carmilla asked, trilling their names.  It sounded a hell of a lot like an ambush.  “And why are they together?”

Buffy crossed her arms and waited for his answer.

He shrugged unconvincingly.  “Uh… I don’t really know.  Faith yells at me.  I do what she says. “

“I’m not leaving the baby.” Carmilla said.

“Neither am I then,” Buffy added.

One of the nurses came into the room. “You both are, actually. We’re drawing more blood, per Willow’s instructions.  And I don’t want to die when she cries.  So you’re gonna have to scoot for about fifteen minutes or so.”

If this nurse thought she was getting rid of her that easy, Carmilla thought, she would just kill her. She figured Faith could forgive her that one.

The nurse looked at her.  “I’m not joking.  We have to draw blood.  And she will cry. If you don’t leave, I’m not going to do it. And then the witch will be angry and they won’t be able to run the tests they want to run and then we’ll be no closer to an answer.” She frowned. “And then it will be your fault,” she told the pair.

“Fine,” Carmilla huffed.  “Fifteen minutes,” she growled, following the other two out.

* * *

Laura bit her lip.  She sat in-between Kennedy and Faith, who were, at this point, arguing across her about the merits of weaponry in the seemingly never-ending crossbow versus sword debate. 

“You just don’t know how to use a crossbow,” Kennedy grunted, crossing her arms. 

Laura turned to see what Faith would say. She wasn’t disappointed when the slayer growled, “Okay, well first of all that’s bullshit.  I was using a crossbow while some nanny was wiping your toddler ass in that stupid mansion you grew up in.”

“You are five years older than me,” Kennedy retorted. “So that’s stupid. You’re stupid. I forgot how fucking stupid you are.”

“You’re just jealous,” Faith told her. Apparently she was referencing some weapon she’d picked up in Japan. 

Laura again turned back to see what Ken would say to that. 

“Right, I’m jealous of your stupidity. You’re like an idiot savant, aren’t you?”

Faith shrugged.  “Call me what you want; I’m still the one with the blade, bitch.”

“Oh my god,” Dawn cried.  “It’s like you fucking never left.”  She rolled her eyes at Kennedy. 

“I can’t help it Faith is still stupid,” Ken told her.

Dawn shrugged at that. “Fair.”

“Thanks, brat,” Faith sneered at her.

Laura watched the entire conversation like a tennis match. They had been verbally sparring the entire time they’d been in there. Apparently the original Scotland gang was more than used it.  Perry was too busy dusting something. Giles was reading. And Dawn and Xander were playing some ridiculously intricate game of peekaboo with Rachel, which had something to do with Xander having only one eye. Laura stopped trying to figure it out.

“They’re right in there,” Andrew not so subtly spoke outside the door.

Everyone looked up, but didn’t move, as Buffy and Carmilla both walked into the room.

The two women stopped suddenly when they saw that everyone was in there.  It was weird honestly. The twin movement. And it was evident that they both realized they were being…

“Ambushed?” Buffy asked.  “Seriously?  What is this?”

Carmilla crossed her arms and eyed her eldest daughter. She didn’t speak, but Laura could almost hear the unhappiness rolling off her.

It was strange because no one spoke. Maybe they should have talked about what they were going to say, Laura thought, instead of arguing over medieval weaponry and playing with the baby. Hindsight, she figured.

Carmilla looked around the room, making eye contact with each one of them.  Well most of them.  She specifically didn’t look at Laura or Ken.  And it was kind of weird how everyone seemed… Laura couldn’t tell… like to defer to her or something. 

Buffy mirrored the vampire movements. Even crossing her arms. And she got pretty much the same reaction in return. Right, Laura mused.  So this is why we called the meeting in the first place, she thought.

Laura didn’t think she was going to have to be the one to do it, but what choice did she have.  Even Faith looked, well… like she didn’t know how to start. And maybe she was the one who was supposed to do it.  She was the one who stood to lose the most if this didn’t go the right way.

Laura stood up and the action alone changed the atmosphere of the room from scared or apprehensive to just confused. But no one said anything. At least Carm was forced to look at her now.

“So, we wanted to talk to you two,” Laura began.

Buffy nodded.  She didn’t look mad.  She looked perplexed. 

Carmilla was scowling.  She prompted for Laura to continue with her hand.

Laura nodded.  “We know it isn’t ideal… well, for a few people or whatever, but… we, uh… we don’t want to do this anymore.  Like whatever we’ve been doing.  Running. Or fighting.  Or choosing sides.  It seems silly now.  Like it’s a game and we don’t even know why we’ve been playing.” She hesitated.  “Or I mean, I don’t anyway.”

However the rest of the room, save the two women at the front, were all nodding their heads in agreement.

So Laura continued.  “I know things are different and that both sides made choices that were probably less than rational.  But we’re bowing out.  Until something changes or tells us otherwise, we’re all going to have to cohabitate in some fashion. No one wants to leave either of the girls and we don’t want to separate them.”  She smiled at Faith. 

Faith stood beside her.  Laura felt a lot better then since no one had spoken.

“I know that the two of you can get along cause I saw just that last night… but I also know the two of you. And so does Laura. And I know what will happen once Tara gets better.  So we’re all saying it. We aren’t choosing sides. Not anymore.” Faith crossed her arms, mirroring her mother.

“What you saw last night, sweetie, was me placating your honey. But it doesn’t matter one way or the other because I’m not leaving the castle,” Carmilla finally said.  “Not without both girls.”

Buffy huffed so loud, half the room jumped. “You wouldn’t get fifteen feet before I staked you.”

“Oh we’d see,” Carmilla sneered.

Buffy turned to Faith.  “I’m not leaving either.”

Half the room groaned.  Laura wondered if they even understood what the rest of them were saying.

“No one said either of you were leaving. That’s the point. No one is leaving,” Faith said. “Why are you not listening?”

"Basically you said you aren’t choosing sides.” Carmilla told her.  “So don’t. I’m not asking any of you to choose sides.  And I assume Buffy isn’t either.”

Buffy nodded her agreement.  “Nope,” she scowled.

Carmilla continued. “Do what you want, Faith. Stay up here and play house and pretend that they,” she motioned to Laura “didn’t run off with our children.” She rolled her eyes and walked over to Dawn.  “But you’re going to give me my daughter.” She told the slayer’s sister.

Laura jumped. 

Kennedy stood up, but Faith held up her hand.

Dawn handed the baby to Carmilla. Laura could feel her heart thumping against her chest.  She remembered a time… a time that seemed long ago… when that thumping meant something else. When it meant that Carmilla had smiled at her.  Called her cutie.  Now it just meant fear.

“I don’t particularly care what all of you have decided,” Carmilla stated.  “This is my daughter.  No one tells me what to do when it comes to her.  Or Tara for that matter. And they’re what’s important. I don’t trust this. I don’t trust half the people in this room. This isn’t about picking sides.  It’s about falling in line.” She looked around the room.

Laura hated tension.  She hated the tension in the room.  Hated the tension between all of them.  The blame.  The anger. The unmitigated fear that comes with dishonesty and mistrust. She took a deep breath and narrowed her eyes.  And then she felt a self-righteous type of indignation bubble up to the surface. She refused to fall in line and live, even one more moment, at the whim of the scary-ass vampire she was stupid enough to love once upon a time. It was something she hadn’t felt in a long time.  An assurance she’d lost after months of questioning every motive she had, every motive everyone had, had finally returned. 

The room was quiet. But it wasn’t still. No one knew what anyone would say. Most of them wanted, Laura was sure, this… whatever they’d started, to just end. One way or another. But they were afraid. And she was just done.

“I’m done.” Her voice rang out in the room.

Every set of eyes turned to her. It was hard, but she managed to hold Carmilla’s stare.  Because that was who she was speaking to.

“I’m done.” She spoke with a finality she hoped the vampire heard.  “I don’t want to do this anymore.  Not with you. Not with anyone. I want to go home. I want to see my dad. And I’m taking my daughter. And you’re going to let me.”

The sheer shock of her statement left the room even more speechless than before if that were possible.

“Laura.”  It was Kennedy who finally broke the silence.  “I know you’re…”

“No,” Laura growled.  “I. Am. Done.”

When she stepped over to Carmilla half the room moved with her. She ignored them.

Carmilla shook her head, like she was trying to wake herself up.  “Laura if you think that I’m going to let you…”

“Let me what?”  Laura asked.  “Take my daughter?” She held out her hands for Rachel. The thing was Carmilla handed her over easily.  Laura knew it was because the vampire believed she could stop her.  Believed she would stop her.

“You won’t,” Carmilla said and it came out too much like a challenge for Laura’s liking.

“Then kill me.  Because that is the only way you’ll stop me.” Laura held the baby against her chest. “Kill me.”  She pressed her nose into the top of Rachel’s head.  “I know you’re stronger than me.  I know that everyone in this castle is, in one way or another, stronger than me. But I don’t care. I’m tired.  I don’t want to be here and do this…” she waved her free arm around.  “…all of this anymore. I want to go home to my father. I want to feel safe.”

It took a few seconds before Carmilla’s face finally registered what she’d said.  Laura was sort of transfixed watching the clarity wash across it.  She knew Carmilla wouldn’t kill her. She knew that half the people in the room wouldn’t let her.  And she also knew, almost like a sudden epiphany, that she had a choice if she wanted it.

She looked at Perry. “Thank you for being my friend. Thanks for following me into the crazy.” She sighed.  “But we aren’t the same people anymore.  You have a home here. I never will.”

“That’s not true,” Faith said. “I told you this morning…”

Laura shook her head. She hated hurting her. Hurting Buffy. Hurting Danny and Ken. She hated hurting anyone, honestly. But she steeled herself for what she had to say.  “I am not living here in fear. I won’t do it. And I realized that I don’t have to. You cannot take my daughter from me,” she told Carmilla.  “If you try, make no mistake, I will fight you until you have to kill me.  I mean that.  I will die for her. I know it won’t take long to kill me if that’s what you want to do. But I don’t care. So if you have it in you, do it,” she said. “Otherwise I’m leaving,” she told the still shell-shocked room.  “I’m calling Danny to tell her, and I’m leaving.” She turned to tell Kennedy.  “I’m not going to hide. I’ll be where I say I’m going. But I’m going. Now.”

She began to walk out of the room. She was surprised no one was trying to stop her.  But she was also glad.  But then Buffy snapped herself out of it.

“Please don’t do this,” Buffy said. “Please.  No one is going to stop you.  I won’t let them.  If this is what you want.  If it really, really is. But… I… don’t do this, Laura.  I don’t want you to… I can’t…” She swallowed and sort of inflated in front of Laura. “What do you want? Because that’s… that’s what I’ll do. I don’t want to.  I will never want to. But that’s what we’ll all do. Just tell me what that is.”

Laura spoke softly, “I’ve told you.”

Buffy nodded, biting her lip. She shook her head and looked away.

Laura turned to face Carmilla. She’d only seen the vampire that mad a few times.  It was a calm anger, born mostly of shock.  Laura was as surprised at what was happening as anyone else. But she was also, inwardly, sort of awed. She thought everyone else was in control this whole time.  When in reality, she was the one calling the shots. She just didn’t know it.  Sometimes the weakest person had the most control. When everyone was afraid of hurting you, you could take what you want and they wouldn’t stop you, she thought.

Carmilla narrowed her eyes as she bit the inside of her bottom lip.  She was shaking with anger?  Fear? Laura wasn’t sure. Her eyes flitted between Laura’s arms around her daughter and Laura’s face.  Laura forced herself to hold her stare with a steadiness she couldn’t believe she could muster.

The truth was, all Carmilla had to do was say “please say.” To say, “I love you.” Say, “we’ll work this out.” To tell Laura, the room, herself that they could get through this.  That she would never keep Laura from her child.  That they could raise her in harmony.  That she could be happy.

Laura loved Carmilla today as much, if not more, than she ever had. But she couldn’t care about the relationship with the vampire. Not specifically anyway. She just wanted to be reassured that she’d have a life with her daughter.  That her daughter would have a life with her.  And she knew, again in that sudden moment, that Carmilla’s pride would never give her that.

“Buffy,” Laura finally said. “Danny won’t want to stay. I need you to give me your word that no one will hurt her. And that someone will get her to wherever it is she wants to go.  Please?”

Buffy nodded but wouldn’t look at her. She was silently crying.

Laura couldn’t watch it and still have the strength to walk out.

When she turned around, Kennedy nodded barely hiding a building hysteric that was working its way onto her face. “We won’t let anyone hurt her. We’ll send her wherever she wants. If she wants to stay here…” she stuttered out.  “If she wants to stay…”

“Absolutely not,” Carmilla growled.

No one knew what she meant.  That Danny couldn’t stay?  That Laura couldn’t leave?  Everyone ignored her. 

“She’ll want to leave,” Laura nodded. She knew Danny wouldn’t leave her. She’d want to be where Laura was. Laura was okay with that.

“To what?” Carmilla snarled.  “Be with you?”

And of course… that was what she was concerned with, Laura thought.  Petty jealousy. So again, everyone ignored her.

“I’m sorry Buffy,” Laura said, quietly. “I’m sorry for everything. I love you.  And Tara.  And I hope that she’s better soon.  I wish I could say that I hope to hear it, but I can’t.  So I’ll just hope she’s better because we,” she looked down to Rachel, “love her.”

Buffy was crying so hard, it looked painful. Laura knew Buffy wanted to beg her. But at this point she was crying so hard she couldn’t.

Laura kissed her cheek. It broke her heart to crush Buffy’s.  She was the strong one. And Laura had let her down. But she just couldn’t do it anymore. She needed to take care of herself. She needed to do it before it was too late. She turned to the room. “I’m leaving. We’re leaving. I hope it’s okay if I get a few of Rachel’s things.”

Faith nodded dejectedly.

Laura smiled sadly at her. “When I’m finished, I’ll call a cab.” She forced herself to look at Carmilla once more. “Again, stop me if you want.  But kill me as well. Because I will force that choice.”

She turned and left.

* * *

Buffy watched her walk out of the library. She’d shut the door behind her. No one said anything for a few minutes. She had to stop her. Laura couldn’t leave. If she left… it was… she couldn’t leave. She wouldn’t survive. The baby, Buffy knew, someone would want the baby...  She was… She was...

...she was Laura’s. She wasn’t Buffy’s. And Buffy knew that she had to let her go. Her legs felt weak, and she almost sat down until she noticed the vampire’s face.

“We just need to think,” Dawn said. “We… she’s not going to take Rachel and...”

Carmilla ran, her vampire speed kicking in, toward the door. 

And Buffy threw her backwards into the room.

“No!” Buffy snarled. She would kill her. If she went anywhere near Laura, Buffy would kill her. She would a take perverse pleasure in doing it as well.

Faith grabbed her mother before Buffy could stop her in a more permanent manner. 

“Let me go!” Carmilla screamed. She was clawing at Faith.

Faith twisted her arm behind her back. “B will kill you. Do you hear me? She will kill you. I know that look,” her voice was shaking.  “Stop it.”

And Buffy couldn’t stop shivering. The power and fear and anger she felt at every stupid thing they’d done, the sheer dumbness of it all, and that vampire across the room… the strength was coursing through her. She wanted to kill her.

“You won't stop her,” Buffy finally spoke. “You won’t hurt her. I won’t let you,” she sneered. “But if you want to try, I suggest you go ahead and try.”

The room was tense.  Faith was still holding her mother’s arm, twisted behind her back. Carmilla wasn’t fighting her, but her own power, fueled by anger or grief was coursing through her as well. Buffy wasn’t sure if the rest of the room was reacting or not, and she couldn’t chance the look to verify it.

The pain Buffy felt was mixed with a particularly dark anger that she felt bubbling inside her.  She looked to her sister, “Dawn, Xander, the rest of you – go check on Tara. Stay down there please. Giles call Wills and see if they’ve found anything.  And make sure Danny gets what she needs, Ken.”

They nodded and left.

“She’s still in the castle,” Buffy said, her voice clipped.  “Because I can feel her.” She narrowed her eyes at the vampire. And as much as she wanted to stake her, she caught something in Carmilla’s eyes that made her hope to hell she didn’t regret what she was about to say. “You have one chance, maybe, to redeem this.  I suggest you take it. You and I both know you won’t get another one.  But all she wants is for you to stop her. And you are a _fucking_ _fool_ if you don’t. You certainly aren’t worthy of one person, baby or otherwise, left in this castle,” Buffy told her. “And I will know. I will know within seconds if you hurt a hair on her head.  Put a bruise on her arm.  If you lay one hand on her, I will know.  And you won’t make it out of the room before I end you.  Keep that in mind.  Because when you’re dead, I’ll be raising your daughter.”  She spun and walked out, slamming the door.

When she left, Faith dropped Carmilla’s arm. “Swallow the pride,” Faith begged. “Please.  Go stop her and tell her the truth.  Do it now before it’s too late. And if you hurt her… I’ll never forgive you.  You’ll never look me or the girls in the eyes again. I’ll let B stake you.  And I’m not kidding.”  She turned and left her mother alone in the room.

* * *

Carmilla was angry.  It was coursing through her.  She could feel Laura too.  Knew that she was there.  Laura held her whole world so precariously in her hands. Hell she had since the moment Carmilla had met her. And now she was about to disappear with it.  Again.

She would never hurt Laura.  But, of course, Faith knew that. Even in a way, she thought, Buffy knew that.  So she did what her daughter told her to do.  She swallowed her pride. She knew if she didn’t, she’d lose everything.

Laura was in the babies’ bedroom upstairs on the phone. “…I’ll call you when I know more. I will.  Love you too. Bye.”

Carmilla wondered whom she was talking to. Whom did she love? She realized she didn’t even have a right to know. “Laura,” she waited to enter until she knew the girl had hung up the phone.

Laura spun around.  Carmilla could smell her fear.  It broke her heart a little more that Laura was scared of her. She held up her hands as she walked in the room.  Laura clutched the baby closer to her chest.

Carmilla spoke calmly. “I won’t hurt you. I would never hurt you. You know that.”

Laura shook her head forcefully. “No. Not now.  I don’t know you at all now.”

Carmilla looked around the room and wondered, and not for the first time, how over three hundreds years later, her life had come to this.  She expected many things to happen after she was turned.  She expected misery, death, losing everything she loved over and over again.

What she didn’t expect, what she couldn’t, was what she’d had in the past few decades.  The end of the last century and the beginning of this one had brought her hope as well. She buried it deep, certainly. But it was there, like a small fire, burning underneath a constant, paralyzing fear of loss. 

And now… now it was all about to crumble. All with one tiny little human, whose stupid dorm room she’d been assigned what now felt like more than three hundred years ago.

Laura backed up and pressed her back so hard against the slats of the crib that Carmilla briefly wondered if she was going to break it.  She could smell her fear. It wasn’t the first time she’d smelled it. But it had never been, even when they weren’t together, weren’t friends, this strong.  Laura was so afraid of her that the smell alone made her nauseous.  She swallowed it down, but stayed where she was.  She didn’t want to give Laura any more reason to fear her.

Carmilla knew she had no choice. “I’m frightened,” the vampire whispered.  “I’m terrified. Petrified.  I was buried in a coffin.  Filled with blood, Laura.  And I’ve never felt like this.”  As soon as she voiced it she realized how true it was. 

A sound, like a strangled sob, echoed in the room. It took Carmilla a moment to realize it came from her.  She backed against the wall suddenly and slid down, covering her mouth with her hand. She closed her eyes and tried to control her breathing.  When she opened them, she saw that Laura had sat down as well, her back against the crib on the other side of the room.

“What do you want from me, Carm?” Laura spoke softly. Laura was sitting Indian-style on the floor, Rachel between her legs, clapping her little hands.

Carmilla could feel the tears sliding very slowly down her cheeks.  She wiped at them harshly trying to rub some type of pain away.  “How do I answer that? I don’t know how to tell you something I don’t know.”

Whatever she’d said; it had renewed some sort of ire in Laura.  The young girl straightened her back.  “Do you know anything? Ever?  I don’t understand you.  I’m so tired of your apathy.  What could I do to you?  If you told me the truth? What could I do? I’m weak.  I’m human.  What could I honestly do?”

“What could you do?” Carmilla asked. “What could you do?” She repeated quietly. “You could die, Laura.  You could all die.  But wait,” she said, “you will.  You all will. And I will have to watch it. Every time.  You.  Faith. Rachel,” her voice hitched. “Tara.  All of you.  And I’ll die with you.  Every time. Over and over again.” She wiped at her eyes. “I knew one day, before I met you, I’d lose Faith.  To be honest, I never thought she’d make it this far.  If that stupid slayer didn’t kill her, some vamp, demon, fucking asshole would take her out.  It’s the life she lives. But I knew, because she was a slayer, because she didn’t have the time, the energy, the need… I knew she would be it. No kids.  No families. No generations of death, over and over again. I would suffer her loss and it would kill me.  But I’ve learned to compartmentalize pain.” She sucked in a breath she didn’t really need. “And then everything changed. You.  The girls.  And god, it will go on forever, Laura.  Forever, I’ll watch you die.  Your eyes. Faith’s eyes.  Every generation.  I’ll relive it. And die it. And I can’t compartmentalize that.  I’ve known of other vampires, those who had families, humans, they cared about. I know what happens to them. How they go mad. Slowly and completely, until there is nothing human left within them.  And that will be me. So that’s what you could do.  That’s what you will do.”  She wiped her face.  “And I don’t even know. I don’t know if you even realize how much I love you.  How in three hundred years, I’ve never felt as much like a love struck schoolgirl, an infatuated child, as when I look at you. I have no idea if you feel even one hundredth of what I feel. If you feel anything at all. I wonder if you are just tired of me.”  She waved her arm around.  “If you’re just tired of this.  If you just want to go home and forget I ever existed.”

Laura didn’t speak for a few minutes. Carmilla was somewhat surprised she’d finally rendered the girl speechless.  She’d always imagined doing that under different, and better, circumstances.

“How can you say things like that?” Laura asked quietly. “How can you honestly sit there and say those things?  Do you not understand what I…” She groaned.  Rachel, who was busy playing with the phone Laura’d been holding, stopped and looked up at her mother.  Laura peered down at the little girl.  “Look at her,” she told the vampire.  “Look at her and tell me how I’m supposed to forget you.  That I don’t love you.  I’ve followed you here. I did what you wanted. I just want you to…” She didn’t finish though. She looked away.

“Want me to what?” Carmilla prompted.

Laura shook her head, before turning back to look at her.  “I want you to stop being so proud.  Stop being afraid to let someone in.  Someone besides the girl you raised.  The children you have.” She stopped speaking to think.  “It makes so much sense though.  Faith. The girls.  You love them so completely and openly.  No fear.  It’s so… so unlike you.  But if they… if you raised them, you know that they won’t leave you.  They can’t.”

Carmilla shook her head.  “Faith has already left me once.”

“Did she?” Laura asked.  “Or did you leave her?  She was a child when she was called.  She was scared.”

Carmilla didn’t answer her. There was truth in what Laura said.  But she didn’t have to acknowledge it.

“I don’t want to leave you, Carm. None of us do. We don’t want to age and die and watch you stay the same.  I want it to be normal.  I want to take Rachel home and show my father that I did something kind of amazing. That I have someone that I can love like he loves me.” Laura was the one to look away now.  “But the day I made the decision to be with you, I gave up normal. I gave up that life because I am not stupid, Carm.  I know, to be with you, I could never have it.”

Carmilla cried silently.  “You still could. You have a choice.”

“Ha,” Laura scoffed.  “Technically, I guess I do. I could choose to live without you. To live half a life. But it wouldn’t stop me from loving you. I’d choose you over normal.  I have. And I will every time.”

Carmilla wouldn’t look at the girl. “And what about the Giant Ginger? Wouldn’t you rather just play house with her instead? Weren’t you talking to her when I walked in? Didn’t you tell her you loved her? I bet she would just love that. Love playing house. Love taking you both and running back to Styria.  She’d love taking you away from us.  Away from me. She’d give you your normal.”

“And just like that the walls are back up,” Laura sighed.  “You know, normally, I’d bite, but I’m kind of tired of fighting with you.  I spent an entire year with her, Carm.  One year. Of course I love her. And she loves me. I won’t lie about that.”

Carmilla waited for the “but." Waited longer than a minute. But Laura didn’t say anything.

“Right,” Carmilla said. “Well maybe she’s what you need.  Maybe she can give you the normal I can’t.”

Laura kissed the baby’s head. Rachel curled against her stomach and giggled.  Carmilla watched the two of them and felt sick at what she was losing.  What she would lose. 

Laura finally looked up and made eye contact with the vampire.  “Maybe she can,” Laura sighed.  And Carmilla felt her heart break all over again.  But Laura wasn’t finished.  “But she’s not what I want.  She hasn’t been what I wanted since some dumb vampire brought me a ludicrously expensive bottle of champagne and asked me to stargaze.”

The soft smile Laura gave her almost broke her. But Carmilla held her stare.  She wanted to speak, to tell her how much she meant to her.  To tell her the irritating slayer downstairs was right, in three hundred years she’d never met anyone who stole her heart so completely. But she was afraid of saying too much.  Afraid of telling Laura that if she left that castle, if she left her, that she would let Buffy stake her. Hell, she’d ask her to. But Laura kept watching her expectantly. So she said the only thing she could possibly say. 

“That vampire you tied up and starved?” She asked with an embarrassed smile.

Laura chuckled softly.  “Yes, that vampire I tied up and starved for a week,” she said.

“Nine days, cupcake.” Carmilla said. “Nine days.” She caught Laura’s eye, a small smile on her lip. “I’m worried for our daughter. She’ll never learn basic math if you can’t count.”

“Hmmph,” Laura crossed her arms and pouted, but her eyes shining with tears that Carmilla prayed were happy. “It’s a good thing her other mother has been in college for three hundred years. Maybe she can teach her something.”

Carmilla smiled softly at that. She didn’t do anything obnoxious. She didn’t make a big gesture, like get up and sweep Laura into her arms and kiss her senseless. She wanted to. But she wasn’t sure it was the time for big gestures. So instead she decided to give the girl as much normal as she, a centuries old monster, could muster.  She crossed her own arms and leaned back against the wall. “Maybe she can,” Carmilla winked. 

* * *

Faith chose not to go back downstairs. She loved her mother, she really did. But she was afraid… not particularly that her mother would hurt Laura.  At least not physically anyway.  But she knew, given the right moment and the wrong circumstances, she could hurt her in other ways.

She didn’t feel good about that. Didn’t feel good about the fact, that in all honestly, if Carmilla asked her to, Faith would let her. She knew what would happen if Laura left. She didn’t think her mother could take it.  And so she planted herself on the staircase, and sat on one of the steps with her back against the wall.  Because if Laura tried to leave, Faith thought, hoped that she could talk her out of it.  She was not above pleading or downright begging.  The last time she felt like she was going to lose everything, she’d begged Angel to kill her.  She remembered standing in the rain, crying, beating her fists against Angel’s chest. She knew that if Laura left, and Carmilla broke, she’d slowly lose everything else. She never wanted to feel that way again. She just wanted her family.  She’d always just wanted a family.  Even if it was as fucked up as this one.

She’d slept off and on night before. When the nurse had come in to feed Tara this morning, she’d woken Faith by accident.  The nurse asked her if she wanted to feed her, and Faith had quickly agreed. 

She spent the next hour holding her daughter, while the other two women in the room slept.  They were completely unaware of how terrified Faith was. Or maybe they weren’t. They had been treating her as if she were going to break.  So maybe they were over aware.  But she’d decided, holding her daughter, looking at her sweet eyes as she looked up at her, finally content to let her mother just snuggle her, that she was putting an to end to the bullshit. 

So maybe this was her fault?  Maybe she should have just let it go and let it play out. Had she done that, maybe Laura would have stayed.  She wished she’d just stayed quiet, and done as her mother said, and fallen in line.

She closed her eyes for a moment. She was just so fucking tired.

* * *

Carmilla sat against the wall, even after Laura stood up.  She didn’t want to ask. She was afraid of the answer. So she waited.

Laura began opening drawers, and Carmilla put her head on her knees.  She willed herself not to cry, not until Laura left.

“Carm?” Laura spoke softly. 

“Hmm?” The vampire asked.  She didn’t trust her voice.

“Which one these dressers is Rachel’s?” Laura asked sweetly.

Carmilla didn’t answer her with words. She just waved one of her arms to the left side of the room.  She could hear Laura moving around, but kept her eyes closed. She rested her cheek against her knee. She felt Laura move closer and put her hand on her head.

“Hey,” Laura said, crouched down in front of her. “Hey,” she said again, when Carm didn’t move.  She rubbed Carmilla’s head. “Look at me.”

Carmilla swallowed and looked up. She was mad she couldn’t stop the tears.  She blinked them away and sat up more fully, wiping her face.  Laura was crouched down in front of her, Rachel on her hip.

Laura put her hand on Carmilla’s cheek. “What’s wrong?”

Carmilla wiped at her face again. She took a deep breath and tried not to sob.  “Please don’t leave me,” she choked out in a voice she thought sounded like she hadn’t it used in years.

Laura looked… surprised.  “What?”

“Please,” she choked out again. “Please don’t leave.” It took everything in Carmilla to say those words.  She didn’t have anything else.

Laura sat completely down on her knees. She handed the baby to Carmilla. The vampire took her and hugged her. She wasn’t sure she’d ever see her again.  She smelled her neck. She loved the smell of her neck. She always smelled like Laura. She began sobbing again and buried her face against her daughter. She felt Laura put her arms around them both. Carmilla crumpled into her.

“I’m not leaving,” Laura whispered against her hair. “I was just changing her clothes. Promise.  I’m sorry.  I’m sorry I scared you. Kennedy just gave her some sort of mashed banana concoction earlier and she got it all over the front of her sleeper.”

At Laura’s words, Carmilla sobbed.

“Oh.  Oh.” Laura squeaked out.  “Okay. It’s okay.  I know you’re stressed and we scared you and… oh god, please don’t cry,” Laura said, her voice choking. “If you cry, then I’ll cry. And then Buffy will probably come up here and kill you before I can explain that I love you and don’t want her to.”

Carmilla laughed through her tears and looked up at Laura.  Laura wiped her fingers down Carm’s cheek. 

“I love you,” Carmilla said.  “I’m so sorry.”  She hugged Rachel closer to her. 

Laura nodded.  “I know.  I’m sorry too.” She scooted closer to Carmilla and put her arms back around her.  “I love you too,” she kissed the baby’s head.  “Both of you.”

Carmilla nodded against Laura’s chest. She buried her head against Laura, and sniffled.  “I’m worried about Tara,” Carmilla said.  “I want to stay here with you.  I don’t want to leave really.  But…”

Laura pulled back with an incredulous expression. “Are you crazy? I would kill you myself if you didn’t go back down there.” She looked at Rachel.  She was trailing her fingers through Carmilla’s hair, yanking it and then giggling like a maniac.  “Does that hurt?”

Carm smiled at her.  “Sweetheart, she could rip every single hair out of my head and I’d let her.  I thought I was never going to see her again.”

Laura rolled her eyes, good-naturedly. “You knew I’d never leave you.”

Carmilla bit her lip and smirked. “Of course, cupcake,” she smiled through her lie. 

* * *

It took both girls longer than necessary to change Rachel.  Possibly because now that Laura was standing in front of her again and Carmilla knew she wasn’t leaving, she couldn’t stop touching her. Any other time, she'd be worried about the baby.  Worried about Faith walking in.  Or worse Buffy.  But right now, she was afraid if she let her go, even for a second, Laura would disappear.

She wrapped her arms around Laura's waist, and kissed the side of her neck.  

“Carm,” Laura whined.  “I can’t change the baby if you keep doing that.”

Carmilla ignored her, nuzzling into her. “Mmmm.” She feathered kisses down her throat, and across the top of her shoulder. 

“Okay,” Laura giggled, trying to wiggle away. “Baby, here,” she motioned, picking Rachel up and turning around.  “No scarring her.  Also, we have to go. Cause if we don’t...”

Carmilla grabbed Laura’s waist and pulled the girl to her.  She kissed her quickly and maybe a bit roughly.  But she’d forgotten what Laura tasted like.  When Laura moaned, she tried to slip her tongue…

“Whoa,” Laura squealed,  “No.  No. Bad. Baby,” she motioned with her head. “No.”

“Sentences?” Carmilla asked, kissing Laura’s nose, before bending down and kissing Rachel’s head as well.  “I will have to teach you words as well apparently.”

“Ugh,” Laura said.  “You’re incorrigible.” She rose up on her toes and kissed Carmilla’s forehead.  “And mine. You’re mine,” she winked. She squealed again when Carmilla tried to grab her.  “Downstairs. So Buffy doesn’t stake you. Cause she will. Seriously she is a staking machine. She even let me stake one when we were in Morocco…”

“What?!?” Carmilla called after Laura who was already barreling down the hallway.  “When were you in Morocco?!?” She took off after the girl. Then she realized...  “She let you stake a fucking vampire?!?”

She caught up to Laura at the top of the stairs, intent on getting to the bottom of Buffy’s incredible stupidity (though she was beginning to believe there was no end) when Laura stopped suddenly and spun around, a finger to her lips.  She motioned with her head down the stairs.

Faith was sitting on one of the steps, her head rested on her arms on the step above.  Carmilla felt her chest hitch.  “She’s going to get a crick in her neck sleeping like that,” she groaned, moving around Laura to wake her up. 

Laura grabbed her arm.  “You know she waited here because of you.”

Carmilla turned around.  She was standing on the step below Laura. She shook hear head.  “She waited here for you. She was afraid you’d leave.  I imagine she was going to beg…  if I had to guess.”

Laura smiled down at her.  “She’s so tired.  I don’t know what time she got up. I think when the nurse came to feed Tara. Around four or so I bet. She said she held Tara for like an hour before going to work out and then for a run. Plus she took a shower.  And she didn’t wake me up till seven.”

Carmilla nodded and moved down the stairs softly. She sat down next to Faith’s arms. Laura sat beside her.

Carmilla rubbed the top of Faith’s head softly. “Hey, firecracker. You know you’re sleeping on the stairs?” She pushed a strand of the girl’s hair off her forehead.  “Why don’t you go lie down?  In a bed?”

Faith stirred softly and rose up. She was blinking her eyes.   She heard her mother’s voice whispering above her.  She saw Laura sitting next to Carmilla on the step. “Sorry,” she spoke softly. She took Rachel’s hand when the baby reached out for her.  “Hey, girlie,” she smiled at her.

Laura smiled at her. 

“You aren’t leaving?” Faith asked.

Laura cut her eyes at Carmilla before smiling back at Faith.  “Nope. You’re stuck with me.”

Faith exhaled a breath she didn’t realize she was holding.  “Good. Good.”

Carmilla rubbed Faith’s cheek. “Were you worried about me?”

Faith rolled her eyes.  “I was worried about your cupcake,” she answered. “And that you were gonna be a giant jackass.”

“Oh she’s still a giant jackass,” Laura joked.

“I figured,” Faith smiled.  “I wasn’t expecting miracles or anything.”

Carmila rolled her eyes.  She was certainly glad that the old wives’ adage about them getting stuck like that was just a myth.  She figured she’d rolled them enough at that point that they were close to rolling out of her head.  Living in this castle would do that to you.

“Speaking of giant jackasses,” Carmilla started. “Your frilly bimbo let Laura stake a vampire.  In Morocco. Because apparently they were in Morocco.”  She shook her head. “Remember when we went to Morocco to look for them?  I told you. I told you they’d been there.”

Faith nodded.  “Of course they were.  Buffy thought Morocco was on the way to Austria, by the way.  I can’t believe you weren’t perpetually lost.  Jesus, she can’t find Scotland on a map and we live here.”

Carmilla was mentally making a list of Buffy’s faults. It was getting really long. She thought, if the time ever came and Buffy finally went over the deep end or something, she could chart it out, maybe have Laura make a PowerPoint slide show or something, so she would have evidence when she tried to talk Faith out of spending the rest of her life with an airhead.

Laura nodded.  “Oh, don’t worry.  That was Kennedy’s job.  Buffy was less than Geographically-Aware.”

Carmilla couldn’t help to think that that was possibly the biggest understatement ever.

Faith was shaking her head. “I bet we just missed them everywhere we went.”

Laura shrugged.  “We had glamours.  Everywhere we went we looked different. Usually we just blended in with the locals.” She shrugged.  “We spent a lot of time in South America and Africa though.  That’s why we can tie papooses like a native,” she curled her lip. “Oh and the States. I think Buffy and Kennedy just missed it or something.  We had fun in the South though.  In New Orleans I was Creole.  That was cool. The glamour made us sound like the locals too.  Even masked our language, but in New Orleans… I was awesome. My name was Delphine.” She smiled almost wistfully. “It’s the only magic I know by the way.  I can make myself look like anyone.”

The other two women were staring at her open-mouthed.  Carmilla wondered what the fuck she was on about?

Laura looked puzzled at their expressions. “What?”

Carmilla cut her eyes at Faith, like really?  She briefly hoped her daughter wasn't making her own list at this point.

Faith nodded back to her mother. “You were Creole?” She asked Laura.

Laura nodded.  “We all were.  But I was younger. Sixteen. We were a family then.  Two kids. Mother. Father. Buffy was the mom. Buffy was always the mom.  Except when she threw her Buffy fit.  That's what Kennedy called.  Her Buffy Pretty Pretty Princess Fit.  That was not a fun day.”

Neither of the other women even knew what to say.

“You’re kidding, right?” Faith finally asked. “Like you’re totally pulling our leg.”

Laura laughed because, Carmilla figured, obviously they were making jokes. Laura smiled.  “No seriously.  I can do it now. I mean I’m not going to or anything but I can.  My favorite was Charlotte. I was Charlotte when we were in Savannah, Georgia.  I got hit on more in Savannah than any other place in the world.  And I was sixty.  Crazy.” She shook her head at the apparent absurdity of it all.

Now the other two couldn’t speak. Carmilla was baffled at how flippant Laura was about apparently turning into a sixty-year-old. 

“Sixty?” Carmilla finally sputtered. “Are you serious?”

Laura nodded.  “Yeah. But like Jessica Lange American Horror Sixty.  I was hot. It’s crazy how many men want to date an older woman. So Buffy glamored into a younger guy. Danny and Ken kept calling me cougar. Of course, technically I was dating a twenty-five-year-old. So I was I guess. But it was awesome.”

“I don’t even… I don’t…” Carmilla sputtered.Her head were spinning.  She kept trying to speak.  She knew she was opening her mouth, but... She raised her eyebrow at her daughter, completely baffled.

“Same…” Faith agreed.

Laura was completely ignoring their shocked countenances. “Buffy got hit on more than anyone in Brazil though. Cause…” Laura stopped, nodding. “Yeah… her Brazilian was on point. Way on point.  Way, way on point. That was the best glamor ever actually…”

Carmila was shaking her head, trying to clear it. Trying to get the fact that Buffy and her girlfriend were pretending to be a couple out of her head.  Trying to picture Laura being a hot sixty-year-old. Or a Creole teenager. That they'd been to Brazil.  Morocco.  The States.  That Buffy'd let Laura stake a vamp. She finally shook her head.  She stood up slowly, offering Laura her hand.  “We really need to sit down and talk about this further,” she finally said.  “But I want to check on the baby.”

Faith was nodding.  “Do you have pictures?”

Laura nodded back.  “Yeah on Ken’s phone,” she shrugged, walking around them. She turned around at the end of the stairs, staring up at them.  “Come on, slowpokes,” she motioned with her head, heading back towards the infirmary.

“She can’t be serious,” Faith whispered to her mother.

Carmilla shrugged.  “I think she’s completely serious.  I’m a little disturbed.”

Faith shrugged back.  “I just want to see the hot Brazilian.” She headed after Laura.

Carmilla rolled her eyes once again and followed.

* * *

Buffy was holding Tara.  The doctors still hadn’t found anything significantly wrong, yet knew there was something there. But the baby, though nowhere near bubbly, was so much happier than yesterday that she couldn’t find it in herself to worry about anything in the moment. 

Giles said that Willow believed they’d found something, but they wanted to look further.  He also said they sounded tired, and he’d encouraged them to get some rest before they returned. 

Buffy wouldn’t allow the others to go upstairs. She knew what Faith was doing. She respected it. And if the vampire screwed up, she hoped Faith succeeded. 

Therefore, at this point, the redhead was cleaning the room.  Like honestly cleaning it. Andrew had given up and gone to find someone else to annoy and Dawn and Kennedy were arguing about something Buffy stopped listening to five minutes ago.  Giles was forcing Xander to research on the laptop, while he stayed old school with the books he’d brought down.

Buffy’d just rocked Tara back to sleep when she felt her.  You don’t spend a year with someone, especially when you’re a slayer, and not learn to feel someone. She imagined a weight being lifted off her chest. She caught Kennedy’s eye. She nodded at Buffy.

Buffy turned to her sister. “Dawn? Will you rock her for minute?” she asked.

“Fucking finally,” Dawn muttered, moving to take the baby.

“Your mouth is disturbing,” Buffy answered, rolling her eyes. She wasn’t sure she should would let Faith ever speak around the girls if her influence on Dawn was so apparent. “You guys stay put for a minute,” Buffy told the room. 

They seemed surprised, but nodded to her. It was weird, she mused, falling back into this role of leader or whatever it was.  They didn’t disagree with her. They just nodded their heads, content to do what she said.  She often wondered if they thought she liked to be in charge, or if they just loathed the thought themselves.

She followed Kennedy out of the room.

She could feel Laura. She wasn’t kidding herself about that.  She knew it was some sort of slayer, sixth sense or something but it was strong. She figured it was because she cared about the girl.  At any rate, Laura was rounding the corner.  “How’s the baby?” Laura asked, as if she wasn’t about to leave them forever.

Buffy watched Kennedy shake her head, not in the least surprised at Laura’s nonchalant behavior, but so happy she couldn’t find it in herself to care.  “She’s the same.” Kennedy relayed what Willow told Giles.

“That’s good, right?” Laura asked. Her smile less smiley at the answer, Buffy thought.

Buffy nodded softly.  “It’s not bad.  Just not better.” She studied the girl for a few minutes.  She wanted to reprimand her and tell her to stay put, but what right did she have? She would never, ever tell Laura what to do. She didn’t ask herself why that was so. Buffy pulled the girl into a hug.  “Don’t do that to me again,” she scolded.  “I mean it.”  She squeezed the girl harder.

Laura squeaked when Buffy hugged her. But she put her arm around the slayer just the same. “You’re gonna smush the baby,” Laura squealed.  “And I won’t.” She pulled back and smiled.  “I promise.”

The slayer wondered which of the two women was responsible.  She could feel them both, rounding the corner of the infirmary. “Faith or Carmilla?” She asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Carmilla,” Faith spoke. She strode into the room with her mother.  “Faith fell asleep on the stairs,” she spoke of herself in third person.

Buffy caught the vampire’s eyes and nodded. She was glad Carmilla was the one to do it.  She knew that Laura would never be completely trusting and comfortable if the vampire dropped the ball.   “Well Faith’s complete ineptitude aside,” Buffy earned the middle finger for that, “that’s good.  I guess I can refrain from killing you this week.”

Carmilla smirked at the slayer. She raised her eyebrow. “You can refrain from trying you mean.”

Buffy knew there would be no _try_ but she shrugged anyway.  “Semantics.”

“We heard you,” Carmilla said to Kennedy. “Do you know what the witch found?”

Kennedy shook her head.  “Giles said she wasn’t specific.  Just that they thought they were on to something. She said she didn’t think Tara was in any danger.” 

Buffy side-eyed her but didn’t speak. Willow had actually said ‘immediate danger,’ but she didn’t correct Ken.

Faith frowned at that information. Buffy watched her face morph into a question. “Do you have your phone with you, K?” she asked. Faith always had a thing for lack of segue ways, Buffy thought.

Kennedy nodded as confused as Buffy. “Uh yeah.” She looked at the other women.  “Why?”

Laura scoffed. “They don’t believe we glamored ourselves.”  She handed the baby to Kennedy who was clapping her hands at Rachel. “I was telling them about Morocco.  And then New Orleans. And Savannah.”

Kennedy and Buffy smiled. 

Laura was a natural at glamoring. They were all quite impressed with Laura’s gift to take any age, any race, and create just about the most beautiful person she could with the glamours.  It became a game for them. “Charlotte,” Buffy giggled.  “Charlotte was…”

Kennedy was laughing as well. She was most likely remembering how good at glamoring Laura was as well. “Charlotte was… just damn.” She shook her head at Faith. “Charlotte was the hottest…” she stopped to remember and a sly smile crossed her face.  Buffy noticed Carmilla’s face twist in jealously, but if Kennedy also noticed, she didn’t let on.  Or probably care. Ken shook her head again.  “She was like the hottest older woman… like Cougar hot… I’ve ever seen. Laura was so fucking good at the glamoring. Definitely the most creative. But Charlotte… that was like a work of art.”

Faith and Carmilla were back to open-mouthed. Buffy could understand how that sounded.  It was probably weird seeing someone you know and then thinking about them looking like someone else altogether.  Fortunately, you got used to it. 

Buffy nodded her agreement to Kennedy. She had to agree that Charlotte was another level just the same. “Charlotte was the best one. Out of all of them really.”

Kennedy caught Laura’s eye.

Buffy saw the glance.  Shit, she thought. “What?” she asked warily. She should have kept her mouth shut cause this wasn’t going to end well for her.

“Isadora,” they both trilled.

Buffy blushed immediately.  “Shut up.”

“Isadora,” Kennedy spoke again. She smiled at Faith. “Buffy had an epiphany while we were in Alaska…” she ignored Faith’s look of what the hell, and continued, “…and had a princess-sized hissy fit afterwards.”

Buffy crossed her arms and stuck her bottom lip out. “I always had to be the mom. Or like the oldest because I was the oldest.  I was sick of being the old one.”

Laura giggled. “Buffy was all like, ‘I’m tired of this. You can be old. I’m not going to be the old one anymore. I’m going to be an infant next.’ And then Ken said we were going to Brazil.  And Buffy said, ‘let’s make it a bet.  Let’s see who can out-Brazil the Brazilians.'  And then she transported out to our meeting place before we could stop her.”

Buffy mock-glared at the two girls laughing at the memory.

“Oh shit,” Kennedy said.  “We were sure she was gonna end up on the moon or something. Cause Buff usually couldn’t find her way out of the motel room without a detailed list of directions.”  She winked at Buffy, who was still scowling at her.  “So, in our defense we didn’t have time to plan much.  Cause, you know, no Buffy.  And we didn’t have a plan.  We always had a plan. Like were we a family? Couples? But it was Brazil. So we all just thought hot Brazilian chick.” She stopped and looked wistful. “But… but there was like no contest. Buff found her way to Brazil all right.”

And she had.  When the other three had gotten there, they spotted her walking out of the hotel room. To them, she would always look like Buffy.  Only in reflections and pictures, did she look different.  Buffy’d winked at them when they transported in.  Ken had pulled out her phone and snapped a shot of the girl, who was wearing a simple one-piece bathing suit.

Except she wasn’t.  Not in the glamour anyway. Buffy knew what she was doing that day. And she’d totally won that bet.

“How did you know it was her?” Faith finally asked. “If she left before you?”

Kennedy handed the baby to Carmilla. She pulled out her phone. “We always saw each other the way that we really looked.  Buff was just wearing this normal bathing suit. Danny said, ‘take her damn picture so we can see who won,’ and I was able to get one shot before she scoffed and bounced her bubbly ass to the pool.”

“Don’t you dare,” Buffy warned. It was pointless, she realized. And Buffy knew what they’d see. They’d see a young woman, dark-skinned, and blue-eyed that would make men 'sell their souls and their countries to the devil.' At least that was what she thought about when she conjured up the image. She’d met a girl earlier in the year from Brazil (they were often meeting tourists in other places, since they were in motels. The tourists gave them ideas, or they’d scroll the internet for inspiration and start with a general canvas) and she’d worked from there.  She added in the necessary touches.  She had to admit she had specifically conjured up the suit, based on what she’d googled and found under Brazilin bathing suits. There was absolutely no way she’d ever wear that thing for real, but she figured, twenty-two and five nine, and she could pull it off.

When the other three had gotten there, it took everything in her not to turn around and look at their faces when they saw the picture Ken just snapped. But she didn't.  All she was thinking was, "screw them if they think I’m the dumb mom now."

Kennedy was already scrolling through the photos. “One day we’ll have to go through these but…”

Buffy spun and walked back to the baby’s room.  “I still won that bet, ladies.  So you can both bite me.” She called over her shoulder.

She heard Laura whisper. “If she’d really looked like that, I would’ve totally bit her.” In between Faith’s stupid laughter at that statement and Carmilla’s equally stupid growl, Buffy heard Laura say, “Show them that one.  Just the one we took before she walked onto the beach,” to Kennedy. 

And after a beat…

“Holy. Fucking. Shit.” She heard Faith say.

Great, Buffy thought.  She turned around and caught Faith’s eye. “Don’t even ask, Faith. Yes I can still do it. But after I’d have to leave you. Cause, you know, you’d technically be cheating.”

Faith’s face quickly fell.  “Goddamn it.”

 


	13. Chapter 13

Letting Laura out of her sight was out of the question as far as Carmilla was concerned.  Leaving Tara’s side, also not something she wanted do. She kissed Rachel and handed her back to Kennedy, against her better judgment, and walked to the door of Tara’s room.  The slayer’s sister was rocking the baby back to sleep.  Faith pushed by her and went to crouch down in front of Dawn.

“Go ahead,” Carmilla heard Kennedy say to Laura.  “We can hang out here for a bit.”

Laura nodded and followed Faith into the room.

After explaining that she would be staying, and the lack of questioning that followed, Carmilla noticed Buffy staring at her.  She was also standing at the door. “Thank you,” Buffy whispered. 

It took the vampire a second to realize she was talking to her.  She wasn’t sure what the woman was thanking her for, so she quirked her eyebrow.

Buffy rolled her eyes. “I didn’t want her to leave,” she started.  “And Faith was terrified. I just don’t think it would’ve been…” She shook her head and sighed.  “…we would probably be having a less pleasant conversation right now is what I mean.”

Carmilla nodded at her. “Laura said she staked a vamp.”

Buffy shrugged, “I don’t recall.” She walked further in the room, leaving Carmilla standing in the doorway.

The vampire let it go for the moment, considering they had bigger concerns. She just added it to the list and thanked God for small miracles like vampiric photographic memory.

The room wasn’t big enough, the vampire mused, for all of the people in it.  She cleared her throat.  “So what did the witch really say?” She asked Giles.

“Only that they’ve found something they feel pertinent.  She wasn’t forthright about what that was. But Willow is often vague until she’s certain.” He answered.

Carmilla frowned at him. Vague wasn’t exactly what she’d use to describe the redhead. The witch was a hedger.  She didn’t rock the boat until she absolutely had to do so. Even so, she was fairly certain the watcher wasn’t telling her everything.  She filed that away, and decided to corner him later.

Dr. Walsh came up behind her and walked into the room.  “Entirely too many people in here,” she tutted. 

“Can I leave?” Perry asked. She was looking at Buffy.

Carmilla noticed the slayer nod at Curly Sue. She wondered when Buffy decided to take back her authority here in the castle.  Apparently, if Perry was acquiescing to her, it must’ve happened sometime while she was upstairs with Laura. She figured that a certain level of expectation came with leading. Buffy expected the others to submit. And most people only wanted to be told what to do.

Giles, Xander, and Dawn followed her out. The watcher muttered something about consulting the handbook and few other tomes that Carmilla didn’t bother to listen to the names of.

But apparently, and interestingly to Carm, Faith did.  “Why you consulting that?” She asked Giles.

“Oh nothing.  Just covering our bases,” the Watcher hedged.

Carmilla turned to study him when he spoke. He was hiding something. Apparently Faith agreed. “Let me come help. Seeing as, you know, one of those is in German and I read German.”

The admission stopped everyone in the room. Even the doctor, put down the chart she was writing in.

“It’s perfectly fine. Stay here with your daughter.  We’d never ask you to leave her,” Giles answered.  “However, it’s disturbing to find out there’s yet another language we didn’t know you spoke.”

“Holy shit, Faith,” Dawn exclaimed. “Not cool.  You’re writing every single language down you can read. Once this is over, your ass is not getting out of research again.  There’s like five or six times I can think of off the top of my head where your multi-lingual ass would’ve come in handy.”

Faith, who was holding the baby at that point, shrugged at Dawn, before handing Tara to Buffy.  “All the same, I think I’d like to help.”

Carmilla watched Giles’ face. He seemed… she wasn’t sure. It was hard to read someone so… well, British. He was acting off, she concluded. Something was off.

Kennedy, who was still in the hallway with Rachel, spoke up.  “I can help too. If you want.”

Giles nodded.  Almost grateful.  “Good. See, Kennedy has offered to help. You can stay down here and…”

Faith had already made up her mind. “No.  I’m helping.  I’ll take Rach with me, so Laura can hang out here with Buffy and Mom.” She turned to her mother.  “If that’s cool?”

Carmilla nodded.  Faith narrowed her eyes imperceptibly at her. Carmilla realized she was trying to tell her something, though she was unsure what it was.  The vampire wished she’d listened closer to the watcher when he’d listed those books. 

Faith turned to Laura before Carmilla could discern what she was trying to tell her.  “Is that okay, L?”

Laura smiled, presumably at the nickname. “Sure.  I’ll come up in a bit.” 

Faith walked back over and kissed the baby’s cheek and the top of Buffy’s head.  “Maybe we can make some headway.  I feel we’re at a standstill.”

“Good idea,” Buffy smiled. If she noticed Faith was nervous, she didn’t let on.  “I can come up later…”

Faith shook her head. “Use the laptop Xander was using.  You left the websites up, didn’t you?”

Xander nodded.

“I just feel like we need to keep looking. The more heads the better,” Faith offered, turning to the doctor.

“I agree.” Dr. Walsh nodded. She was checking the baby’s vitals. “She’s better. Not completely. But much better than earlier. Still, she’s not where I’d like her to be, improvement-wise. Maybe if her grandmother held her, we could see if there was further improvement?”

“Oma,” Carmilla muttered, moving into the room.  She turned to her daughter. “Faith…” she started.

Faith nodded. She smiled at her mother, but her smile didn’t reach her eyes.  “Just buzz me if anything changes.  I don’t feel like I’m getting anything done standing around.”

Buffy nodded distractedly. Laura was kissing Rachel good-bye.

But Carmilla knew something was wrong. She couldn’t follow her daughter without raising suspicions. Fortunately. Faith took Rachel from Kennedy and brought the baby to Carm.  “Give your mom a kiss, munchkin,” she smiled.

Carmilla leaned over and Faith whispered. “My room, one hour.”

Carmilla made no movement that she’d acknowledged what her daughter had said.  When she stepped back, she checked to see if either of the slayers had heard Faith. Apparently not. Only then did she nod very softly.

“Oma,” Dr. Walsh spoke, breaking Carmilla from her thoughts.  “Do you mind?”

She shook her head at the doctor. She didn’t look back at her daughter… daughters leave.  Though she did see Laura and Buffy both smile at them.

“She’s been much more lucid today,” Dr. Walsh began.  She’d put Tara back in her crib so she could listen to her heart.  “Heartbeat is more regular.  And her temperature seems to be holding pretty steady. It’s still a little high but nothing alarming.”  She turned to Buffy. “And she’s been more responsive? Yes?”

Buffy nodded.  “I fed her earlier. And rocked her to sleep. She let Dawn hold her and the others for a few minutes as well.”

Carmilla was still distracted by Faith. She checked the clock above the bed. She had to think of some reason to get out of the room in an hour without rousing the suspicions of Laura and the little slayer.  She sat down beside the crib. 

“She looks better,” Carmilla told the doctor. “She was a little pale last night.” She rubbed the baby’s back. “Can I hold her?”

The doctor nodded.  “Of course.”

Carmilla smiled at Laura, and managed not to scowl at Buffy, as she scooped the baby up.  She’d missed her since this morning.  She didn’t realize how much until she held her against her chest. “Mon petit chou,” she whispered to the baby.  “ Bien dormi?”

The baby nuzzled into her neck and sighed softly.  Carmilla closed her eyes and could feel Tara’s eyelashes fluttering softly against her skin. The baby cooed. When Carmilla opened her eyes she could see Buffy and Laura staring at her.

“What?” She asked.

“Nothing,” Laura said, her eyebrow raised. “That’s just… Nothing.” She was smiling but looked a bit confused.

Buffy nodded beside her. “She was like that all last night. Whispering to her. In German.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes. “That’s French, buttercup.  Did you graduate high school?” She rested Tara against her shoulder.

Buffy side-eyed her. “Technically yes. But the mayor sort of crashed the graduation.  I’m pretty sure I got a diploma. Obviously I did cause I mean I went to college before I died. The second time. That’s mostly Dawn’s fault though. And then you know…” She stopped talking. “Why?” She asked suspiciously.

“No reason,” Carmilla answered. Just making a list, she didn’t say.

Laura smiled at Buffy’s rambling. “Buffy has the coolest stories ever, Carm.  Seriously. Tell her about Spike. Pre-soul Spike.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes. “I know about William the Bloody. And his obsession with the Slayer.”

Laura pouted.  “Well, what about Glory?”

Carmilla sighed.  “I’m aware.  In case you forgot, I've lived with Dawn for a year.  Apparently there was a robot that took your place while you were… well wherever you were.  That sounds horrible, by the way.  Two of you.”

Buffy stuck out her tongue before actually nodding.  “Truthfully, she did kind of suck.”  She studied Carmilla. “How well did you keep up with Faith?”

Carmilla rubbed Tara’s back softly. “I didn’t intervene, if that’s what you’re asking.  After Kakistos, I thought her going to Sunnydale would be…”  She shut her eyes, ashamed of what occurred.  “I obviously gave you and your gang too much credit.”

Buffy crossed her arms menacingly. “What's that supposed to mean?”

“I thought she’d be safe. If she came there. Her watcher, Diana, was killed. My existence would’ve just put her in more danger.  Not to mention she specifically told me not leave.  By the time I figured out what had happened in Sunnydale, she was working for the mayor.” She sighed.  “I couldn’t get to her. I contacted him. Once. He told me she was where she needed to be.  And I quote, _She doesn’t need another  nasty vampire, ruining her life, dear.  She’s right where she’s supposed to be. Just keep that in mind if you want to come here and mess with our Faithie’s head.  We want to make sure she keeps that pretty little head on those shoulders. Metaphorically and literally._ Veiled threat or not, I knew who he was.  And I knew better than to put her in danger. By the time I got word from Sunnydale, you’d already stabbed her and put her in a coma." She ignored the slayer's wince. "I stayed for as long as I could.  And when I returned again… you’d already taken care of that as well.  She turned herself in to the police.  Went to prison. At that point I was just happy that at least she was safe.  For a while anyway.” She shifted Tara so that she was lying in the crook of her arm.  “After the mess with the First evil, which I didn’t even know about until after the fact, she fell off my radar since you moved around so much. I found out she was in Scotland a couple of years ago.”

“So why now?” Buffy asked. “Because of Laura? You couldn’t have guessed that I would be pregnant too," she challenged.

Carmilla shook her head. “Ask her if she dreams about a panther.”

Buffy turned her head to the side, confused.

“I come when I can. I just didn’t… Laura’s pregnancy gave me an excuse.  One I didn’t have until then.  We did need answers. But… obviously I wanted to see her. You can’t imagine I didn’t. I love her.”  She kissed the top of Tara’s head.  The baby’s eyes were open, and she was following the sound of Carmilla’s voice.  She’d grabbed a strand of the vampire’s hair.  Unlike Rachel, she wasn’t jerking it.  She was just holding it.

Buffy watched her daughter play with a the dark strand.

Carm, for her part, was just smiling down at the baby, cooing nonsense to her.  “I was afraid of what she would say… or not say.  I wasn’t sure she’d even want to see me.  The pregnancy gave me a reason.  I’d been looking for one for years.”

Buffy frowned.  “She loves you.  So much. All you had to do was come see her.”

Carmilla sighed and looked down at Tara. “I may be much older than you, but I do makes mistakes, slayer.”  Tara giggled and snuggled against Carmilla.

Laura cleared her throat. “Okay, I’m going to be honest here, Carm. That's really weird.”

Carmilla looked up and raised an eyebrow. “Care to elucidate.”

Laura pursed her lips for a moment. “I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but…” she waved her arm towards her.  “uhh… this is kind of…” she shook her head. “I love how much you love the girls.  I really do. But, I just don’t understand, uh..” She closed her lips for a second, still thinking, the vampire guessed. “…she’s really, really attached to you. Like… she used to not be, attached, I mean… to anyone really.  She loved everyone.  And now… I mean, it’s like, I don’t know, like she’s…”She trailed off.  It was obvious to Carmilla that she was afraid of saying the wrong thing in front of Buffy.

Carmilla didn’t speak. Any attention she drew to the bond she had with Tara made her nervous.  She was afraid; if someone looked too closely they might actually find a reason for it. At least outside of the fact that it just was. And then… and then they may try to take it away.  And she couldn’t fathom what that might mean.

Buffy nodded slowly. She motioned with her head at Tara. Laura nodded back.

“What?” Carmilla asked, somewhat exasperated at this point.

“Look at her, Carm,” Laura said.

Carmilla looked down at the baby. She was staring at her Oma with wide eyes with a rapt sort of fascination that was definitely something that only the two of them shared. Carmilla had often chalked it up to the many nights she’d spend calming the baby when she couldn’t sleep. But beneath everything else, she knew it was more than that.

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” she sighed. “I don’t understand it any more than you.” She kissed the baby’s forehead. 

Buffy sighed as well. “She’s been more alert today, but…” She waved her arm.  “She’s different when you hold her.  I… I hope you’re telling us everything.”

Carmilla bit back a retort. She wasn’t sure what the little slayer wanted from her.  She understood on a base level that the woman was jealous.  She tried very hard to put herself in Buffy’s shoes.  She imagined seeing Buffy being the only one to comfort her own daughter would be… upsetting, but she didn’t make the rules. So she didn’t see any reason for the slayer to be upset with her.

“I’m not hiding anything, if that’s what you’re asking,” Carmilla finally stated.  She picked the baby up so she was facing her.  She looked so much like Faith, save for the eyes, which were clearly Buffy’s.  She’d hoped against hope that Faith wouldn’t have children.  It was a selfish hope, she knew, but motherhood was something she didn’t wish on herself or her daughter. But there she was, staring at Carmilla; she was speaking in some nonsense language Carmilla wished she understood. Tara put her hands on the side of Carmilla’s cheeks.  She pulled the baby closer and kissed her nose.

“She’s just so much more open with you,” Laura said softly. 

“I really don’t know why,” Carmilla smiled at her.  She tucked the baby back against her chest and Tara laid her head on her shoulder. Carmilla rubbed her back again while the baby played softly with her hair.  “I feel a fierce need to protect her, but I imagine that's what I’m supposed to feel?” She held Laura’s stare.  “I never thought I’d have any of this.  I just want to know why she’s sick, so I can make it better.  It hurts on a different level… knowing she’s ill.”

Laura nodded and smiled sadly. “No one is blaming you, Carm. We just think it’s strange.”

Carmilla nodded at her. “I would never hurt her,” she told Buffy.  “No matter what you think of me, I would never hurt her.  Or Faith. And I know this isn’t ideal, as it were for you, but I don’t know what to tell you.”

Buffy nodded and picked up the laptop that Xander had left.  “I guess we can make use of our time down here,” she told Laura. 

Laura nodded at her. “Did he leave all the websites up? Maybe we can start there?”

Buffy nodded and scooted closer to her, the computer in her lap.

Carmilla let them look for an answer she didn’t think they’d find.  She was content to hold her granddaughter.

* * *

Faith was pacing in her bedroom by the time Carmilla got there.

“I told them that I was coming to check on you,” Carmilla said.  “I didn’t know what else to say.  But if one of us isn’t back down there soon, they’ll come looking.”  Because they were suspicious of her leaving Tara, she didn’t have to say.

Faith nodded.  “I told the Recuse Rangers I was going to check on the baby. I figure we’ve got about ten minutes, and then we should head down there.”

Carmilla nodded and sat down on Faith’s bed. “So?”

“I waited for about ten minutes before I went in.” She pushed her hair out of her eyes.  She was pacing still.  “I only overheard a little.  My slayer hearing is a little stronger than Ken’s, but she can still feel me.  I had to be careful.”

Carmilla watched her daughter pace. She wanted to grab her and make her sit down.  She figured that wouldn’t go over well.  “And?”

“Matska.” Faith finally utterly. “I heard Giles say that she worked at Angel’s firm.  And that they believe that you knew each other.  Angel said she'd gone missing around the time the babies were taken from B and the others.”

Carmilla closed her eyes and sighed. Faith had stopped pacing and was staring at her mother.

“Sit down,” Carm said, patting the bed beside her.  She waited for Faith to do as she was told.  “I saw her at Wolfram and Hart the day we went to Los Angeles. I left her a note. I wasn’t sure if she got it.”

“They’ve read about her. In the Vampire Compendium they had." She gestured to a book on her bedside table. "Or at least they tried. It's in German. Their translation was off but they were suspicious. I guess with good reason, huh?” Faith sighed.  “What are you hiding?”

Though Faith didn’t get up, Carmilla noticed her defensive stance. 

“I only left her a message with the address here in Scotland.  I honestly wanted to see what she’d know.”

“She’s black.” Faith stated.

Carmilla raised her eyebrow. The words “did you forget?” caught in her throat.

But Faith shook her head. “No. She’s black.  And a vampire.  She’s the one that took the girls.  You know that.” She sighed audibly.  “And the note. It said ‘sis.’ You knew it was her.” She did stand up then. “How did I not put that together?”

“I wasn’t sure,” Carmilla stated. “It could’ve been her or it could’ve been a trap.  I didn’t trust Angel, and with good reason.  Apparently she knew he was hiding them.  If she hadn’t…” She took Faith’s hand and pulled her back down beside her. “…the girls wouldn’t be here, Faith. She brought them back to us. We had no idea the woman who took the girls was black.  Not until Buffy and Laura returned.”

“She took them from their mothers. The book said she was evil. That she’d…”

“What did that book say about me?” Carmilla interrupted.

Faith didn’t answer that.

“She’s a vampire, yes. Is she evil?  Is anyone?”  She looked to the clock by the bed.  “Do you remember her being evil? She wasn't taking the babies from them. She was bringing the babies to us. To you.”

Faith shook her head. “I never mentioned her. Not to any of them. Should I have?”

Carmilla shrugged.  “Let’s see what they know first.”

Faith frowned back. “I remember the first time I met her,” she stated.

Carmilla nodded.  She did too.

* * *

_The doorbell rang minutes after Carmilla had put the little girl to bed.  The vampire wasn’t afraid, per say, but she was still hesitant as she opened the door._

" _Darling, you really should ask who it is first.  I could be some scary demon or worse, one of those Bible thumping door-to-door people Americans are so fond of.”_

" _Mattie,” Carmilla said. She stood back._

_Matska smiled. “Shall I come in, or would you like to do this on your doorstep?  I doubt the neighbors need to hear anything I’m about to say.”_

_Carmilla nodded, a dread filling her stomach. She chastised herself for getting too comfortable here._

_Matska looked around the small brownstone apartment, her eyes on the staircase.  “She’s up there?”_

_Carmilla didn’t speak._

_“Sweetheart, it’s not like I don’t know she exists.”_

_Carmilla finally nodded. “She’s asleep.”_

_“In all my years, I would never have pegged you as a…” she chuckled to herself.  “…you love her, don’t you?”_

_Carmilla nodded.  “She’s just a baby.  She’s seven.  What is seven years old to us?_ ”

_“A moment,” Mattie nodded. “She’s not destined to live, mother says.  You were supposed to deliver.”_

_“I know.”_

_“The old woman is livid. She knows you’re hiding her. You do realize she’s letting you, don’t you?”_

_It had occurred to Carmilla that that was the case.  But the ritual was complete. There wouldn’t be another for twenty years or more.  “What do you want?” Carmilla finally asked.  “I won’t give her up.  Not to mother. Not to you.”_

_“Sweetie, I know that. I’m not daft. And mother doesn’t want to hurt her. Unfortunately, she says, that prophecy has changed.” Matska patted her sister’s arm. “She’s going to let you keep her,” she finally said._

_“Keep her?”_

_“Mother said, ‘if the girl wants the child so bad… who are we to begrudge her these few years.  The child will know who she really is soon. When she’s called.’ Mother believes she’ll be called. She said it’s been foretold or some such nonsense.”  Mattie frowned. “You do realize she’s a potential slayer. Her entire existence is for the purpose of ending yours.”_

_Carmilla nodded.  “I know.  And maybe she will be called.  She doesn’t have to work for that stupid council or follow their stupid rules. And apparently, she’s been outed as a potential slayer.  Her life is in danger.”_

_“Oh there’s no doubt about that,” Mattie stated.  “But again, mother is letting you keep her.  In exchange.”_

_Of course, Carmilla thought. There was always a consequence. “In exchange?”_

_“She has a job for you.” Mattie sat down on the couch and crossed her legs.  “I don’t know the specifics because I’m almost certain they’ll be unpleasant. I’m supposed to send you to her. And stay with the child until you return.”_

_Carmilla began shaking her head. “No.”_

_Mattie laughed.  “I wouldn’t hurt the peach.  Don’t be silly, dear.  I can tell you love her.  Have I ever laid a hand on someone you’ve loved?”_

_“This is different,” Carmilla started. “She’s just…”  She couldn’t explain why it was different. She didn’t even know. She bit her lip. She knew if she didn’t do what her mother asked… “What am I supposed to do? For mother?”_

_Mattie shrugged. “I’m not privy to everything.  I only know what I’m supposed to do.  You either go to her and fulfill this duty or…”  Mattie frowned.  “…you don’t want to know the ‘or,’ I’m afraid.”_

_Before Carmilla could say anything else, they were interrupted._

_“Momma,” the little girl called from the top of the stairs. “I had a nightmare.”_

_Carmilla stood up, intent on… she wasn’t even sure.  Hiding the little girl? Scooping her up and running? To where? She knew that she was stuck._

_“Come here, baby,” she called._

_Faith tiptoed down the stairs, a blanket clutched in her left hand.  She stopped when she saw the other woman.  “Hi,” she whispered shyly._

_“Oh my goodness,” Mattie exclaimed. “Aren’t you just the most adorable little specimen of a human child?”  She smiled warmly at the little girl._

_Faith crawled into her mother’s lap. She put her head on Carmilla’s shoulder._

_“What was your nightmare about, sweetie?” Carmilla asked her._

_Faith rubbed her eyes. Either from sleep or fear, the vampire was unsure._

_“There was a woman. She hurt me and she made you go away. She said you didn’t listen and now it will be bad.  That you shouldn’t lie to her anymore.”_

_Carmilla rubbed her back and tried to school her face. “It was just dream.  You can’t believe every dream; I’m not going anywhere.”_

_Faith shook her head. “No! You have to go. If you don’t go, then the woman will come get me.  And you won’t find me!” She was shaking and then started crying._

_Mattie raised her eyebrow. “She has a gift.” She stood up and sat down next to her sister.  She put her hand on Faith’s back.  “Auntie Mattie is going to stay with you.  Until your mommy gets back.  Nothing will hurt you when I’m here.  I promise, little one.”_

_Faith nodded._

_Mattie held out her arms and the little girl climbed into them.  “Kiss your maman good-bye, darling.  She has to go see a woman.  But she’ll return soon. She promises.”_

_Carmilla swallowed down her fear. “Now?”_

_Mattie hugged the little girl to her. “Now.  Go before she changes her mind, Carm.  I promise on my life we will be here when you return.”_

_Carmilla hugged Faith. “Be good for Aunt Mattie.”_

_Faith nodded and kissed her mother’s cheek. “You have to hurry. Before the bad woman comes.”_

_Carmilla frowned when she pulled away. She bit her lip to keep from crying. She’d never left Faith before. “Please,” she begged._

_"If you love her this much, darling, I’ll protect her with my life.” Mattie stated, simply._

_And Carmilla knew she meant it.“Thank you,” she rushed out._

_“Go, now.  You know where she is.” Mattie pulled Faith further in her lap. “Faith and I are going to go upstairs.” She stood up, and positioned the little girl on her hip. “I know a story about a little princess who was almost as beautiful as you. Would you like to hear it, little one?”_

_Faith nodded.  “Okay,” she whispered._

_“Tell your maman, bye,” Mattie said._

_Bye, mommy,” Faith said. “I love you.”_

_“Love you more,” Carmilla called before running out the door.  She didn’t figure it was best for Faith to see the unmitigated fear clouding her eyes._

* * *

Faith wondered about the consequences of the secret they’d kept.  She didn’t want to waste any more time worrying about it upstairs.  She knew that Giles was “researching” Mattie. She was tired of the secrets. But she knew that some things were too important for anyone to know. And so she kept them. From everybody.

They avoided the library on their way back to the infirmary.  A pretty pointless endeavor, when Faith heard Kennedy’s voice in Tara’s room.

She grabbed her mother’s arm, hoping to be able to listen but then she heard Buffy speak really loudly, “the doctor said she was really improving.” Faith knew a change of subject when she heard one.

“Goddamn slayer vibe thingie you all have,” Carmilla muttered.  “I don’t know anything else, Faith.”

Faith nodded.  She trusted her mother.  Even if she didn’t tell her about seeing Mattie in L.A.  She knew she did that to protect both Faith and her sister, and Faith couldn’t fault her for that.

“What’s up?” Faith smiled, walking into the room.  It took only a second for her to realize they were hedging.  But she plastered the smile on her face anyway.

“Faith,” Ken said too brightly. “You took that book with you. The Vampiric Compendium or whatever. You know the German one? Giles said he needed to consult it.”

“Giles reads German now?” Faith challenged.

Kennedy shrugged a bit too nonchalantly. “I’m still just the messenger girl.”

Carmilla didn’t say anything. She just moved back next to the baby’s crib.  Apparently the other slayer thought it a good idea to bring Rachel back down here. Laura was bouncing her on her knee.  “Did the doctor say it was okay for her to be in the room?”

Laura nodded at Carmilla. “She said we shouldn’t like let them share a crib or anything, but Tara isn’t contagious and Rachel’s not sick, so… I think she missed her.”

Faith wasn’t sure who “she” was, but didn’t ask for clarification.  She was studying Buffy and Ken.  And they were hiding something.  She caught her mother’s eye. Carmilla had moved to pick Tara up.  She’d woken up when Carm came into the room.  Her mother nodded at her.

Faith sighed.  “So, instead of playing this game, wanna tell me what you really were discussing before we came in?”

The three of them made eye contact with each other. 

It was Buffy who finally spoke. “Apparently Angel believes that one his lawyers may know you,” she addressed the vampire.

Carmilla nodded but didn’t answer her.

“Why does he think that?” Faith asked.

“Why did you insist on going up there?” Buffy countered.

“To help research,” Faith answered. “No one else can read German, can they?”

“This isn’t going to work if you guys aren’t gonna be honest,” Laura was the one who answered her.

“Her name was…” Carmilla started.

“Mattie,” Faith finished. “Matska. Matska Belmonde.  Right?”

Faith saw the surprise cross Buffy’s face as she nodded.  Faith figured B didn’t realize she knew her as well.  “How do you know her?” Buffy asked.

Faith weighed her options. Buffy was getting angry. Hence the angry arms, crossed across her chest.

Faith shrugged and sat down beside her mother.  “When I was seven she took me to see the Thorne Rooms at the Art Institute of Chicago.” Faith smiled.  “I’d never been to a museum before.  The only thing I understood about art had to do with drawing squiggles with crayons on construction paper.  She blathered on about the Renoirs and Monets and O’Keefes and I just wanted to see those tiny rooms.  It was like something out of a fairytale. I kept expecting these little people to come out and move around the room.  Like I was spying into some tiny world and…” She stopped speaking when she noticed the expressions on the others’ faces.

Carmilla smiled at the memory. “There was a dollhouse. Do you remember?”

Faith nodded.

* * *

_Carmilla returned to Chicago one week and one day after Mattie showed up on her doorstep that night. What she’d encountered in Austria… she shuddered as she stood outside of her small brownstone. She could hear Mattie and Faith inside. They were listening to some song, popular at the time, Carmilla mused.  She looked through the window, knowing full well that Mattie most likely knew she was back._

_They were dancing._

_It was the most natural, human, normal thing Carmilla’d seen in a week.  She wanted to cry._

_When she opened the front door, Faith barreled towards her.  “Mommy’s back!” She squealed._

_Mattie smiled slightly. It was evident she knew that Carmilla had gone through a lot to get back to them and reclaim the life she’d created.  She didn’t mention it though.  It was one of the reasons Carm loved her.  She could ignore the horrible._

_“Are you actually wearing an apron?” Carmilla asked in between kissing every inch of Faith’s little face. She was honestly terrified she wouldn’t make it back at one point.  Just to be able to hold the little girl was enough._

_“Yes,” Mattie drawled. “Faith made an A on her spelling test. I told her if she made an A, we could make snickerdoodles. She had no idea what those were. You’re slacking on that baking end, darling. Mothers bake cookies."_

_"You said, you were the one who's supposed to make me cookies," Faith giggled._

_"Well I suppose I can be the cool Auntie Mattie a while longer, huh little one?"_

_Carmilla sat the little girl down and crouched down in front of her.  “Did you like them?”_

_Faith nodded excited. “We made cupcakes too. And we went to the park. And we went to a nice restaurant. And Aunt Mattie took me to a play and to see a concert.  Plus, Auntie Mattie bought me dress-up clothes so we could go to the opera. I really liked the opera, mommy. Everyone is so pretty there. They sang in another language.  But Aunt Mattie taught me some of the words.  It was really sad though.  But they had these really cool glasses. But the best part of all was the little rooms!" She threw her little arms in there.  "We went three times cause there’s so many and I couldn’t see them all at once.  She even said we could go back again too,” she ran over to Mattie.  “Right?”_

_“Of course, Sugar,” Mattie said, scooping the little girl up._

_Faith kissed her cheek. She turned to her mother. “And know what the even more best part was?”_

_Carmilla shook her head somewhat amazed at how well the two were getting on and the sheer amount of activities they'd managed to squeeze into a week.  Faith was giggling in Mattie’s arms.  “The house.  She got a house. With rooms and we can get more furniture.  But I don’t want dolls cause dolls are stupid. Just the house. With lights and chairs and beds and…” She wiggled out of Matska’s arms and grabbed Carmilla’s hand. “Come look.”_

_Carmilla let the little girl lead her into the living room_.

_In the middle of the room was one of the most impressive, and realistic dollhouses she’d ever seen._

_“It’s got lights, Momma,” she squealed. She ran over and flipped a switch. “Look at all the rooms.”_

_Mattie sat on her knees next to Faith. “We’re still deciding on wall color. Faith’s color palette is clashing with the décor.”_

_Faith pouted. “Beige is boring.” She moved one of the little chairs closer to the table.  “I like yellow.”_

_“Yellow would mean all new furniture, darling.  We’d have to redo the whole kitchen.  Retro,” Mattie shuddered._

_Faith crossed her arms._

_“Oh very well, Muffin. Yellow it is.”_

_Carmilla was still standing in front of the dollhouse, somewhat awed.  “How did you… where did you…”_

_Matska shrugged.  “I know people,” she answered.  She wrapped her arm around Faith and pulled her backwards. They fell against the couch, giggling. Mattie sat back up, Faith leaning against her chest.  It was late and the little girl was tired.  Mattie wrapped her arms around “We’ll go tomorrow and get our new décor. We should probably just get another house.  One we can outfit for the Sixties if you're going to insist on yellow." She looked at the dollhouse.  "There’s already too many movements in that one,” she motioned._

_Faith nodded against her. She looked to her mother. “I’m glad you’re home,” she said sweetly._

_Carmilla sat down beside them on the floor. “Me too, Firecracker.” She patted her sister’s knee. “Thank you,” she whispered._

_Mattie nodded back._

* * *

“What are you saying?” Buffy asked after Faith gave them a condensed version of her Aunt Mattie.  She’d at least loosened her arms a bit.  Not as angry, Faith observed.

“I saw her in L.A.” Carmilla answered instead.  “I left her the address of the castle.  Nothing else. I haven’t heard from her since.”

“She took the babies, Carm.” Laura whispered.

Carmilla shook her head. “She brought us the babies. As the slayer says, semantics.”

“So what do you think she knows? Why would she want to hurt them?” Buffy asked.

The question angered Faith. She wasn’t sure why.  Maybe because B didn’t trust her.  Again. But she wasn’t going to let them vilify the only other person that had ever just loved her.

“She wasn’t trying to hurt them. Or you. She was protecting us. Me.” Faith answered. She guessed the anger was more evident than she thought, when she felt her mother’s hand on her arm.

“Sweetie,” Carm started. “You can understand why they’re angry.  I didn’t tell them because I wasn’t sure and I…”

Faith stood up.  “No.  Just no. You think because she was at Wolfram and Hart she was evil?  Bad?”

Buffy nodded.  “She was works for the evil demon law firm, Faith. So, uh… yeah.”

Of course.  The self-righteousness Buffy possessed was sometimes fucking mindboggling to Faith.  “The fucking law firm that hid you for a year?  The fucking law firm that your ex-boyfriend controls? That fucking law firm?”

Buffy bit her lip.

“That’s my point.  Don't make judgment calls, B.  You don’t have the right.”

“So why take the babies?” Laura finally asked. 

Carmilla sighed.  She reached out for Faith’s arm and pulled her back against the chair.  Faith didn’t realize that she was sitting in a defensive position, but she guessed her mother did.

“I don’t know,” the vampire answered. “And honestly, unless Mattie pops up sometimes soon, I’m not sure how to find out.  She isn’t the easiest person to find.”

Faith didn’t speak to that. She wasn’t the easiest person for her mother to find.  But Faith could find her pretty fucking easily. 

That was the one secret only she knew.

Well she and a certain  1200-year-old vampire.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading and reviewing. Hope you like.


End file.
